Penguins of Madagascar: Secret Seasons
by Sparkling-nexis137
Summary: From the makers of Penguins of Madagascar. The following episodes have been declassified for your reading entertainment. Never before seen action. Never before seen adventure. Never before seen hilarity. Are you in?
1. Prologue: Season 1 Guide

**Penguins of Madagascar: Secret Seasons**

**Hi everyone! Sparkles here, with a new series brought to you by Sparkles productions. For those of you who don't know, I'm an aspiring screenwriter, creative director, and possibly voice actor for animation. So far most of my experience in writing for animation has been for primarily action and comedy style series with more streamline plots. However, I have a massive love (and obsession) for the style of Penguins of Madagascar and the Madagascar series as a whole (I've seen Madagascar 2 ten times, five of those times being back to back). To me, the series is just incredibly original with an brilliant style and sense of comedic timing. As I was watching the various episodes, I realized how hard it must be to create a series like this. I mean, episode after episode, each one it's own individual thing with hundreds of original plots that don't necessarily connect to each other. I thought about how difficult it would be to create something like this, but then I realized what a challenge it would be to do something like that, which is completely outside my normal style. Thus Secret Seasons was born! My goal is to challenge my screenwriting skills by writing at least 100 episodes of my own creation, mixing my personal style with the classic Penguins style that I love, all for your enjoyment. And now for your reading pleasure, a guide to Secret Seasons season 1, coming soon to a fanfic near you. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimers: I own absolutely nothing related to Madagascar or the Penguins except for my own psychotic obsession with them and the various plots below and those to come. Episode guides are subject to change as things progress. Also, I haven't seen all the episodes of Penguins yet, so if any plot turns out to be the exact same plot from one of the episodes, it's totally on accident, and I humbly request you let me know so I can change it, though the first couple episodes have already been written so I won't be able to correct those. Kay, thanks!**

* * *

**Episode 1: Stuck on you:** After an incident during target practice, the penguins end up destroying a good chunk of the lemur habitat. Kowalski decides to use a new molecular adhesive to help fix the place up, but when that adhesive ends up sticking Skipper and Julien together, things take a turn for the hilarious.

**Episode 2: Royal Reversal: **A magician comes to the zoo to put on a show for the kids. He puts on a hypnosis act that Kowalski, as the resident scoffer, must scoff at. However, the show does give Kowalski the idea to invent a new hypno-watch that when stared at hypnotizes the victim. Of course we all know when hypnotism enters the picture, trouble soon follows.

**Episode 3:** **Fish Soup for the Soul**: A night time snack run leads to Rico getting sick. Normally this wouldn't be a problem, but when Rico's starts shooting out some of the more dangerous contents of his gut every time he sneezes, top priority must be made to find a cure.

**Episode 4: Mort Sitting:** The penguins are enlisted as unwilling Mort-sitters by Julien and Maurice. Though they didn't originally want to do it, they start to warm up to the idea of having cute little Mort around to watch and take care of. The feeling doesn't last long, however, as Mort slowly becomes more unruly as the day goes on.

**Episode 5:** **Fitness Frenzy:** A mix up with the feeding schedule occurs which leads to Marlene being practically buried in food! At first this seems like the best thing ever, but with massive meals three times a day Marlene starts to, shall we say, get a little heavier. Now she has to get back into top shape. Problem is, since she's always had small, regulated portion sizes, she's never actually had to diet before. She must seek help in getting back into shape, but to whom shall she turn in her time of dieting need?

**Episode 6: Your Cheatin' Flippers: **It's Rico and Ms. Perky's anniversary, and everyone's more than a little bit disturbed. None the less he plans an exciting evening out on the town to celebrate this momentous occasion. Things seem to be going well, but when Rico meets a new doll even prettier then Ms. Perky, he is struck with indecision between his current "girlfriend" and this new model. Who's it gonna be Rico?

**Episode 7: A Lotta Woodchuck: **The penguins meet a Woodchuck who is the epitome of manliness. His open displays of masculinity and strength impress the penguins immensely, causing them to invite him as a member of the team, however when he starts trying to take the leader position, what will become of Skipper?

**Episode 8: Pea-Nuts: **Peanuts. The love of Burt the elephant's life. He just can't get enough! But when Burt starts to develop an apparent allergy to his favorite thing in the world, he'll need the help of the Penguin team to get over his addiction.

**Episode 9: Che Rico's: **It's winter in NYC, which means a lot of hungry animals in Central Park. The team can't possibly turn their backs on all of them, so they decide to open a restaurant in the park to provide food for them. But when the restaurant starts to get bigger, will they be able to remember why they started it in the first place?

**Episode 10: Adore or Die:** A little lynx is brought to the zoo, and she's just as cute as can be! All the humans, and many of the zoo animals automatically fall in love with how adorable she is. However, when people start paying attention to the other adorables of the zoo, they may discover that this adorable little feline isn't quite so innocent as she appears to be.


	2. Episode 1: Stuck on You

**~Stuck on You~**

* * *

_-Zoo: Penguin Habitat. Night Time. Approximately 2100 Hours_

"Pull!"

A glass dinner plate shot up into the air over the penguin habitat. It soared through the air for only a few seconds before _BOOM!_ In a ball of fire and colorfully painted glass, the dish exploded in the air, the fragmented shards tinkling over the concrete below.

"And that." said Skipper confidently, lowering his bazooka. "Is how you stop an invasion of rouge dishware. Any questions?"

Private raised his flipper. "Do we really need to be prepared for an invasion of rouge dishware?"

"Well, gee. I don't know, Private. Why don't you ask Manfredi and Johnson? Oh, wait. You can't! Now, Rico, show us how it's done."

"Uh-huh! Uh-huh!" Rico eagerly nodded his consent before regurgitating a bazooka and taking aim. "Guh! Guh! Guh!"

Kowlaski nodded in affirmation before launching three consecutive plates into the air. In three shots, the plate were blown to smithereens, their glassy remains falling to join those of their comrades below.

"Outstanding! Private, you're up."

"Um, o-okay I suppose." Skipper held out the bazooka to the young penguin soldier, who took it nervously. He took aim. "P-pull!"

The fourth plate of the evening shot into the air. With a nervous gulp Private fired, striking his mark midair, adding another member to the glass graveyard. "I-I did it!"

"Nice work Private." complimented Skipper. "But can you do it..._blindfolded?! _In a twister?!"

"What?!" Skipper quickly slapped a blindfold onto the young cadet before spinning him around in circles.

"Why would I need to shoot dishware blindfolded in a twister?!"

"This is no time for questions Private! By now you could have already been taken out by a rouge teapot! Now Pull!"

The plate shot high into the air. Private desperately tried to take aim, but he only succeeded in floundering around like a fish out of water.

"Hurry Private! The enemy's almost escaped!"

"I'm trying!"

"Don't try man! Do!"

"I can't!"

"Fire!"

Private screamed once before swinging around, firing in the exact opposite direction. Rico dove out of the way as the rocket shot through the air, veering drastically off course before landing right in the lemur habitat! A fiery explosion rocked the air as the missile blew the central pedestal to pieces, sending rubble crashing down on everything within the habitat walls, much to the shock of the onlooking penguins.

"Did I hit it?" asked Private taking of the blindfold. He gasped in horror as he saw the smoking wreckage. "What have I done?!"

"Men, move out! Double time!"

At Skippers command the penguins shot out of their pen, sliding across the way and into the decimated lemur habitat.

"Search for any wounded. Go go go!"

The four jumped down off the wall, immediately setting to work clearing the wreckage. "Ringtail!" shouted Skipper. "Maurice! Sad Eyes! Can you hear me?!" He frantically dug through the rocks, throwing them aside in desperation to find the potentially wounded lemurs.

"Skipper!" Upon hearing his name, Skipper rushed over to Kowalski where the other penguins were already gather.

"Have we found anything?"

"It's..." Kowalski looked away tearfully as their leader looked down at what he was clutching, the burnt remains of King Julian's crown. Skipper stared in shock before slowly lowering his head. "A moment of silence for our fallen lemur comrades."

"What have I done?" asked Private tearfully.

"This is no time for guilt Private." said Skipper, standing tall. "There's plenty of time for that later. Rico, gather all the necessary supplies from the base. Kowalski, we'll need new identities."

"I already had some prepared just in case of such an emergency. You will be Julio Ramirez, former Navy Seal until a freak accident took your left eye."

"Perfect. I've always wanted an eye patch."

"Rico will be Captain Olaf Pickard, an aspiring Norwegian fisherman."

"Fish!"

"I will be known only as Smooth Jazz, a suave saxophone playing trendsetter, and Private will be-"

"Wait a minute!" shouted Private. "Shouldn't we be arranging funerals and notifying loved ones?"

"No can do Private. We've got three victims and no alibi. The fuzz is sure to suspect us."

"But we were the ones who did it."

"Then they're even more sure to suspect us. We need to be out of this place A.S.A.-"

"_Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah~!"_

"They're on to us! Evasive maneuvers!"

"No, look!"

All eyes turned to the top of the wall surrounding the lemur habitat, where three lemurs carrying mangoes stood staring at the destruction of their home.

"My kingdom!"

"What did you do to our home?!"

"Ring Tail! Maurice! Sad Eyes!"

In a couple of flips, the penguins joined the horrified lemurs atop the wall.

"I never thought I'd say this, but boy am I glad to see you all alive! Even you Ring Tail!"

"What? Of course we are being alive!" shouted King Julien.

"But where were you?" asked Private.

"We were out of mangoes for smoothies, so we went on a late night fruit run." explained Maurice. "And from the looks of things it's a good thing we did. What happened?"

"And what have you done to my crown!" The King snatched his burnt crown from Kowalski, giving him a dirty look before placing the charred symbol of authority on his gray furred head.

"No need to worry lemurs." said Skipper. "We can have this whole place fixed before sunrise."

"We can?" asked Private.

"Kowalski."

"Actually Skipper in order to fix and replace everything we've broken it could potentially take us, oh say, about a month."

"A month?!" yelled Skipper. "We don't have a month. Come morning those gates are gonna open, and if Alice sees this mess she's gonna start asking some questions. Questions that we don't want asked."

"Well, I do have a new molecular bonding agent that could potentially speed up the repair time, for some things at least, but I haven't actually had the chance to test it yet. There are precautions that need to be accounted for and-"

"The time for precautions has passed. Go get it. I want this place spotless by o'six hundred hours sharp."

"Oh, and what are we supposed to be doing for these six hundred hours?"

"Perhaps they could stay at our base while we work?"

"Negative, Private. I won't have these civilians mucking up our base."

"But we did destroy their home with heavy artillery. The least we could do is offer them a place to sleep."

"Slumber party!" shouted the king. "Maurice, grab the mangoes. We will make mango facials and gossip deep into the night."

"But what about the smoothies?"

"Oooh, good point. We will make face smoothies instead. It can be cleaning our pores while we are drinking it."

"I like face smoothies!"

"Woah woah woah! I never said-"

But the lemurs were already halfway to the penguin habitat by the time Skipper's objection left his beak. He sighed in exasperation.

"Okay. Fine. Go make your face smoothies. It's time to get to work boys."

And like that the repairs began, though it was quickly realized exactly how extensive the needed repairs were. Private was having more than his fair share of problems trying to piece back together Julien's thrown, which kept falling apart every time he so much as looked at it wrong, while Rico was trying his best to piece back together the pieces of the central pedestal like a giant puzzle, occasionally subtly snapping off a corner to make one piece fit against the next.

"Where is Kowalski?"

"Right here Skipper." said the brainy penguins holding what looked like a high tech version of a hot glue gun.

"Finally. Okay, show me just what this molecular bonding whatever can do."

"It's simple Skipper." He walked over to the partially pieced together rock. "Utilizing the chemical bonding properties of my newly developed adhesive, I can bond any two substances together permanently. The main chamber of the gun heats the adhesive from solid form into a liquid, which can then be applied, like so." To demonstrate, he squeezed the trigger, causing a slow stream of purple goo to squeeze out the tip and onto the cracks between pieces, covering it completely.

"Within three seconds, the two bodies are bonded together on a molecular level."

"Outstanding. Now get to work. I want every crack on this rock purple patched."

"Aye aye Skipper."

Skipper smiled. Everything seemed to be coming along nicely...relatively speaking.

"Wait until those lazy lemurs see this."

* * *

_Meanwhile_

"Mmmmmm, mango-y."

Back in the Penguins base, the three lemurs lounged lazily on the floor, colorful beach towels separating them from the cold concrete. Each member of the trio had their faces coated in a thick yellow mask, mango slices covering their eyes while bendy straws connected from the mask directly into their mouths.

"Aren't you just loving how delicious our beauty products are." asked Julian, taking another sip.

"I've got to admit." said Maurice. "These mango facial smoothies are the bomb."

"I like smoothie facials!"

"Yes, my idea was quite brilliant if I do say so myself. Which I did. Just now."

Maurice gave out a loud yawn before stretching. "Well, as tasty as this facial is, I'm about ready for bed. I'm beat."

"No. There shall be no slumbering at this slumber party."

"But what else are we supposed to do?"

"There are plenty of things we can be doing! Gossiping about the neighbors, watching movies, pillow fights..."

"I like pillow fi-_Oof!_"

Mort was sent flying across the room, courtesy of a pillow to the head by Julien which left a Mort-shaped mango stain on the formerly white casing.

"And that is why you are never to be looking away during a pillow fight. Now, quickly, let's see if the penguins have any good movies."

With nods of agreement the lemurs began scouring the penguins base for anything resembling a good movie.

"Lunacorns season 1?" asked Maurice, holding up a DVD with a pink case.

"No." said Julien as he searched underneath the seat cushions.

"Lunacorns season 2?"

"No."

"Lunacorns, the Movie: The...Honey Dew Friendship Ball?"

"Maurice, if I am not wanting to be watching the series why would I be wanting to watch the movie!"

"I found something!" shouted Mort, holding a black case with the words such as _Confidential_, _Top Secret_, and _Do not watch!_ on the cover.

"Ooooooh, now this is seeming like a good movie. Quickly, put it in. Put it in!"

"Okay!" With a skip in his step and a bounce in his tail, the littlest lemur hopped over the T.V. and put the DVD into the player.

"Are you sure we should be watching something labeled 'Confidential'?" asked Maurice as he took his seat next to the king.

"_Shhhhhhhhhhhhh._ It's starting."

The screen came on displaying a picture of Kowalski wearing rhinestone sunglasses and a colorful vest seated in front of a keyboard.

"_A ballad for Doris the Dolphin."_

"Hmmmmm, I can not yet be telling if this is a comedy or a tragedy."

"_A-hem. Your clear blue eyes see right through me~! And I love it when you go eee-eeeee-ee-eee-eeeeeee~!"_

"Tragedy." stated Maurice bluntly. "Definitely tragedy."

"I like tragedies!"

* * *

The moon traveled slowly across the sky as the night wore on, with only the sounds of penguins doing construction work, Burt the elephant snoring, and the usual sounds of sirens, helicopters, and booming stereos that were the norm for NYC disrupting the otherwise quiet night. Soon the moon began to set while the sun slowly started to peak over the horizon.

"Almost sunrise." said Skipper. "Kowalski, progress report!"

"Nearly finished Skipper. Just one more piece and no one will ever know there was anything wrong."

"Good work." said Skipper, taking a good long look up at the large pieced together pedestal laced with neon purple veins from where the molecular bonding agent had been used and the poorly put together throne perched somewhat awkwardly on top. "Yep. Just like it was before. Now hurry and stick on that final piece."

"I'm, er, trying." said Kowalski, struggling with his adhesive device.

"What's the hold up?"

"It appears, er, that the, arg, trigger is, erg, stuck. Come on! Work!"

"Well hurry it up. Alice could be here any minute, and the lemurs-"

"You called?"

"Wah!" Skipper spun around, flippers raised in defense before realizing that he was staring at the lemur trio, looking at him rather oddly. Sighing in exasperation, he quickly dropped his guard. "How many times do I have to say that you _never_ sneak up on me from behind. I could have accidentally chopped you into next Arbor Day!"

"Yes, well we came to see if you had any more movies, though I must admit this one was very entertaining." said Julien holding up black DVD case marked classified.

"Give me that!" shouted Skipper snatching the DVD and waving it through the air for emphasis. "This is labeled classified! You just don't go around watching classified videos."

Kowalski looked down from his high perch on top of the rock, his eyes going wide with horror as he saw the oh too familiar case. "Not that!"

In his shock and fear of the contents of the DVD getting out, Kowalski pulled hard on the gun's trigger, sending a large gob of neon purple goo flying through the air. Time seemed to run in slow motion for the brainy penguin as he watched his molecular adhesive soar downwards, jiggling as it flew through the air until it finally made collision.

"Woah!" shouted Skipper, feeling something cold splatter onto his back. He quickly turned around, looking angrily up at the potential source of the projectile. "Kowalski, what in the name of smoked halibut was that!"

"_Eep_!" Kowalski quickly ran to the ladder on the side of the rock and began rushing down it. "Skipper! Do not move! I repeat, _Do not move_!"

"What is it?! Are we under attack?!" Skipper quickly raised his flipper, ready for attack, while backing into a defensive stance. Kowalksi arrived on the scene, gasping in horror.

"Oh, no."

"Spit it out man?! Where's the enemy?"

"Um...Skipper?"

"What?!"

"Uh, Maurice. Why is this penguin being all wet and gooey?"

Skipper quickly looked over his should where Julien stood looking down at him curiously.

"Quick!" shouted Kowalski. "Get away from him!"

Skipper jumped forward, unintentionally jerking the king with him.

"Huh?" Skipper looked back again to see Julien waving at him. He quickly jumped again, spinning around, with the king whirling behind him.

"What in blue blazes is going on here?" he looked around, his eyes settling on one very guilty looking penguin. "Kowalski?"

"Well Skipper." started Kowalski nervously. "I don't know how to say this, but in a freak and slightly catastrophic incident which was _completely_ out of my control I _may_ have accidentally..._stukutojulin_."

"What?"

"I said I maaaaay have accidentally Herumph-hack-harf stukutojulin herumph."

"Uuuuuh, could you be speaking a little louder." said Julien. "I couldn't hear you over all the hack-herumphing."

"Out with it man!"

"I said I may have accidentally stuck you to Julien!"

There was an audible gasp from all those assembled.

"You did what?!"

"I-it wasn't my fault! I-I was distracted! The gun! It malfunctioned!"

"What is with all the worrying?" asked king Julien lightly. "Just have him get us unstuck. And hurry. I don't want this gunk gooeying up the royal belly."

"Never thought I'd say this, but excellent idea Ring Tail. Kowalski, I want to be unstuck on the double."

"Um, about that Skipper." Kowalski rubbed the back of his head nervously. "You see I'm not exactly one hundred percent sure how to get you two unstuck."

"And what percent are you sure?"

"Technically speaking, zero."

"_What?!"_

"I said it was untested! I-I never had time to figure out how to dissolve it in case something like this ever happened!"

"You maniac! What are we supposed to do now?!"

"Well, I can begin working on a solvent immediately. In the mean time you two will just have...stay that way."

"Oh no." said Julien. "I am not spending my day stuck onto a penguin's backside. Mort. Maurice. Come free your king."

Shrugging, the two lemurs rushed forward, taking hold of Julien and attempting to pull him free of Skipper.

"Well don't just stand there men!" shouted Skipper. "Pull!"

"Aye aye Skipper!"

All three penguins ran forward, grabbing Skipper's flippers and jerking with all their might. The two sides grunted with effort as they attempted to separate the two bodies, tension building the harder they tugged.

"I think it's working!" said Julien.

"Keep going men!"

With a mighty heave the two sides gave a final jerk, which, as fortune would have it, failed miserably. The power of the three penguins overcame that of the two lemurs. Mort and Maurice lost their grip, and with no resistance the Penguins pull sent Skipper and Julian flying over their heads. The pair, screaming all the way, smacked into the lemur's bouncy which sent them rebounding into a nearby palm tree, which, after bending over a good distance, sent them catapulting into the shoddily put together throne, crushing it beneath their combined weight, and reducing it to rubble once more.

"King Julien!" shouted Mort.

"Skipper!" shouted Private. "Are you okay?!"

"Does it look like we are being okay?!" shouted King Julien angrily as he pressed his feet to either side of Skipper's body and began pushing with all his might. "Get. Off. Me. Already!"

"Don't you think I would if I could!" shouted Skipper.

"It's no use." said Kowalksi climbing the ladder. "The adhesive bonds on a molecular level. The only feasible way to detach you from each other at this point would require extremely painful surgery."

"Uh, painful for whom?" asked Julien.

"Forget it." said Skipper. "There's no way I'm undergoing a painful surgery because I got freakishly fused to someone _again_. Until Kowalski creates that solvent, it looks like you and I are stuck together."

"Oh, very well. Maybe I can wear an apron over you or something."

"Skipper!" shouted Private. "Alice is here!"

Everyone turned to see the zoo keeper coming through the front gates.

"Blast." yelled Skipper as he and Julien awkwardly stood up. "The zoo's about to open. Quick men, back to the base."

"Aye aye Skipper."

Moving as one, the penguins dashed for their habitat, or at least attempted to. Skipper, however, was having trouble as Julien refused to move.

"Come on Ring Tail. Alice will be here any minute!"

"Yes, but the peoples will be here after that minute. To see me! I cannot be denying my public the beauty of my shaking booty, or any other of my beautiful parts, which is all of them."

"For pity sakes man!"

"Actually Skipper." said Kowalski. "He does raise a point."

"Thank you."

"Explain."

"It's possible that either of your absences could be noticed by Alice or the other zoo goers, which might raise some unwanted questions."

"But wouldn't seeing them stuck together like this raise even bigger questions?" asked Private.

"Good point." said Skipper. "We'll just have to fake it. Private, you stay here and make sure it looks like Ring Tail never left. Use whatever means necessary."

"Aye aye Skipper!"

"Great, everyone else, back to the base."

"But what about my peopaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah~!" Julien screamed as Skipper lunged forward, sliding speedily across the zoo ground, with the king himself desperately clinging to his back. Within moment, the four arrived inside the walls of the penguin habitat.

"Alice at six o'clock." shouted Kowalski.

"Stand in formation. Rico, Private decoy."

Gagging for a moment, Rico regurgitated an inflatable Private dummy, which he quickly blew up. The four penguins, technically three penguins plus dummy, got into a diamond formation, blocking Skipper's back from view.

"Now what are we-" Julien was cut off as Rico shoved his head down out of site just as Alice came around.

"Breakfast time." she uttered listlessly as she tossed some fish into the pen. She stared at the penguins standing together for a moment with a bushy stripped tail sticking out from between their feet. She shrugged, turning away, before realizing what she just saw. She did a quick double take, looking back at the birds, but the tail was gone. She rubbed her eyes, and started walking away again.

"I need a vacation."

The penguins held formation a moment longer before separating. Skipper sighed in relief.

"Whew. That was a close one. Now, into the base. Rico, decoys."

The psycho penguin nodded eagerly, spitting out three more decoys to take their places before heading down himself. Inside, Kowalski immediately got to work.

"You know." said Julien. "I've never traveled by penguin before. It's like a sled, only without the snow and heftier."

"Heafty?! I'll have you know that's all muscle!"

"Yes, and is penguin muscle usually quit so jiggly?" Julien rubbed Skipper's stomach for extra emphasis, which only elicited an angry growl.

"Kowalski, tell me you're close to fixing this mess."

"Considering we've been down here approximately fifteen seconds...no."

"_Eeeeerg!_"

"You know, if I am to be being your guest, the least you could be doing is offer me snacks. Preferably of the fruity variety."

Skipper growled once more, his face become redder the more heated he became. "Rico, go get his royal _annoyance_ something to occupy his mouth." Rico nodded before sliding off to the refrigerator for food. "I hope Private's having better luck."

* * *

_Lemur Habitat: 1000 Hours_

By now the zoo goers had started to fill the facility. Alice was doing one of her least favorite tasks and leading the people on a tour of the animals.

"And this is the lemur habitat." she said dully. "Just look at how very excited they are to see you."

As the people stared, Mort and Maurice were doing their best to fill the dancing shoes of their missing king by jamming out to some loud hip hop.

"Yay!" yelled one little girl. "The lemurs are my favorite!"

"Well isn't that special. Now, moving right along-"

"Where's the cute one with the funny hat?" asked the little girl. "He's my favorite."

"I'm sure he's around here somewhere."

As if on cue, the top of Julien's crown popped out from behind the rock and started moving around rhythmically to the music.

"See. There he is."

"Why isn't he coming out from behind the rock?"

"I don't know! Maybe he's just feeling shy or something. Now, onto the next exhibit."

The tour group slowly left the habitat, the one little girl lingering just a moment longer before following everyone else.

"Are they gone?"

"Coast's all clear." said Maurice. Sighing in relief, Private lowered the crown from his post behind the rock.

"I was sure that little girl was onto us."

"Just keep the crown moving and everything will be fine." Maurice mutter to himself. "As long as they don't realize how lousy that dancing is."

"Pardon?"

"Nothing. Now here come some more people."

"Oooooooh." Private groan as he lifted the crown back up, his arm already starting to feel tired.

* * *

"Mmmmmm, my compliments to the chef." said Julien, taking another piece of sliced fruit from the tray while Skipper seethed with rage below him. "You know what would go great with this? A guava smoothie. Maybe with a little whip cream on top. Oh! And sprinkles. The red kind. I don't like the little green ones."

"For crying out loud!" shouted Skipper. "This isn't your personal day spa! We are in the middle of trying to devise some way for us not to be permanently stuck together like some kind of demented peanut butter and jelly sandwich!"

"Okay! Fine! Yeesh! Forget the sprinkles."

"_Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah~!"_

"Has anyone ever been telling you how warm you are getting when you are screaming at the ceiling?" asked Julien as his hands rubbing Skipper's head, feeling the waves of rage induced heat coming off him. In a fit of rage, Skipper attempted to slap the sprinkle loving lemur king well into next Tuesday, though every time he tried to turn around to get to the Julien's face, the king was moved to stay exactly behind him, leading to a situation very similar to a dog chasing their tail. This went on for a few moment until Skipper finally got dizzy and dropped to the floor belly first.

"You know." said Julien, lounging on Skipper as if he were a regal couch. "You really should try to avoid so much stress."

"Kowalskiiiiiiii~!" groaned the commando miserably.

"Not to worry Skipper." said Kowalski, rushing around as he tried to manage a series beakers filled with oddly colored fluids. "I believe I've come up with a formula for a solvent that will theoretically get the two of you separated."

"Outstanding! When will it be ready?"

"According to my calculations? Approximately twenty-four hours."

"_WHAT?!"_

"Slumber Party! Again!" shouted Julien as he pulled out the black DVD case. "I brought the movies."

"Give me that!" shouted Kowalski, snatching the case away.

"Nooooooo. No. No. Nooooooooo."

"Cheer up my sobbing friend." said Julien. "Look on the bright side."

"What bright side?" asked Skipper between sobs.

"You get to be spending the next twenty-four hours with me! Your king! What greater honor could there be?"

Skipper immediately broke down crying, his face flat against the cold concrete. Julien lightly patted his back. "Yes, I can only be imagining how overwhelmed you must be feeling by this honor. Take your time. Taaaaake your time."

And so the day of stuck-togetherness began...

* * *

_Penguin Base 1300 Hours_

Skipper sat awkwardly at the table, his best poker face on as he stared across the top of his hand at his two opponents. Poker was the name of the game, and he intended to win.

"I see your halibut and raise you two smoked sardines."

Julien looked over Skipper shoulder. "Uh, are you sure you are wanting to be doing that?"

"Yes, I'm sure." said the commando angrily.

"I'm just saying that may not be the best idea."

"I know how to play the game, Ring Tail."

"Alriiiight." said Julien, turning his head away. Skipper glared at him for a moment longer before reaching for one of his cards.

"Okay, now that is just asking for trouble."

Skipper slammed his hand down on the table angrily, his face turning beet red.

* * *

_Base 1700 Hours_

Skipper stood across the room, his flippers raised for self-defense while Kowalski and Rico stood at the other side, looking equally prepared for battle.

"Alright, boys. Show me what you've got."

The two nodded before charging across the room, shouts of war raised as they prepared to strike. Both penguins arrived simultaneously, throwing out a flurry of chops and punches, while Skipper moved his flipper rapidly to block them.

"Come on men! Is that the best you've-_woah_!"

Skipper was suddenly thrust forward and swung to the sides, his body slamming painfully into those of Kowalski and Rico, sending them tumbling towards the sides of the room.

"What the..."

Skipper glared up angrily at Julien, snapping his fingers and dancing to the music coming out of the headphones on his MP3 player, seeming to have completely forgotten the attached Skipper.

"I am loving this song!" he said still rocking out, oblivious to the furious Skipper being waved around on his stomach, his entire body burning with rage.

* * *

_Base: 1900 Hours_

Skipper and Julien stood staring at the door to the bathroom. They looked at each other before awkwardly sidling away.

* * *

_Base: 2100 Hours_

"Finally!" shouted Skipper as the team began preparing for bed. "I haven't been this eager for a day to be over since Guam."

"What happened in Guam, Skipper?" asked Private, his arm bandaged and set in a tub of ice.

"Let's just say I'll never look at a belembaotuyan the same way again."

"A bele-what?"

"Belembaotuyan." said Kowalski fluffing his pillow. "A traditional one stringed instrument made from a gourd normally played in traditional Guam folk music and occasionally the blues."

"Those plucky tones. So sharp. So. Haunting."

"Fascinating." said Julien. "But as much as I would love, and by love I mean be completely bored by, more of your stories, the king needs his royal beauty sleep. Maurice, the royal sleepy time mask."

Maurice quickly slipped the purple mask into position over the king's eyes.

"Much better."

"Remind me why we agreed to let the rest of the lemurs into out top secret base?" asked Skipper, glaring at Julien.

"Hey, where King Julien goes, we go." said Maurice proudly as Mort finished placing the sheets on the cots where they would be sleeping.

"Your loyalty is both admirable and baffling. Alright men, lights out."

With bright nods of affirmation, the penguins dove into their bunks on the wall, Private struggling a bit due to his injured arm, while the lemurs curled up in their cozy beds. Skipper looked around, checking to make sure everything was in order, taking a good long look for inspection until a smile of satisfaction crossed his face.

"So, where are we to be sleeping?"

The smile died on Skipper's face as if it were a cockroach being smashed by a World War II bomber. Slowly he turned towards the small yet cozy notch in the wall and realization hit him like oh so many bricks.

* * *

"Oh, yes I would like another smoothie..."

Skipper lay wide awake in awkward silence on his bed, a blanket covering both him and Julien who lay on top of him, a pillow the only separation between their heads.

"Why yes, I do love the red sprinkles..."

Skipper looked up momentarily where Julien lay fast asleep, talking dreamily even in his slumber. He tried to get comfortable on his own pillow, but the discomfort of the entire situation told the commando that this would be one night where sleep was far away, a feeling that was only further affirmed when Julien pulled off the rest of the blanket, leaving Skipper with nothing but his pillow and an ever growing sense of weariness.

"No more ice cream, please. I'm watching my figure..."

* * *

"Who wants pancakes!"

All hands went up eagerly as Maurice stood at the stove, frying up some de-licious looking flapjacks while he danced to the early morning music playing over the radio.

"These are wonderful!" said Private taking another bit from his plate while Kowalski sat beside him scanning the cakes with a device that appeared to be made from an old soup can.

"I have to say the sensatiability factor of these flapjacks is off the chart. What's your secret?"

"Uh-uh-uuuuh." said King Julien, waving his finger. "There will be no revealing of secret recipes. It makes them less...secret-y."

"Aren't you going to have some Skipper?" asked Private cheerfully as he turned to their leader, who currently wasn't moving.

"Uh, what's wrong with him?" asked Maurice as he eyeballed the lead penguin. Skipper sat somewhat slouched in his seat, the fact that Julien was standing up behind him being the only thing that kept him from plunging face fist into his cold, untouched fish coffee.

"Enough...with the...smoothies..." mutter Skipper in his sleep.

"Egh, don't you just find it so annoying when people talk in their sleep?" asked Julien. He raised his hand before knocking lightly on Skipper's head. "Wakey, wakey! Small, smelly fish and pancakes-y."

Skipper sat up with a jolt. "Evasive maneuvers! Deploy all...wha? What happened?"

"It appears you fell asleep at the table." said Kowalski. "Bad night's sleep?"

"You couldn't possibly imagine."

"Well, I for one slept like a large piece of wood." said Julien. "It was like sleeping on a giant feathery pillow."

"Glad you enjoyed yourself." growled Skipper just as a small ding echoed from across the room.

"At last!" said Kowalski, waddling over to a small machine. "It's ready!"

"More pancakes? I'll have mine with the mapley syrup and whipping cream."

"No, the solvent! It's finally finished processing!"

"Oh, well can I still get those pancakes?"

"Forget the pancakes!" shouted Skipper happily. "Don't you realize what this means? We'll finally be free! Free!"

"That's great!" said Julien holding out his plate. "Two more please."

* * *

All the lemurs and penguins were assembled topside at the penguin habitat. Julien and Skipper stood together, of course, while Kowalski held the beaker containing the solvent.

"Now, you're sure this will get us apart?" asked Skipper.

"I'm one hundred percent sure."

"Safely?"

"I'm thirty percent sure."

Skipper glared at the scientist for just a moment before smiling. "I'll take those odds! Let's do this!"

Nodding in affirmation, Kowalski started forward, the beaker held in his outstretched hand. Carefully, he got between the two, and slowly started to tip the beaker forward while everyone else crowded around him.

"Wait!" said Julien, pushing the scientist back a bit. "Are we sure this won't be staining the royal fur?"

Kowalski was about to nod, when he stepped backwards against Mort, crying out as he started to fall backwards. His arms flailed to maintain balance. The beaker flew from his grasp. Time seemed to pass in slow motion, the beaker slowly turning in the air as Skipper looked onwards in horror. In one last ditch effort to save the precious elixer, he made a leap for the beaker, soaring through the air towards the glass container as if his very life depended on it. He skidded over the ground, his flippers outstretched, the reflection of the prize shining in his eyes. And then the glass hit the concrete inches from his flippers. The chemicals spilled out into a small pool of green, hissing for a moment before settling in a round puddle of useless.

"Wow." said Julien from on top of Skipper's back. "That was unfortunate."

"Kowalski!" shouted Skipper. "Options!"

"I'm afraid the solvent is useless now." said the brainy penguin from his place on the ground. "I'll just have to make another batch."

"Slumber party!" shouted Julien happily. "Three nights in a row! We are being on the fire! Seriously. Does anyone else smell smoke?"

"Um, your majesty." Julien followed Maurice's pointing finger down to the penguin below him who had gone from black and white to black and red. Waves of heat poured off the furious penguin as steam spewed out his nostrils.

"Skipper?" said Prive uncertainly. "Are you all-"

"_Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarg!"_

Everyone covered their ears as Skipper's scream rose to the skies. In a pure display of fury, he attempted to turn around to get his flippers on the source of all his anger: Julien, who was slung around behind him like a rag doll in the mad pursuit.

"Skipper!" shouted Kowalski. "He's stuck to your back! It is scientifically impossible for you to-"

"I know!' shouted Skipper. "But I have to try!"

Round and round the two went, the waves of heat pouring off of Skipper from his rage. As they span faster and faster the grip between the two bodies began to loosen. More and more as the seconds flew by the hold began to weaken, until in a moment complete surprise Julien was flung from the penguin's body, flying across the sky like a rouge missile until he landed on the large bouncy in his habitat, which bounced him around a couple times until he settled safely on the inflated rubber. Minus one lemur sized amount of weight, Skipper was sent off balance, spinning like a top until he was sent plummeting into the water surrounding the pool with a great splash.

"King Julien!" shouted Mort as the other two lemurs ran to check on their king.

"...What just happened?" asked Private. A splash of water caused the assembled penguins to turn and watch as their leader rose from the water.

"I'm...free?" said Skipper in astonishment. "_I'm free!_ Thank the Lord! I'm free!"

"But I thought you said the solvent was the only thing that could separate them?" To emphasize his point, Private pointed over to the puddle of solvent, which as if on cue hissed like a coiled snake before melting away the concrete it sat on. Kowalski stared at the melted puddle of stone.

"Well, so much for thirty percent certainty."

"But I don't understand." said Skipper. "How were we separated?"

"It must have been the heat. I designed the adhesive to melt when it come in contact with extreme heat, but I never had a chance to make sure that it was heat proof after it had been applied. Oh, the oversight! It was so simple!"

"Well for once I'm glad you botched up one of your horrendous experiments." said Skipper, giving Kowalski a pat on the back. "Yep. It looks like everything turned out just fine."

"But Skipper, there's still one thing I don't understand."

"And what's that, Private?"

"If the adhesive comes apart when exposed to heat, what happens when the lemur's rock get's hot from the sun?"

Skipper raised his flipper to answer, but stopped short. Everyone turned their heads towards the lemur habitat where, as if on cue, the center rock collapsed into a large pile of rock fragments.

"Our home!"

The penguins stared at the freshly wrecked habitat in utter dismay.

"Rico." said Skipper. The psycho penguin nodded once before regurgitating an eye patch, a fishing hat, and a saxophone, which Skipper, Rico, and Kowalski took respectively.

"Next stop, Canada."

The three penguins turned, and began sliding off towards the sunrise, leaving one very confused Private to stare after them. He looked back and forth between his retreating comrades and the busted lemur habitat before finally sliding after his team.

"Wait for me!"

_**~End~**_

* * *

_Author's Note_: Episode 1 of Secret Seasons complete. I hope you guys liked it. Please let me know what you think if you get a chance, kay? I can always use some rockin' constructive criticism, especially from such rockin' readers! Episode 2 coming soon. Till next time!


	3. Episode 2: Royal Reversal

**~Royal Reversal~**

* * *

_-Zoo: Midday. Approximately 1200 Hours_

"Gather round boy and girls! Come. Come one and all!"

Children and adults alike gathered in the center of Central Park Zoo, flocking towards a rotund man in a tuxedo and top hat.

"Everybody come close." he said. "And behold the wonders of what I am about to show you! The powers...of magic!"

With flourish and flair the man pulled a large bouquet of flowers seemingly from nowhere, which he handed to a little girl in the front row. Over at the penguin habitat, four flightless birds watched with varying levels of enthusiasm.

"Oh, goody!" said Private. "A magic show! I love a good magic show, don't you Skipper."

"Negatory, Private. I don't trust magicians. They stuff innocent animals in some kind of freaky time space warp inside their hats, bringing them out only at their own leisure. He could have an entire prison inside that top!"

"Oh, come on!" shouted Kowalski. "You can't possibly be falling for those cheap sideshow parlor tricks!"

"What do you mean?" asked Private.

"It's obvious he pulled those flower from his sleeve"

"And for my next trick." shouted the magician, placing his hat on a blue cloth covered table. "I shall pull a rabbit out of my hat!"

"See!" shouted Skipper. "Look at him. Flaunting his freaky animal jail in front of all those children! Doesn't he have any shame?"

"There's a _hole_ in the _table_. Come on! It's sooo obvious!"

"Relax Kowalski." said Private cheerfully. "Just enjoy the show. Have a little fun."

"Oh, of coouurse! Let's all just do a merry jig and watch the silly man make a _mockery _of scientific principal!"

Applause erupted from the magician's audience as he held a fluffy bunny in his hand. The bunny waved cheerfully at the audience, nuzzling up to the magician who then fed the bunny a carrot.

"Look at him." said Skipper. "The pour lad's so scared he can't even move to escape. That man has him under his thumb."

"Thank you!" shouted the magician. "And for my next trick I shall need a volunteer!" The crowd yelped eagerly as people strove for attention and the chance to participate in the magician's act. "How aboooouuuut...you!"

The crowd parted, revealing Alice the zookeeper, who had been sweeping the grounds behind the crowd. She kept sweeping for a few moments until she figured out who he was referring to.

"Me?" she asked incredulously.

"Of course! Come right on up!"

"Oh, no. I don't-"

"Awwww! Looks like she's a little shy folks. Let's give her a hand!"

Shouts and cheers erupted from the audience, both encouraging and pressuring the reluctant zoo keeper to take the stage.

"I don't...I mean, really I...I have to..." The cheering grew louder around her, peer pressure increasing with every shout. It was only a moment more before she was forced into resignation. "Ugh, fine!"

Cheering continued as she trudged through the part in the crowd, ascending the stage and taking a seat as the magician gestured to a prepared chair.

"Isn't she a peach folks?"

"Let's just get this over with."

"As you wish." Turning to the audience, he began making grand, sweeping gestures. "For my next trick, I shall be employing the ancient art, of _hypnotism_" With wave of his hand, he held out a gold pocket watch, dangling it to the oohs and aahs of the audience.

"Look at that." said Skipper. "Now he's brainwashing people! Is there no end to this mad man's depravity?"

"Pffft. It's a hoax!" scoffed Kowalski. "Hypnotism is nothing more than a trick used on the weak minded."

"Might wanna stow that scoffing, soldier." said Skipper, pointing to the stage where Alice sat sleeping in her chair, the magician swinging the watch back and forth in front of her face.

"She is now under my trance." said the magician, eliciting several more oohs and aahs from the audience.

"He's hypnotized Alice." said Private excitedly.

"Or she's fallen asleep from boredom." scoffed Kowalski again, his flippers crossed.

"Listen to the sound of my voice." said the magician. "You will do as I say."

"Complete mind control." said Skipper. "Impessive."

"It's fake!" shouted Kowalski. "How many times do I have to-"

"I don't know, Kowalski." said Private. "That looks pretty real."

The four penguins looked on while the hypnotized Alice disco danced on stage, doing some extreme moves before jumping and landing in a split. The audience erupted in cheers while the magician took a bow.

"B-b-b-b-but that's-"

"Seems like your scoff just got shot down." said Skipper, patting the stuttering scientist on the back. "Not to worry. We're all forced to eat their own words every now and then. I like mine raw with a side of barbeque sauce and lemon."

"As long as you learn from the experience, it'll all be worth it."

"Right you are Private. Now come on men. We have a jail break to orchestrate. I want all the prisoners freed from that hat on the double. Move! Move! Move!"

As one the three penguins secretly slide out of their pen, initiating their plan and leaving Kowalski behind to stare at the magician.

"Learn something..." repeated Kowalski as he stared at the magician, his eyes going to the watch in his hand while he bowed to the applauding audience. "Maybe I can."

* * *

_Meanwhile_

"Maurice! Are you seeing what I am seeing?"

Marucie looked at his illustrious king before looking back to the crowd, who were clapping rhythmically as Alice continued to disco dance.

"Believe me, I wish I didn't."

"No, not that. Look at the great, shiny medallion the magic man is holding! Isn't it beautiful?"

"I guess."

"Just imagine if I was having such bling as that. How it would hang around my kingly neck, adding even more magnificence to my already magnificent self." Julien caressed the air for a moment as if he already had something hanging there. "Maurice! I command you to find your king some new bling!"

"And just where am I supposed to find this 'new bling'?"

"Maurice, if I knew that don't you think I would have gotten it myself?"

"No."

"Good point. Now get to work."

Maurice sighed as he hopped down from the central rock down onto the brick perimeter of the lemur habitat.

"'Find some bling' he says. Oh, and I suppose there are some royal class jewels just lying a-"

Maurice stopped short. There, sitting right in the middle of the zoo plaza, was a big, fat, emerald ring! A massive emerald attached to a little ring!

"I can't believe it." he muttered to himself, dumbfounded. "Just sitting there. Right there. Oh, King Julien's gonna be so happy! I-" He looked around. "I gotta get moving."

As stealthily as possible, the hefty lemur slipped through the metal fence, and dropped down to the ground, quickly ducking behind a nearby trashcan as a couple of humans passed by. He briefly glanced at the crowd, which was still being distracted by the magician, who was standing in front of a sleeping Alice once more seated in the chair.

"Perfect." said Maurice as he quickly made a break for the prize, occasionally ducking behind lampposts and signs when he thought he might be seen. It took only a couple moments before he made it to the center of the plaza where the treasure lay. Slowly, carefully, he lifted the ring from the ground.

"I don't know who lost you." he said, staring at his reflection in the gem. "But I know one lemur king who's going to take real good care of you. Or have me take care of you. Either way, you're coming with me."

"Rico, now!"

"Huh?"

Screams erupted from the assembled crowd as smoke filled the air. Maurice started to back up as three more explosions of smoke erupted in the crowd, sending all the humans into a frenzy. They all began fleeing the scene like a stampede of rampaging rhinos headed right towards him. His eyes opened wide.

"Oh cru-"

And then they were upon him.

* * *

"_Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"_

King Julien looked down at the rampaging crowd below, watching as people panicked, screaming in the midst of the smoke that permeated the air.

"Mort?"

"Yeeeeeeees?" asked the little lemur sitting adorably beside the king's throne.

"Do you hear screaming?"

"Yes I do."

"No no. Not the general screamy screaming of the screamy people. I mean, more like a familiar screaming."

"Ooooh. Nope."

"Okay. Just checking." The king sat back in his throne, taking a bite from his mango. The two sat there quietly, as the screams continued to fill the air.

"_Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Oh, the pain! The pain!"_

"See!" said Julien, pointing at the crowd. "There it is again! It is being on the tip of my tongue, but I just can't think with all this screaming going on! It is driving me crazy! Mort, go make them shut up."

"Okay!" The little lemur happily skipped over the to the end of the rock and started angrily screaming at the crowd. "Hey all you people! Be quiet! You are driving King Julien _crazy_!"

The people continued to run around, frantically screaming in the midst of the smoke.

"They are not listening to me." said Mort sadly. Julien sighed, placing his hand over his eyes.

"Oh, Mort...Okay. New plan! Instead of yelling at the panicy screamy people, I, your king, shall go yell at the penguins, who are causing them to be all panicy and screamy, to stop...whatever it is they are doing. In the mean time, you stay here, and keep an eye out for Maurice in case he returns with the new royal bling."

"_Somebody help me! Oh, it hurts!"_

"Erg! Not knowing why that screaming is seeming so familiar is going to drive me loco! I must get to the bottom of this mystery at once!" He sat back down in his throne. "Right after I finish this mango. I can't be solving a mystery on an empty stomach." He took another bite. "Oh yeah. That is a good mango."

* * *

_Penguin Base 1245 Hours_

The door slammed open into the base, through which three battered and bruised penguins waddled in.

"Ungrateful bunch of patsies." said Skipper angrily. "You'd almost think they _wanted_ to stay with that madman."

"I don't know." said Private, applying bandages to his clawed up rear end. "That tiger was pretty insistent that he wanted to stay just where he was, and I don't think those doves were at all happy with Rico."

Rico started hacking, coughing out several white feathers.

"They've obviously been brainwashed." said Skipper. "Good thing we brought them back to the base for debrainwashing. Rico, debrainwashing equipment."

"Gah!" Rico nodded happily, hacking up a croquet mallet, a pair of pliers, a medieval flail, and a box of tissues.

"Two ply, man! Two ply! We're not barbarians. Now, where's Kowalski? We need him to operate the electrodes."

"Bzzt! Bzzt!"

"Precisely, Rico."

"That won't be necessary."

All three injured penguins turned as Kowalski walked out of his lab, a pair of black goggles over his eyes and a large, golden pocket watch with clear gemstones all around the face in his hand, a gold chain trailing from the top.

"Behold!" said Kowalski holding up the watch. "My latest invention!"

"...Hate to break it to you Kowalski," said Skipper. "but the pocket watch has already been invented."

"Though the little crystals are a lovely touch." added Private.

"Ooooh, but this is no mere watch!" said Kowalski.

"So, it doesn't tell time?"

"Well...yes, it does, but that's not-"

"Seems pretty standard to me." said Skipper.

"Maybe it has one of those little compasses built in."

"Ooooh, a compass watch. Well played, Kowalski."

"It's not a compass watch." said Kowalski flatly.

"Oh...well then what is it?"

"I call it...the Hypnotic Pendulum! With this device we can reprogram any mind to do or act any way we want! Observe." The scientist walked over to Private, holding the watch in from of him. "Look at the watch, Private."

"Um, okay."

"Are you looking closely?"

"Yes. Yes I am."

"Good. Now with the mere press of this little button on top, I shall reprogram Private's entire personality!"

"I'm not sure I want my-"

With a press of the button, Private was silenced as the hands on the watch began to spin. Round and round. Faster and faster. The face glowed a vibrant purple, an effect which was mirrored in young Private's eyes as he fell under the device's hypnotic spell.

"Can you hear me, Private?"

"Yeeees." said the littlest penguin, his eyes fixated on the watch.

"Excellent. Now, Private, how would you like to be a pirate?"

Private blinked, the purple glow disappearing from his eyes and a menacing sneer appearing on his face.

"What do ye mean 'how would I like ta be a pirate'? I _am_ a pirate ye bilge gurgling, seagull lovin', piece of crab bait!"

"You see!" said Kowalski, ignoring the irate cadet. "All it takes is the smallest of suggestions, and it's like they're an entirely new person."

"Oi! I be talkin' ta ye!"

"Outstanding, Kowalski!" shouted Skipper. "This will make debrainwashing that madman's victims way easier. Rico, stow the iron maiden."

"Awwwwwwwww." Rico slouched in disappointment, pushing the medieval torture device away.

"Now, how about we go see what that baby can really do?"

"Slight problem, Skipper." said Kowalski.

"And what's that?" said Skipper turning back to his brainy comrade. Safe to say he was a bit shocked when he saw that said comrade was currently bound with rope, unable to move with an angry Private standing threateningly behind him.

"It appears that I made a slight miscalculation when accounting for Piravtes altered personality."

"Shut yer yap!" said Private, holding a large spoon to Kowalski's throat. "I don't take kindly ta people who ignore me when I'm talkin' ta them."

"In retrospect pirate may not have been the best idea."

"Ya think?!" retorted Skipper.

"Quiet before I keelhaul all y'all!" shouted Private. "Now, if ye don't mind, I'll be taking this little trinket, and be on me way." He laughed as he lifted up the watch, forming the chain into a necklace and placing it over his neck. "A fine piece of treasure ta start me reign o' pirate plunderin'."

"Well, we do mind." said Skipper as he and Rico took up battle positions. "And you're not going anywhere."

"Oh, really? Not even with me...hostage!" Private lifted up Kowalski, holding the spoon against his throat. "Make a move, I dare ye! I'll spoon his brains out and spread it on me breakfast toast, which will go lovely with me oatmeal and a tall glass o' orange juice."

"Skippeeeeeer. Do somethiiiing." said Kowalski, nervously eying the spoon.

"White or wheat toast?" asked Skipper.

"Skipper!"

"Wheat toast. Got ta have yer fiber."

"Blast. Okay, fine. We'll let you pass...for now. But mark my words, this isn't over."

"We'll see about that. Yarharharhaaar."

The reprogrammed penguin slowly walked past his former comrades, his eyes never leaving their faces. When he got to the ladder leading to the surface, with a forceful push he shoved Kowalski forward into the two other penguins, making a break out of the base while Skipper and Rico hurried to untie their bound friend.

"After him!" shouted Skipper once Kowalski was free. The three ran from the base in hot and blazing pursuit of their hypnotized friend...

* * *

Pirate Private dove behind a nearby trash can as the other three penguins burst out of the base, stealthily placing decoys in their place to distract the zoo patrons before shooting off the opposite direction.

"Barnacle brained bunch a landlubbers." he said smiling, taking a nice long look at his shiny, gold prize. "They'll never get me, or me treasure. Still, better hide this somewhere just in case. But where?..."

Thinking it over for a moment, he looked around until he spotted a nearby bush.

"Perfect."

Quick as a flash, he slid over to the bush, setting the watch down and covering it with leaves.

"That will keep ye nice and safe while I go get more shiny friends to join ye. Now ye just stay right there, and I'll be back right after I've plundered the entire zoo of all it be worth! Yarharharharhar!"

Private dove out of the bushes, sliding across the concrete and laughing all the way! Which lasted all of three to four seconds, as he was interrupted when...

"Get him!"

"Wha?!"

The three other penguins smashed into him, tackling him to the ground and subduing him with their combined might in a matter of moments. A lesson can be learned from this. Even if you turn evil, it doesn't mean you're any stronger than you started out, and as the least experienced of the penguins going up against his three senior comrades, it was really only a matter of time until they got him tied up and dragged him back towards the base, Private saying several choice piratey phrases along the way. Unbeknownst to the penguins, however, was that a certain someone with an affinity for crowns and dancing had been watching the entire thing unfold from nearby.

"Well, that was interesting." said Julien walking out from his point of observation behind the corner of the brick wall surrounding his habitat. "I was going to be yelling at them, but it looks like the cutey penguin is taking care of it for me. How I am loving it when people are doing what I am wanting done before I am having to speak it."

Feeling satisfied that the penguins were receiving a good tongue lashing with an extra salty tongue, Julien turned to go back to his kingly abode. However, as he started to think about having Maurice make him a guava berry smoothie when he got back from his bling hunt, a sparkle of something shiny caught his eye from inside the bushes. Having a deep affection for all things that sparkled, he couldn't resist wandering into the shrubbery to find out what this sparkly thing was. A shine from beneath the carpet of fallen leaves was quick to draw him close. He brushed away the layer of fallen foliage, revealing a beautiful gold watch beneath, complete with extra shimmering stones!

"_Oooooooooooh."_ moaned Julien in delight as he lifted the watch. "I have never seen such magnificent bling in all my life! Just look how it sparkles!" With tender affection, he slipped the chain around his neck, the watch hanging down over his stomach. "A perfect fit! This is most obviously a gift from the Sky Spirits! Thanking you Sky Spirits! Thanking you very much!"

Giddy as a kid in the candy shop on free samples day, the king dashed out of the bushes back towards his home.

"Mort! Maurice! Your king is now having bling that is off the chizang!"

* * *

"Talk!"

White light shone directly onto Private's face as he stood against the wall, tied to a wooden pole. Skipper sat at a table in front of him, a cup of coffee in his flipper and Kowalski and Rico at his back.

"Where. Is. The watch?" said Skipper, punctuating every word.

"Ye'll never get a word out of me, ye seaweed eatin' scalleywag."

"Ha! We just did!"

"Twelve to be exact." added Kowalski.

"Yeah, well here's another! Pthhhhhhh!" Spittle flew at the other three as Private blew a long raspberry towards them, and action which caused Skipper's eye to twitch, which matched the sneer currently gracing his face quit nicely.

"Technically, a raspberry isn't a word." said Kowalski.

"I do not tolerate this kind of insubordination from my soldiers! Not even from a brainwashed one. Now either you tell me where that watch is, or I try debrainwashing you without it. Comprende?"

"Yer mother kissed a sea lion."

"Ooooooooooooh." said Rico, his flipper over his mouth. Skipper face turned red as rage permeated every fiber of his being.

"Kowalski! Get the electrodes."

* * *

"Check. Check. Check. Check. Check it out! King J is in the hiz-ous!"

Julien lept up onto the ledge, boggying across the platform in full rappin' form, clearly flaunting his shiny new bling.

"Oooooh, it's so shiny!" said Mort, skipping over to his king. "What is it?"

"Silly, Mort. It is obviously the new royal bling! Now, where is Maurice?"

"Right...here...your majesty."

Battered, bruised, and sporting a piece of gum stuck onto his left ear, the hefty lemur dragged himself over the edge and onto the main platform.

"Maurice, where have you been? And why do you have gum stuck to your head?"

"Bling...trampling...panic...pain...shoes!" Maurice huffed, trying to get his breathing regular again.

"Ugh, I cannot be understanding you when you are being all wheezey. Mort, get him something to drink."

"Okay!" Mort ran over to the bar, and fetched Maurice a smoothie, which he drank gratefully.

"Oh, that's good, baby."

"Now, let us be taking it from the top."

"Okay." said Maurice. "I was off hunting for bling, when those psychotic penguins went on a rampage. The humans stampeded! It was horrible! I-"

"Speaking of bling!" said Julien cutting Maurice's tragic tale of pain short. "Check out the bling that I found!" He gestured to the watch hanging around his neck, striking a pose as he delicately stroked the metal. "See how the gemstones sparkles in the sun?"

"Oh, it's real nice alright." said Maurice smiling slyly. "But check out _this_!" Maurice pulled the ring from behind his back, the sun glinting off the massive gem! Julien's eyes widened in delight as he rushed over and grabbed the ring, holding it above his head in wonder.

"It is beautiful!" he shouted, twirling with it held above his head as Maurice looked on satisfied at the reaction his hard fought for prize was receiving.

"Oh, Maurice! I am so happy! This ring is..." Julien paused for a moment, appearing perplexed. He sniffed the ring. "Sweet."

"Yeah, it is pretty sweet if I do say so myself." said Maurice looking might pleased with himself.

"No, I mean this ring is sweet sweet."

"Now, King Julien, let's stop all this complimenting. Just knowing you're happy is-" Maurice stopped as Julien gave the ring a nice long like from bottom to top, which he thought was a little...strange, to say the least.

"Eck." gagged Julien, shaking his head as if to get rid of the taste "Green apple. Here, you have it." He tossed the ring back to his adviser, who grabbed it looking more than a little confused.

"K-king Julien. I-Idon't understand. I..." Maurice drifted off as he caught a whiff of something sweet and sugary coming of the ring. He sniffed it closer and then gave it a lick as well. "It's...candy." He said, crestfallen.

"That is what I was just saying." said Julien, taking a seat on his throne, and admiring the watch.

"B-but I...I worked so hard...the shoes, they..."

"I can see that you are feeling disappointed right now. Why don't you go make us all smoothies to help lift your fallen spirits, okay?"

Maurice looked down. "Yeah. Okay." Slouched in defeat Maurice turned, starting the trudge towards the smoothie bar. After a couple steps, however, he stopped, standing up right, a determined look on his face.

"You know what. It's not okay." he turned to Julien, who looked down from his throne at him. "I worked hard for that ring. Sure it was candy, but that doesn't mean that _blah. Blah blah blah. Blah blah blue blah bla..._"

Julien stared at his shouty adviser, his eyes wide and apparently intensely focused. His mind however was...not quite so focused.

"_Wow." _thought Julien as he listened to Maurice's blahs. _"I have never noticed how strange Maurice's mouth is looking when he talks. He seems upset about something. Maybe he also does not like the green apple. Such a horrible flavor...I wonder what flavor that gum on his ear was. It looks strawberry. Speaking of which, I could really go for a strawberry fruity drink."_ He went back to looking lovingly over his watch. _"Yes, something nice and sweet and fruity to drink as I admire the royal bling..."_

Maurice and Mort stared up at their king, Maurice with arms crossed, looking peeved.

"He does realize he's talking out loud, right?" asked Maurice as he watched his king stroke the watch.

"Yes, how lovely you are, my beautiful bling..."

Maurice sighed. "You know I wish you understood what I go through for you, your majesty. I work hard. I..."

As Julien continued to caress his prize and ignore Maurice, he noticed the button on top of the watch. Curious, he decided to do what any logically minded mammal would do. Press it. To his delight the hands on the watch started to spin, faster and faster. Round and round. He became excited at the thought that his royal bling could do such a thing, however, as the watch face glowed that vibrant purple all excitement, and everything else for that matter, disappeared from his mind.

"I just wish you knew what it was like to be a servant to the king." said Maurice. Julien snapped out of his trance. "I mean, always trying to make sure the king is happy. Always-"

"Okay." said Julien happily, hoping off the throne, and plopping his crown down right on top of Maurice's head. "And what shall I be doing for you first, your majesticness?"

"...Say what?"

* * *

"Talk!"

_BZZZZT!_

"Yer mother drinks bilge water!"

"Talk!"

_BZZZZT!_

"Yar daddy smells like...orca poo!"

"Talk!"

_BZZZZZZZT!_

"Ur...uncle Jibby...flipped the doobly jig over the plinky-boo..."

Skipper scowled as a shocked and charred Private laughed loopily in front of him.

"Kowalski, analysis."

Kowalski stuck a meat thermometer in Privates mouth. "His electrocution level is at medium-rare."

"Let's go for well done. Up the voltage!"

"Bwahahahaha!" Rico laughed menacingly as turned up the machine, sparking the electrodes together in preparation for another bout of shock treatment.

"Skipper, I don't believe this is working."

"Then we'll just have to try something different. Rico, get the iron maiden."

"Before we try that, I may have different solution." He turned to Private, who sneered at him in disdain.

"Do yer worst. Ye'll never find me treasure!"

"Oh, I believe you'll tell exactly where it is in approximately forty three seconds." Kowalski held up one of the dove feathers from earlier, walking slowly towards his victim.

* * *

"This isn't natural..."

Maurice sat high atop King Julien's throne, a plush pillow beneath him, a crown upon his head, the watch around his neck, a fruit smoothie in his hand, an extremely weirded out look on his face, and a King Julien rubbing in tight circles upon his feet as if all of this was completely normal. Mort sat off to the side, staring in horror and shivering in fear.

"Very sorry, your magnificence. I shall try to be making the rubbing feel more natural."

"I'm scared." whispered Mort.

"Here, let me freshen up your smoothie, and then I can be grooming the royal fur." Julien grabbed the glass, and walked off to the bar, leaving Maurice and Mort all by their little freaking out selves.

"What is wrong with King Julien?!" yelled Mort once he was out of site. Maurice jumped down from the throne, leaning in closer to Mort.

"It's a trap. It's gotta be." said Maurice, his eyes wide with fear.

"What do you mean?"

"King Julien must have gotten so mad when I yelled at him he snapped! He acts all nice now, making it seem like all is right in the world, and then the next time we close out eyes..." Maurice drew his finger across his throat, which drew tears of fear from the little lemur.

"What do we do?!"

"We just don't close our eyes. Don't turn out back on him. We don't let on any sign that we think he's gone-"

"Bananas?"

Both lemurs screamed, jumping back from Julien who had been standing behind them, holding a bunch of bananas.

"Gotcha. No bananas in the smoothie." Julien walked away to resume making the smoothies. Mort turned on Maurice.

"This is you fault!"

"Excuse us."

The lemurs turned to the edge of the platform, where three out of four penguins stood.

"I believe you have something that belongs to us." said Skipper.

The pair stared for a moment. Maurice attempted to say something, but Julien quickly stepped in between the two parties.

"That is no way to be greeting royalty." said Julien, wagging a finger.

"We don't have time for formalities." said Skipper. "We've got a pirate sitting in out base, and we need that watch to get him back to normal."

"Huh?" said Maurice.

"If you are referring to the royal bling, only the king may be wearing it. Now, I'm afraid you must leave now, as it is time for the king's massage."

"Your massage can wait, Ring Tail. This is an-"

"Oh, not my massage. His." Julien stepped back, gesturing to Maurice. "The king."

All three penguins stood, staring with extremely confused expressions on their faces.

"Kowalski?"

"Um, er, I'm...not sure Skipper." said Kowalski. "It appears that either there has been a drastic political uprising in the lemur kingdom, possibly through a small scale war that somehow slipped through our sensors, or, and this is highly implausible, Julien has somehow fallen prey to the brain altering effects of my Hypnotic Pendulum."

"That reminds me. I've been thinking about that name. The 'Hypnotic Pendulum.' It's a bit of a mouth full. Why don't we shorten? Something catchy. Like, the Hypno Watch, or The Mesmerizer!"

"How about the Neuro Reprogrammer?"

"Nah, let's go with The Mesmerizer. Sounds cooler."

"Hold up. Hold up." said Maurice, coming forward. "You mean that this watch-"

"The Mesmerizer." corrected Skipper.

"Whatever. You mean this thing is what's making Julien act like this?"

"Yep."

"Acting like a servant?"

"Uh-huh."

"Treating me like a king."

"Yep-a-roo."

"Doing anything I say and giving me the royal treatment night and day?"

"Exactly." said Skipper. "But don't worry. All we need is The Mesmerizer back, and we can get everything back to normal. Sound good?"

Maurice stared at them for a moment. He looked at the watch. Then Julien who holding a hot towel. Then the watch. Then the penguins. Then the watch. Then towards Julien again who was now busy preparing an elegantly decorated fruit bowl with little fruit flowers forming a delicious bouquet on top.

"Um, just speaking hypothetically if something were to, say, happen to the watch."

"The Mesmerizer."

"Yeah yeah, that. If something happened to it, could you, possibly, maybe...create another one?"

"Hypothetically, yes." said Kowalski. "It would take a good deal of time, but it could be done."

"And once this new watch was done, you could turn Julien back to normal? If, you know, that hypothetically happened."

"Of course. The hard part would be to building another mesmonium generator, but once that was done it would be a piece of cake."

"Uh-huh. Good to know."

Smiling pleasently for just a moment, Maurice jerked the watch off his neck, and began ruthlessly smashing it against the ground while the penguins stared on, shocked. After a couple more moment of smashing, he stepped back, breathing hard.

"What have you done!?" yelled Skipper.

"Sorry 'bout that." panted Maurice. "But I really need a vacation, and right now I'm finding the royal treatment to my liking, know what I'm sayin'?"

"Don't worry." said Kowalski, dropping to his knees in front of the watch. "With a couple minor repairs it should still-"

"Julien."

A ball-peen hammer slammed down on what remained of the watch, courtesy of Julien.

"Aaaaaaaand, now it's dead."

"You maniac!" yelled Skipper. "I expected better from you."

"What's the problem? You just said you could make another and fix him."

"Yes," said Kowalski. "But I also said it would take time."

"Meanwhile, we have a brainwashed Private sitting in our base singing seas shanties!" yelled Skipper.

"If he takes recommendations, ask for 'Yo ho ho and a bottle of punch.'" said Maurice, taking a seat on the throne. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have pampering to get to. And feel free to take your time on that watch."

Skipper scowled. "Fine! Enjoy your _pampering._"

"Oh, I will. Julien, be a dear and escort the penguins out."

"Yes, master." said Julien bowing. He turned to the birds, shooing them off the rock. "Let's go, flightless birds. You heard the king."

Glaring, the penguins were slowly scooted to the edge until they were forced to dive off, heading back for base. Maurice looked angrily at the penguins as they left.

"Don't know what they're gettin' all upset about." he mumbled to himself. "I deserve this. I work hard night and day. I served Julien loyally, and now it's his turn to serve me for a change. I mean, sure, he's only doing it because of that watch, but it wasn't like I _caused_ Julien to get hypnotized. It's their fault really, I'm just...taking advantage of the situation. If you think about it, it's almost like I'm giving _them_ the punishment _they_ deserve for making a hypno watch in the first place. I mean, who does that? Going around inventin' things that mess with people's heads. Hmph. Teach them a lesson."

"How could you?"

Maurice turned to Mort looking up at him and shaking with anger.

"You are a traitor!" shouted Mort. "The Penguins could have fixed King Julien with watch, but you break watch! You are...bad person!"

"Oh, relax Mort." said Maurice, leaning back in the throne. "No one's getting hurt. The penguins will have a new watch in no time, and everything will be back to normal. For now, let's just enjoy the ride."

"No! I will never accept this! I-"

"Julien, would you please let Mort hug your foot."

"Yes, master."

Julien held out his leg in front of Mort, the foot tantalizingly close to his face. The little lemur's eyes were wide.

"Oooooh...the feet. Must...hug. No! Must resist. I will not be a part of this! I...I..." Slowly his hands reached out towards the foot, taking hold of it, feeling the long, magnificent toes. As his hands caressed the foot, his will power melted. "Feet!" He crawled onto Julien's leg, hugging the foot in a state of pure bliss.

"So, what do you think now, Mort?"

"I am...bad person." he said smiling.

"Welcome to good life. Let's celebrate. Julien, how about some of that fruit salad, and don't forget the dip."

"Yes, master."

Julien limped off towards the bar with Mort still clinging to his leg while Maurice put one hand behind his head, and raised his smoothie with the other.

"Here's to the good life, baby."

* * *

_Week 1_

"Ooooh. Oh yeah. Right there, baby. Little lower. _Awwwwww._ So good."

Maurice lay on a long table as Julien gave him a firm handed massage, Mort clinging to his leg as he did so.

"Your shoulders are being so tight." said Julien. "You must be under too much of the stress. Here, a hot towel to ease your muscles."

Maurice groaned in pleasure as the towel was laid across his upper back, the steam and heat hurting initially, but soothing afterwords.

"This is the life." he said while Julien began working on his lower back.

"You said it." said Mort, contently hugging the feet.

* * *

_Week 2_

Maurice sat at a long table, enjoying a gourmet meal consisting of roasted pineapple, sauteed cherries, strawberry yogurt, a banana split, and much much more.

"This is delicious!" he said. "I had no idea you knew how to cook like this. Or how to play the violin."

Julien smiled as he continued the soft ballad on his violin.

"Silly master. I am being whatever you are wanting me to be. There is nothing I shall not become if you so desire it."

"Haha. Yeah..." Maurice laughed uncomfortably at the statement, looking away from Julien as he took a bite out of a sauteed cherry.

"And is master Mort enjoying his meal?"

Mort sat on the ground, one arm wrapped around Julien's leg and the other being used to eat the sundae beside him.

"Yeah! It's...great! Haha." Mort stuck another bite in his mouth. "Mmmmmm...yummy..."

* * *

_Week 3_

Loud music thumped at the lemur habitat. It was late at night, but that didn't stop the lemurs from breaking every noise ordinance in the state of New York. The multicolored party lights strobed to the beat of the song, adding some razzle dazzle to the already rockin' party! Mort and Maurice were breaking it down on the dance floor, while Julien was off to the side, polishing the royal throne.

"Come on!" shouted Maurice. "Join us! It's time to boogy down! _Ow!_"

"Dance party!" shouted Mort.

"As you wish, your highness." Julien calmly set down his rag and polish and walked over to the dance floor, a vague smile on his face as he two stepped to the beat of the song, shaking his fists like maracas as he swung side to side.

"Now come on!" said Maurice, breaking out the robot. "You love dancing! Have some fun! Let loose! Break it down!"

"Yes, master. I shall do better."

"Nooooo. It's not about doing better. It's about having fun!"

"But I am having fun. Serving you is being the most fun thing ever! What more could I possibly be wanting?"

Maurice slowly stopped dancing while Julien did a loose disco, staring at the former king.

"Actually, I'm feeling a little tired. I think I'll just go to bed."

"Very well. Shall go fetch you a blanket?"

"No. No it's fine. I got it."

"As you wish. Good night, your highness."

"Yeah...Night."

Slowly, the larger lemur made his way down to the bouncy, taking the crown off his head and holding it in his hands as he went. When he got there he found an elegantly arranged pile of fluffed pillows, a freshly cleaned sleeping mask, and a tiny mint on top. He stared at the entire thing and sighed. Instead of going to sleep on the elegantly arranged bed before him, he silently dragged a single pillow off the pile, curling up with it on the grass covered ground. He placed the crown in front of him as he placed his head on the soft, plush pillow. Though he tried to fall asleep, he remained wide awake. His eyes ever fixed on the crown.

* * *

_Lemur Habitat. Morning. 1000 Hours._

Maurice sat at the edge of the central platform in the lemur habitat, the crown sitting beside him. Slowly Mort walked over, plopping down beside of him to join him in dangling their feet in the air.

"Morning." said Maurice.

"Morning." Mort looked around. "Where is King Julien?"

"I think he's off wiping down the bouncy. Why aren't you with him huggin' on his feet."

"I am taking a break from the feet hugging." he said, looking down.

"Yeah. I can understand that."

Both lemurs continued looking down in silence, each lost in their own thoughts. Eventually, Maurice looked up with a smile.

"Say, why don't we go visit the penguins today? We could drop in. Say hi. Maybe even check on how that watch is going."

"Really?!" asked Mort, now excited.

"Yeah! It'll be a blast. Come on. Let's go."

"Okay!"

Finally looking energetic, the two lemurs jumped down from the platform, running quickly across the grass, and hoping over the brick fence on their way to penguin HQ.

* * *

"_Blow the man down!  
Blow the man down!  
Hey! Ho!  
__Blow the man down!"_

"Will you _shut up!_" yelled Skipper, shaking the bars of the cage where Pirvate was currently being detained.

"Awwww, does it make you upset when I sing me shanties?" asked Private.

"Frankly, yes."

"Good. _Blow the man down!  
Blow the man down!  
__Hey! Ho!  
__Blow the man down!"_

Skipper grimaced in frustration. "Rico, detain that mouth."

"Uh-huh." Rico coughed, hacking up a sock and stuffing it in the caged Privates mouth, placing some duct tape over said mouth for extra measure.

"Ah, duct tape. Is there anything you can't solve?"

"Knock! Knock!"

Skipper turned around as Maurice and Mort made an entrance through the front door.

"Well, if it isn't the selfish Mesmerizer smasher and his little friend. How's your _pampering_ going."

"Uh, great!" said Maurice. "It's awesome. Wonderful, even."

"Good to know. So, what brings you here?"

"Oooh, you know. We just wanted to drop in and say hi. See how you were..."

"Is watch finished?!" shouted Mort, though Maurice was quick to slap a hand over the little lemur's mouth. He looked at Skipper, who was looking at them both oddly.

"Hehe. You know Mort. Always asking unimportant questions. But, and this is strictly for the sake of curiosity...is it?"

"Is it what?"

"The watch. Is it done?"

"Well if by watch you mean the Mesmerizer, then no. Otherwise Sea Shanty Jo over there wouldn't be locked up in a gerbil cage."

"Oh." Maurice looked disappointed for a moment before remembering to avoid looking that way in front of Skipper. "And, just out of curiosity, when will it be ready."

"Kowalski?"

The scientist penguin looked up from his work, breaking out the abacus. "Well, according to my calculations, it should be ready in as little as eight-"

"Days?!"

"Weeks."

"_What?!_" Both lemurs shouted, shocked. Maurice stepped forward.

"What do you mean eight weeks?! Can't you finish it any faster?!"

"I thought you were enjoying your little relaxation time." said Skipper. Maurice quickly attempted to compose himself.

"Oh, yeah. I am. I mean Julien does anything I say. He serves me night and day. It's everything I ever wanted and...and..._I can't take it anymore!_" Both lemurs broke down, sobbing on the floor. "He's not even King Julien anymore!"

"The feet are not the feet of King Julien! They are the feet of a _stranger_!"

"You gotta set things right, man, and fast! I don't want this life anymore! I want king Julien back! The guy who would have us dancing for hours on end! The guy who made every day a party! The guy who bossed us around, and made us do stuff because he was to lazy to do it himself! That guy! Not this mindless slave! I want my king back!"

"_King Julien!_"

The assembled penguins watched the lemurs continue sobbing on the floor.

"Um, this is both touching...and extremely awkward." said Kowalski.

"I concur." added Skipper. "Listen lemurs. We'd love to help, really, but we just can't go any faster."

"As I told you before, the mesmonium generator is the hard part. I was able to make the first Mesmerizer with one I already had, but making a second one from scratch takes time. The mesmonium alone takes seven weeks to reach a molecular configuration suitable for use as a power source, let alone the building of the actual generator, calibrations, snack breaks-"

"In other words." said Skipper. "Your stuck with the mindless lackey until that science juice is ready."

"But isn't there some other way to get them back to normal?" asked Maurice, clearly desperate.

"Don't you think we've tried?!" shouted Skipped. "We've done everything. Electrodes, medieval torture devices, we even tried playing the Lunacorns! Lunacorns, man!"

"He called it a sissy, lily livered display unfit for seagull fodder." added Kowalski.

"That part I didn't mind. _The point_ is that what's in that cage isn't Private. What is in that cage is a ruthless, hardened sea dog who would slit your throat with a dull clam shell as soon as look at you, and he will continue to be that way until that generator is up and running."

Maurice looked at the cage. "Um, do ruthless, hardened seadogs normally cry?"

"What?"

As one the penguins turned, shocked expressions covering their faces as they saw that Private was indeed...crying!

"Rico, remove that gag, on the double."

Rico rushed to the cage, ripping off the duct tape and jerking out the sock.

"Oh, that was...Yooooow!" screamed Private, rubbing his beak for a moment before staring at the lemurs, tears of both pain from the duct tape and emotion running down his cheeks. "Oh, that was the most...beautiful display friendship and loyalty I've ever seen!"

"Private?" asked Skipper.

"Yes, Skipper?"

"Are you really...you?"

"Of course I am, silly. Who else would I be? And why am I in a cage?"

"It really is him! He's back!"

The penguins all rushed forward, jerking open the door and hugging their returned friend.

"It's good to have you back, Private!" cried Skipper. "But how?"

"It must have something to do with the lemur's open display of emotion." said Kowalski. "Somehow they managed to touch something at the core of Private's personality which was strong enough to override the Mesmerizer's reprogramming effects."

"Is that possible?"

"Apparently so."

"Um, hate to break up the reunion." said Maurice, a puzzled expression etched plainly across his face. "But what does this all mean?"

"I am so confused." added Mort.

"What it means is we're getting Ring Tail back to his old royal pain self."

"Really?!"

"Hurray!" yelled Mort, jumping up in glee.

"Aw, man, this is great! You guys are the best. So, how we gonna do it?"

"No clue!" said Skipper confidently.

Maurice's smile dropped. "Excuse me?"

"We know now that in order to restore Julien to his former self we have to somehow trigger a part of his personality so deeply ingrained that it can override the Mesmerizer's effects." explained Kowalski. "We just have absolutely no idea how to do that."

"But we'll give it our best shot anyway." said Skipper proudly. "Operation Royal Return is a go!"

* * *

_Lemur Habitat: 1700 Hours_

It was time for strategy. Skipper stood before the assembled penguins and lemurs in front of a large white board, a red marker held in his flipper.

"So, I was really a pirate?" asked Private incredulously.

"And a most fearsome one at that." said Kowalski. "You threatened our lives on several occasions."

"For how long?"

"Oh, saaaay, three weeks."

"Three weeks?!"

"Focus people!" shouted Skipper. "We can catch you up on the missing weeks of your life later. Right now we have to work on Ring Tail. Now, first thing's first. What makes Ring Tail Ring Tail?"

"He is a ring tailed lemur" stated Kowalski. "Also known as Lemur Catta, also known as Infinitus Dancicus Annoying-us." Maurice glared at the brainy bird. "Right, sorry. Too soon for snide remarks and insults. Duly noted."

"None the less, I think we'll need something a bit more in depth that his species. What else?"

"He's a king." said Private. "That's a pretty big part of who he is."

"Correctamundo." said Skipper. "If we want his royal highness back, we need to treat him like he's royalty. That's where you two come in." He motioned to Maurice and Mort. "You go act like you did when he was king. Then, when he starts feeling like a king again, he'll go back to _being_ a king, understand?"

"No problem." said Maurice. "We'll lay the royal treatment on just like we used to. Let's go."

"Yay!"

The two lemurs lept up to the top of the platforms, the penguins following close behind to observe. When they got there, they found Julien painting a large portrait of an extremely buff Maurice laying on a regal couch.

"Ah, there you are, master. I have been working on a painting in honor of you magnificence. You like?"

"Yeah, it's wonderful." said Maurice. "Here, why don't you let me clean those brushes for you while you go relax. Maybe, I don't know, take a seat on the throne. Yeah! Let's go with that!" Maurice tried to grab the brushes.

"Oh, no, your highness." said Julien, pulling the brushes towards him. "It would not be right for the king to be serving a servant."

"My thoughts exactly, so just hand over the brushes,"Maurice jerked them towards him. "And I can clean...them...for...you!"

The two struggled with the brushes, pulling back and forth until finally Maurice jerked them from Julien's hands. The tall lemur stumbled backwards, windmilling through the air to try and keep himself upright, but ultimately failing as he landed straight into the buckets of paint on the ground, splattering paint everywhere, though most notably on himself. Maurice shielded himself so the splatter was minimal, but there was still quite a mess.

"Oops." he said. "Sorry about that."

"No no, your royal fluffiness." said Julien, standing up. "It was clearly being all my fault. I shall go fetch you a towel."

"No, I'll fetch the towel." said Maurice, running off to get the towel before Julien could get there.

"If you so desire, your quickness." said Julien. "I shall go prepare a smoothie to soothe your anxious nerves, for they are appearing more than a little frazzled." Julien, walked over to the blender, and started mixing the fruit up. It was done in a few seconds, but as Julien prepared to serve the drink Mort jumped up on the counter, grabbing the blender.

"Here. Let me serve the drinks." said Mort.

"Really, I've got it." said Julien, struggling for control of the blender. "Do not be putting yourself out."

"But I insist!" Mort jerked the blender with a mighty heave, sending smoothie flying everywhere, most noticeably onto Julien, adding to the already colorful coating that currently matted his fur.

"Oopsie." said Mort shyly.

"I got the towels!" shouted Maurice as if he had just won a marathon, though his smile dropped upon seeing Julien further soiled. Julien, however, simply smiled.

"Silly Master. If you had been wishing for me to be more colorful, all you had to do was ask. I shall now go dip my head into the machine of rainbow snow cones so I may be more pleasing to your eyes."

Maurice and Mort stared as Julien walked off, the penguins observing the entire debacle as it unfolded.

"Well, that didn't work." said Skipper.

"And I believe we can cross off pride in one's appearance from our list of traits the might bring Julien back." added Kowalski. Skipper started tapping a flipper against his chin.

"Pride..."

* * *

_Lemur Habitat: 1730 Hours_

"You want me to _what?_!"

Marlene stared at the assembled birds and lemurs in front of her as if they'd all gone mad, which, quite frankly, wouldn't have surprised her.

"It's simple." said Skipper. "You go over there, and pretend to flirt with Julien. Compliment him. Make him feel like a real stud. He feels flattered. The flattery goes to his head. His ego inflates, and _BOOM_! He's back to normal."

Marlene continued staring until finally she just shook her head. "Okay. Okay. First of all, I'm still trying to get over the fact that you actually brainwashed someone."

"We prefer the term reprogrammed." chided in Kowalski.

"Yeah. Yeah. Whatever. But still, fake flirt? How am I even supposed to do that?! Nu-uh. No way. Not happening."

"We didn't want it to come to this." said Skipper. "But you've left us no other choice." He lifted Mort up in front of Marlene's face, the little lemur's eyes glistening with tears.

"Please. You have to help king Julien. If you don't he'll be stuck like this forever!"

"Technically, it would be eight weeks." added Kowalski.

"Shut uuuup." mumbled Skipper under his breath.

Marlene stared deep into Mort's large, tearful eyes. "No...No, I can't. I mean, I've never done anything like this before. I don't...Stop looking at me like that...I just...can't...Okay. Okay, fine! Fine! I'll do it. Are you happy? Huh?"

"Yaaaay!" shouted Mort, giving the otter a hug. Marlene sighed, prying the little lemur off her.

"Yeah. Cuteness and guilt. Right in one little package. Nice. Real nice. Yeah, hope you're happy."

"Oh, we are." said Skipper, looking victorious. "We are."

Marlene turned from the group towards Julien, who was currently polishing the throne for what could have been the fourth time that day. She stared on for a moment, taking a deep breath to still herself. Mustering all the confidence she could, she started walking towards Julien.

"Remember to pour on the charm!" shouted Skipper.

"I don't need commentary!" shouted Marlene back. She approached Julien. "Ah-hem. Uh, hey there, um, g-good-good lookin. What's...happening?"

Skipper slapped his face. "You call that charm?"

"I said I don't need commentary!" yelled the otter over her shoulder, turning back to Julien with an awkward smile.

"Hello, Marlene." said Julien. "Have you come to stay for dinner? We are having the roasted grapes with peach brulee and strawberry ice cream for dessert."

"No, silly, I came to see...Brulee? Wow, that actually sounds...really fancy."

"Eh, some peaches, brown sugar, some pecans, it's not so hard. The ice cream's what really makes it. I make it from scratch so it is having the extra sweet flavor."

"Wow, I'd actually love to try-"

"Marlene!"

"Yeah. Yeah. In a minute!" she yelled. "So, about that ice cream."

"Eeeeeeerg." Skipper slapped his flipper over his eyes. "This is a disaster!"

"At least Marlene seems to be enjoying herself."

Skipper looked over towards the female otter, who was currently lounging on a bed of pillows, relishing a bowl of freshly churned ice cream while Julien used a leaf fan to keep her cool.

"Oh. Oh, man. This is the best ice cream I've ever had! I mean, _yum_!"

"I am glad it is to your liking." said Julien.

"Oh, it is more than to my liking. It is to my loving!"

Skipper stared flatly at what he considered to be a totally pathetic scene before him. "Okay. Everyone back to the drawing board. Rico, fetch Marlene."

"Uh-gah!" Rico waddle over to the lounging otter, grabbing her by the foot and dragging her as she struggled to get away, though was clearly failing.

"Hey, no. Stop. Get off me." she turned towards Julien. "Call me some time! Or just come over! We'll do lunch!"

* * *

_Lemur Habitat: 1900 Hours_

"Come on!" groaned Skipper. The group sat around, watching as Julien lightly kicked Mort's rear end. "You gotta kick harder than that!"

"Eh, but won't that be hurting him?" asked Julien.

"No! It's okay! I like it!" shouted Mort. "Now kick me like you mean it!"

"Hmmm, just to be safe I shall go wrap a pillow on my foot. Be right back."

The group groaned.

"We've been at this for hours!" shouted Kowalski.

"Though I'm loathe to say, I thing we may have lost this battle." added Skipper.

"What?!" shouted Maurice, standing up. "But you guys can't give up now! Look at how far we've come!"

"Wake up and smell the brulee! We've gotten nowhere! We've tried everything! Boosting his ego, roller disco, we even broke out the electrodes! None of it worked!"

"Though the electrodes did make the roller disco interesting." added Kowalski.

"Face it. It's hopeless."

"No. No I refuse to give up!" shouted Maurice. "I won't-"

"Cheese and crackers man, _enough_!" Skipper got right in Maurice's face, screaming the last word at the top of his lungs.

"Skipper." said Private. "Let's not be rash."

"Oh, no, let's get rash!" said Maurice. "Let's get real rash!"

"Don't think just because we had some minor role to play in all this that it gives you the right to display this kind of open hostility!" shouted Skipper.

"Minor? You caused this whole thing! If it wasn't for that stupid watch-"

"Oh, and who broke the watch so he could have some relaxation time, huh?! That's right. It was you?!"

"Please, stop fighting!" interjected Mort.

"Don't you yell at me!" shouted Maurice to Skipper.

"Oh, I'm not yelling! _This is yelling_! _I'll yell all I want_! _Yell! Yell! Yell! Look at me! I'm yelling and there's nothing you can do about it!_"

"Uh, Skipper..."

"Oh, real mature." said Maurice.

"_I don't have to be mature, cause I'm busy being loud yelling at you! You like my yelling?! Well here's some more!_"

"Skipper?"

"If I didn't need you to help fix king Julien, I'd shut that beak of your for you!"

"_Just go ahead and try!_"

"Skipper!"

"_What?!_"

Private shrank back from the volume of his leader's voice. Slowly, he managed to raise a single flipper, pointing it to the right. Skipper followed the direction the flipper was gesturing to until his eyes landed upon an enraged Julien, who had returned, pillow on foot and one eye twitching in anger.

"Ring Tail?" asked Skipper, curiously.

"How daring you to be yelling at the members of my kingdom!" shouted Julien, furiously. "Only I am being allowed to do that! No one else!"

"Julien?" asked Private. "Is that...Is that you?"

"Well of course it's me, flightless bird. Who else would I be being? Now, Maurice, fetch the royal whooping stick. I must teach this loud mouth a lesson."

"Y-your highness?" asked Maurice. His eyes grew wide as he slowly approached the poised figure of his leader, Mort beside him.

"King Julien?"

"Yes, yes. We all know who I am." said Julien, waving their strange behavior off. "What I am not knowing is why it is taking so long to be getting my whooping stick?!" Julien paused for a moment before snatching the crown off Maurice's head.

"Give me that!" he said. "Maurice! Why were you wearing the royal crown? Only the king is to be wearing the royal crown? And where is the royal bling? It should be around my neck right where I left it. I-"

"Your back!"

Julien stumbled backwards as the two main members of his kingdom rushed into him, clinging tightly in an emotion filled hug.

"King Julien!" shouted Mort. "He has returned!"

Julien stared down at them, his arms raised and a confused expression of his face.

"Okay, while I accept your hugs, you are both freaking me out! I command you stop it this instant!"

"Whatever you say, your majesty." said Maurice backing off, his face lit with joy. "Ha! _Your majesty_! Let me go get you a smoothie _your majesty_! How about a fruit salad _Your Majesty!_ Shall I clean the royal throne? Haha! Your majesty! Your Majesty! _Your Majesty! _Hahahaaa!"

"You are still freaking me out!" shouted Julien as Maurice skipped off happily, a massive spring in his step.

"It is so good to have you back!" shouted Mort, who quickly went from hugging Julien's side to hugging his feet. "Oooooh, all is right once more!"

"And the no freaking out your king rule goes double for you!" shouted Julien. "Now off the feet!" With a mighty kick, Julien sent Mort flying though the sky, the little lemur cheering all the way.

"Wait," said Skipper. "So yelling was the key?"

"Apparently so." answered Kowalski.

"But why?"

"Maybe the thing that was at the deepest part of Julien's personality was how much he cares for his kingdom." suggested Private.

"Sounds completely farfetched, but hey. This entire thing has been grade A freaky."

"Agreed."

"You said it."

"Uh-huh."

"At any rate, I'm gonna declare this mission accomplished, boys." said Skipper proudly, issuing forth a round of high fives.

"Hey!" yelled Julien, pointing a finger angrily. "I'm not being done with you! And when Maurice gets my whooping stick, you are gonna be so sorry you were _ever_ yelling at him! I will make your bottoms so sore you're own mother won't be able to sit! The _baboons_ with burn with the enviousness at the redness of your spanked bottoms! Your booties will be so hot from my mighty wrath you will be able to roast the chesty-nuts on them!_ Are you hear me?!_"

Skipper smiled as Julien continued issuing threats. "It's good to have you back, Ring Tail. It's good to have you back."

_**~End~**_

* * *

_Author's Note: _Yay! Episode two! Sorry if it was a little long. I just had so much plot that I needed to write! Still, I hope you enjoyed it!

Also, this is a shout out to all Penguins fans. Nickalodeon appears to be giving Penguins less and less air time. This is a grave injustice! If you wish to fight it then join the save the Penguins movement by signing the petition that can be found on my profile. You can also do small things to show your support and the popularity of the show, such as liking Penguins on Facebook, Facebooking or Twitttering some of the writers and voice actors to show support, leaving messages, commenting on Penguins on the Nick website, and doing anything else you can think of to show Nick that Penguins is the best show they have and that they need to give them a larger time slot and a whole bunch more seasons! Let's band together my fellow Penguins fans and show them just how numerous we are! Until next time!


	4. Episode 3: Fish Soup for the Soul

**~Fish Soup for the Soul~**

* * *

_-Docks: Midnight_

A half moon hung in the sky over the New York City docks, illuminating the briny waters that swirled around the pier and highlighting the smooth wooden boards of the dock. All was quiet.

"Yo, Mac! I need that crate in building five on the double!"

Well, except for the dock workers that is. One was listening to loud music on their MP3 player, sitting at a massive fork lift while the other was attempting to yell at him.

"Mac! Mac! _Mac!_"

"What?!" the dock worker manning the fork lift plucked out one of the ear buds he had in. "You want somethin' or you just like sayin' my name?"

"Yeah, what I want is for you ta do your job! Now get the crude out a ya ears and do it!"

"Woah woah woah! Don't you be callin' my music crud, aight? It's Vivaldi."

"_You_ listen to Vivaldi?"

"Yeah. It relaxes me."

"You know, you're a very cultured individual, Mac."

"Thank you."

"And you're gonna be a very _fired_ individual if you don't get ta work! Now move it!"

"Hey! Why ya gotta be like that, eh?" The lazy dock worker grumbled to himself as his coworker barged off. "Wise guy." He started up the fork lift, moving the crate across the wooden planks towards a large warehouse, the words _Cold Storage_ emboldened upon the green, steel doors in bold letters. Putting the forklift in park, he got off the machine, and jerked open the doors. Icy fog spewed out of the building, giving the man a big case of the shivers.

"Stupid cold storage." he said, getting back onto the forklift, and pulling it into the building. "I should get a raise for puttin' up with these kinda conditions, or at least some hot cocoa." The fork lift dropped the crate onto the ground. Within a minute's time, the machine was backed out and the steel doors shut and locked once more, leaving all at peace inside the frozen warehouse...

_BOOM!_

The peace was shattered as the top of the crate blew off in a fiery explosion, flying high into the air. Without the top to keep it together, the sides of the crate fell away onto the frozen ground, revealing four penguins, looking very pleased.

"Great use of excessive force, Rico." said Skipper. "Now let's-_oof_!"

Skipper was cut off as the crate lid crashed down on top of the four penguins, eliciting a nice cloud of smoke from the charred piece of wood. The quartet of birds coughed as they dug themselves from under the rubble.

"Okay. Let's try more controlled excessive force next time." said Skipper. Rico nodded his head in understanding."Kowalski, report."

"N-negative ten degrees Celcius, Skipper." said the scientist, his beak chattering while holding up a thermometer. "W-we've successfully made it into the cold storage unit."

"Excellent. Our target?"

"According to my calculations, it should be...right behind us."

"Right, everyone initiate dramatic, emotional turn on my mark. Aaaaaand go!"

As one the four penguins turned, their eyes widening with anticipation, smiles of sheer excitement and wonder plain across their faces. The world seemed to move in slow motion, with beautiful opera music seeming to filter from the skies themselves as they stared right at...a blank wall. The smiles dropped from their faces

"Kowalski!" yelled Skipper angrily. Kowalski took out his abacus, making some quick calculations.

"Sorry. Slight miscalculation. Make that behind us and to the right."

"Miscalculation? We did the dramatic turn, man! You ruined it! Rico even did the opera bit!"

"Yeah!"

"I know. Maybe if we could just turn back around, and try it again we could-"

"No. It's too late! Just for that you don't get to participate in the next one. Now, everyone _except_ Kowalski, execute dramatic turn forty-five degrees to the right...now!"

In a repeat performance of their previous turn, the three penguins moved as one, their wide open eyes staring at their actual prize. Crates stacked high to the ceiling, ice sickles forming lightly around the rims of the containers making them sparkle in the sparse light. Every eye caressed the enticing word that was etched across each crate in beautiful, blocky, industrial print. The one word that could constitute such a display of drama and excitement: Fish.

"It's...beautiful." said Private, a tear coming to his eye.

"Hundreds of pounds of beautiful, succulent fish. And the only thing separating them from our stomachs are a couple of wooden crates."

"_Fish!_" Rico screamed, hacking up a crowbar and dashing across the frost covered floor in a frantic effort to get to the crates. He raised his crowbar high, jamming it into the side of the first crate and ripping off the front, causing numerous fish to spill out before him.

"Gentlemen. Tonight, we feast!"

Diving forward, the three penguins ravenously attacked the succulent beauties of the sea, gorging themselves upon their scaly prizes. Skipper looked over towards Kowalski, who stood scrapping his foot against the floor on the other side of the room.

"Come on Kowalski. This is no time for a little thing like self-control."

Kowalski pouted as he slowly trudged towards the pile. He lifted up a fish and sighed.

"It's just not the same without the full effect of the turn."

"You know what they say, Kowalski." said Private. "One good turn deserves another. We can all do it together next time."

"Who's this 'they'?" asked Skipper suspiciously.

"I don't know, Skipper. But who ever it is, they said it."

"Not good enough. I don't like the idea of this 'they' knowing enough about our operations to make up catching sayings. I want a full report on them on my desk first thing tomorrow morning," he held up another fish. "But for now, let the gorging continue!"

"Yeah!"

* * *

_Two hours later_

"Nooooo..."

Four stuffed penguins lay on the frozen floor, engorged bellies up, all groaning from the painful stretching of their stomachs.

"No...more..." moaned Private.

"Curse you fish." groaned Skipper. "Curse your...sweet, scaly deliciousness."

"Stomach capacity...at critical levels." Kowalski burped loudly. "Oh, sweet mamma that was good."

"Right. We've had our fill."

"And then some." added Private.

"Now, let's report back to base." Skipper grunted as he tried to get up. He rolled back onto his back and tried it again, though fell back once more. "Kowalski?"

"It appears that our enlarged stomachs have rendered us incapable of regular movement." He tried getting up, but just like Skipper before him he just fell back down.

"Options?"

"In light of our current inability to get to our feet, I suggest utilizing our rounded physics to return home via multiple rotations on a horizontal axis."

"Right. On my mark. Aaaaaand, roll!"

Kowalski, Skipper, and Private began rolling like black and white beach balls across the icy floor towards a ventilation shaft on the floor, where they all settled.

"Okay, aaaand bounce!" Like feathery bowling balls they all bounced hard on top of the grate of the ventilation shaft, putting all their weight into it until finally the grate collapsed beneath them sending them plummeting down the shaft and well into the first leg of their journey home, completely unaware that they were minus one team member.

"Eh...Erg...Arg! Aaaaaaaaaaah!" Rico grunted and groaned on the floor, attempting to roll, but for some reason was unable to move. He jiggled and wiggled and squirmed, trying to get moving, but nothing seemed to work. He dropped his head against the ground, breathing heavily from the effort. Slowly, he looked down to see why he wasn't going anywhere, and was more than a touch surprised to see that ice had formed around his body, sealing him to the floor! A snarl of exasperation issued from his beak, until an idea seemed to pop into his head. With a couple of coughs, a small flamethrower flew out of mouth, flying up into the air, and landing on top of his stomach.

"Hahaha!" Rico laughed in satisfaction. Victory was within his grasp. He reached his flippers up to get the flamethrower...and found it completely out of reach. Frowning, he stretched his flippers as far as they'd go, trying to reach the pyrotechnic device on top of his massively bloated belly, but he juuuust couldn't get it. His flippers dropped as he fell back once more, though soon another idea came to mind. The trapped penguins wiggled around, heaving his stomach in and out. Slowly the flamethrower started to move across his stomach as it convulsed, heading towards his outstretched flipped. Rico started to smile as it began to slip down his side, towards the awaiting wing, but just when it looked like it would be his, it slipped just a little too far to the right, hitting off his flipper and slipping across the icy floor, completely out of reach.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaah!" Rico lay sobbing on the ice in frustration. And the night had started out so well.

* * *

_Zoo: Penguin Habitat 0300 Hours_

"Push, Phil! Push!"

Back at the zoo Phil and Mason, the zoo's resident chimpanzees, were in the middle of desperately trying to squeeze Skipper through the bars surrounding the penguin habitat.

"Come on, primate!" yelled Skipper. "It can't be that hard!"

"Are you mad, man? It's like trying to fit a hippo into a corset!"

"Hippo?!"

With a final grunt, the two chimps collapsed, wiping their brows from exertion. "It's no use."

"Perhaps we could try going over the fence instead of through it." suggested Kowalski.

Phil began signing to Mason.

"Good idea, Phil!" said Mason.

"What'd he say?"

"Phil suggests we enlist the help of Burt the elephant. He should be more than strong enough to do the job."

"We don't need him!" said Skipper. "I'm almost through!"

"And I suppose you'd enjoy spending the night there, hm?"

Skipper looked back at his swollen body, half in the habitat and half out. He tried wiggling around, pushing futilely against the rails in hopes of getting the rest of the way through. He sighed in defeat.

"Get the elephant."

"Yes, I thought so. Come Phil." As the two chimps walked away, Skipper crossed his flippers in aggravation.

"_Yes, I thought so._" he said in a mocking voice. "Rico, get a crowbar...Rico?"

"He's not here, Skipper." said Private.

"Well then where is he?"

"Didn't he come home with us?"

"I...don't actually remember." said Kowalski. "It's possible he could have stayed behind."

"Yep. That sounds like him." said Skipper. "That man's hunger for fish is unsurpassed. I once saw him eat a fifteen pound cat fish whole and still have room for a piece of cherry pie. And I'm talking about a Texas sized piece. Not those frufru pieces you get a fancy restaurants that you need a toothpick and a microscope to eat."

"Uuugh. Please don't mention more food."groaned Private holding his stomach. "I don't think I could eat for a week."

"Anyway, knowing Rico he'll probably roll in tomorrow morning so full of fish they're coming out his nose holes."

_Uuuuuuugh_!" Private clasped his flippers over his beak, running quickly to a nearby trash can where he started retching profusely.

"Was it something I said?"

Thundering footsteps and a loud yawn alerted the penguins to company.

"We're back!" said Mason, Phil and a very tired looking Burt standing behind him.

"Do you guys have any idea what time it is?" yawned Burt, trying to rub the sleep from his eyes with his trunk.

"No need to worry, chap." said Mason. "Just get them inside and you can go straight back to bed."

"Yeah, okay." Sluggishly, Burt's trunk coiled around Skipper's backside.

"Hey! Hey! Watch the tail feathers!"

With a quick jerk, the team leader was set free from his place between the bars, and dropped unceremoniously onto the concrete island in the middle of the habitat. Skipper rubbed his rump, sore from the small drop.

"Does the word 'gently' mean anything to you? _Oof!_" Skipper cried out as Kowalski was dropped on top of him.

"Sorry." said Burt groggily as he gently put Private down in the pen.

"Thanks, Burt." said Private.

"No problem."

"Um, actually..." Kowalski stared down at the small, round entrance to their secret base underneath the food bowl. One meant for normal sized penguins. "There may still be a slight problem."

Skipper turned to Burt. "Think you could, _woah!_ What the..." Skipper flailed as Burt, half conscious, lifted him up and set him down over the hole. The massive elephant raised his trunk, curling the end into a fist. "Wait! No! No! That's not what I-"

With just a little too much force, the trunk slammed down on top of Skipper's head, popping his enlarged body through the small entrance and down the five foot drop to the floor where Skipper landed with a painful thud.

"Who's next?"

Private and Kowalski looked at each other nervously, before raising a flipper to point to the other.

* * *

_Docks_:_ Building 5_ _0800 Hours_

Dim morning light filtered in through the small glass window set into the frozen metallic walls of the cold storage building, shining down onto the frosted floor below. The single rectangle of illumination traveled lazily across the ice covered surface, until it's watery light fell onto a frozen lump on the floor. Slowly the lump started to move.

"Ah...Ah...Ah..._Choo!_"

Bits of frost flew everywhere as the ice surrounding the lump broke apart. Beneath the remaining bits and pieces laid a very miserable, very cold looking Rico. Slowly his crusted eyes opened, taking in his surroundings. As he started to recall the previous night, the memory of being frozen to the floor quickly came back to him. He looked down at himself, noticing that the swelling of his stomach had gone down, leaving him at his original, much more manageable size. Giving a great big heave against the ice loosened by both his change in size and his tremendous sneeze, he broke free of the frosty bonds.

"Wooohoooo!" Standing up, Rico immediately went into a boastful victory dance. "Uh-huh! Uh-huh! Arrigh! Uh-huh! Uh...uh...ah..._Choo!"_ With a great sneeze, a small bomb flew out of Rico's mouth, rolling across the slippery floor and into the building's wall.

"Uh-oh."

_BOOM!_

Rico shielded his eyes as the bomb exploded. Slowly he peeked over his flipper, taking in the large, burnt hole that now existed where the bomb had been. Looking around quickly, he decided to do what any upstanding penguin would do in such a situation. He dove out the hole, and hightailed it for home before the cops showed up.

* * *

_Penguin Base: 0900 Hours_

Skipper yawned, stretching his flippers as he walked across the concrete floor, his morning cup of fish coffee in hand.

"Well, I don't know about you boys, but I slept like a baby sheep wrapped in his momma's wool."

"And it appears that our stomachs have returned to normal size after last night's gorging." said Kowalski, with a strip of measuring tape around his stomach. He took it off and checked the measurements. "Well, almost normal..."

"Ugh, I'm still feeling a bit bloated." said Private woozily, flippers holding his stomach.

"Right." said Skipper. "I'm assigning an extra tough training regime today to work off all that fish. But first, breakfast!"

"Uuuuuuugh." Private groaned, clutching his stomach and running for the restroom, the door slamming shut behind him.

"Man, that never gets old!" said Skipper.

_Bang...bang...bang..._

"Did you hear that?"

"It appears to be coming from the hatch." said Kowalski. They both looked up as the hatch slowly moved away.

"It's an enemy agent!" shouted Skipper. "Come to take us out while we're one man short. Erg! Where's Rico when you need him?"

With a loud plop, Rico hit the concrete floor of the base face first.

"Apparently, right there." said Kowalski.

"Rico! What took you so long? Did you eat the entire warehouse or what?"

"Uuuuuuuuuuuugh."

"You know I tend to be hearing that response a lot lately."

Rico groaned as he slowly forced himself into a sitting position. The other penguins gasped as he looked at them.

"Rico! What happened to you?"

Rico sniffed, staying in his slouching position. His eyes were puffy and red, and his beak was wet with dripping mucus. His beak was open wide as he panted, unable to breath through his clogged nostrils, and an overall air of misery seemed to radiate from his solitary form.

"Kowalski, analysis."

Kowalski nodded, rushing over to Rico's side. He opened Rico's eyes wide, stuck a cotton swab into his nose, pulling it out quickly, and popped a thermometer into his mouth."Let's see here. Swollen eyes." He checked the swab. "Green mucus, and a temperature of..." He plucked the thermometer from the psycho birds mouth. "A hundred and three degrees. Fascinating!"

"Okaaay. So what's it all mean?"

The scientific bird stood up proudly. "After careful scientific examination I have deduced that Rico...is sick!" He stood there smiling for a moment before his eyes shot wide open. "He's sick?! _Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!_ And I touched him! I'm _contaminated_! Disinfectant! I need disinfectant!"

Screaming like a little girl, Kowalski rushed across the base, jumping across a table to grab an aerosol can, frantically spraying himself with the can's misty white contents while Skipper looked on with one eyebrow raised, or at least it would have been raised if he actually had eyebrows. As it stood it just looked like the forehead over his eye was raised without the actual brow part.

"O-kay. Bit dramatic, but message received. Options."

Kowalski stopped spraying himself. "Right. Right. Options...Yeeees. I suggest we quarantine him inside a sterile plastic bubble, and then, once he's inside we _irradiate_ the bubble until every last germ is completely destroyed!" Kowalski reached under the table, drawing out a menacing looking device sparking with crimson hued electricity. "Show no mercy!"

Skipper and Rico both stared, their eyes wide open."...That's one option. Now, how about something a little less...deranged. Though I do like this new side of you."

The somewhat off kilter penguin panted for a moment, slowly realizing how he was acting. He rubbed the back of his head self-consciously as the device powered down. "Um, bed rest and relaxation?"

"Bingo!" He turned to his sick teammate. "Rico, you're confined to quarters until further notice."

Rico slowly nodded, accepting these new orders which were much more preferable to Kowalski's plan. He suddenly stiffened. "Ah-ah-_chooo!_"

"_Ow!"_ Skipper reeled back as something metal smacked him in the face. He rubbed his eye, bending down to pick up the pain inducing object. "A quarter? You know very well that's not what I meant!"

"Sorry" grunted Rico, sniffling. "Ah-_choo_!"

Skipper cried out as two dimes and a nickle smacked him in the face, courtesy of Rico's sneeze. "Oh, come on! Does it look like I'm trying to ride the city bus here?"

"Ah-ah..."

Skipper's eyes widened. "Hit the deck!"

"_Ah-Choo!"_

Skipper and Kowalski dove under the table as a rain of hard, metal pennies peppered the base like machine gun fire.

"Ah-choo! Ah-choo! Ah-choo!"

Skipper and Kowalski turned the table over, trying to use it as a shield from the various objects currently being shot out of Rico's mouth. A bowling ball. A plush bunny toy. A harpoon. Each sneeze brought with it some new danger, flying at a metaphorical mach four through the air.

There was a flush from the bathroom. Private opened the door, walking out with a smile on his face.

"Much better." he said cheerfully.

"Ah-choo!"

Private looked down as half a herring plopped down on the floor in front of him. Immediately he slammed the bathroom door shut, retching sounds once more issuing from inside.

"Kowalski!" shouted Skipper over the noise of rapid fire sneezes. "What in the name of Washington's wooden teeth is going on!?"

"It appears that every time Rico sneezes something from his gut is propelled outwards at dangerously high speeds!"

"I can see that!"

"Then why did you ask me?!"

"I don't know! I was hoping you'd have insight that wasn't already _painfully obvious_!"

"Well, I _Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!_" Kowalski screamed as a hatchet pierced the table.

"We need detain that beak A.S.A.P!"

"But how?"

"Ah-choo!"

Both penguins turned as a coil of rope dropped down beside them. Skipper pointed both flippers at it with a 'Do-I-_seriously_-have-to-spell-it-out-for-you?' expression. Each penguin grabbed an end and dove over the table, belly sliding across the concrete floor, swerving to avoid the onslaught of random and often dangerous objects. With a mighty leap they dove at the diseased penguin, tackling him to the ground.

"Loop that over here!"

"Twist through there!"

"Now down the bunny trail!"

"No, it's around the mulberry tree! Keep up man!"

"I'm trying!"

"There."

Skipper and Kowalski stepped back cautiously. Slowly Rico rose to a sitting position, feeling his beak which was now bound from top to bottom in rope.

"There." said Skipper proudly. "Problem solved. We keep that on him until he's better. Beak doesn't open, nothing shoots out. No drawbacks."

"Um, Skipper?"

"I said no drawbacks!"

"I know, but-"

"What?!"

Kowalski pointed to Rico, who was currently clutching his throat, his eye bulging while he took on a slightly blue tinge.

"With his clogged sinuses, it's not actually possible for him to breath out his nose, sooo..."

"Yeah, yeah. I get it. Mouth can't open, Rico can't breath." he turned to Rico. "Think you can hold your breath until you get better?"

Rico responded by turning purple, his eyes slowly rolling back into his head.

"I'll take that as a no." The two penguins got behind Rico, working as fast as possible to get the ropes off his beak. Within seconds Rico's mouth was once again open as he gasped for breath. He smiled as the air finally started to return to his lungs, followed by a great sneeze that sent a screwdriver flying across the room, where it impaled itself into the wall.

"So that's where that went." said Kowalski.

"Now what are we supposed to do?" asked Skipper. "Just stay behind him until this sickness wears off?"

"Ah-choo!"

Both penguins looked down between Rico's legs where an unpinned grenade now sat.

"I don't think that will solve our problem."

"Hit the deck!"

All three penguins dove across the room and behind their highly damaged table shield. With seconds to spare they braced impacts.

_BOOM!_

The grenade went off, scattering shrapnel across the room, much of which imbedded itself into the table.

"Rico's gut contains a veritable cornucopia of destructive devices." said Kowalski somberly. "If this constant sneezing keeps up, it's only a matter of time until he shoots out something capable of destroying us all."

"Oh, come on." said Skipper, practically laughing. "I know he's got his fair share of explosives in there, but there's no way he'd keep something that powerful in there. Right Rico?"

Rico, looked up at him, smiling and laughing nervously.

"Ricooo?"

"Uuuuuuuuuuh..." Rico laughed nervously again before shrugging.

"We need to find a cure and fast!" shouted Skipper, catching on to the danger they were all in.

"Don't worry!" said Kowalski. "I know exactly what to do. This is a problem...for science!"

There was a flush from the bathroom. Private opened the door, still looking a little queasy. He stopped and looked around the half-destroyed base riddled with sharp objects and smoking craters.

"Did I miss something?"

* * *

"There, there Rico. You just sit back and relax."

Private sat beside Rico, a gentle smile on his face as he tucked the psycho penguins into Skipper's bed, which he was in mostly because it was closest to the floor. A humidifier was running full blast near his feet while a dehumidifier was going full blast up next to Rico's head.

"A little bed rest will have you good as new in no time." said Skipper, standing at a distance. "Provided you don't sneeze up any more explosive surprises."

"Comfy?" asked Private placing fresh, cold washcloth on Rico's forehead. Rico nodded. "Splendid! Now hows about a story to lull you off to dreamland? This one's called 'Prince Sharesalot and the Mean Tree Who Just Wanted a Friend.'"

"Don't tell me you're reading him one of those hippie Lunacorn books, Private."

"Why not?"

"The man's already sick. What more do you want to do to him?"

"It's a good story!" defended Private. "It's about this tree who's mean to everyone who passes by, so they all avoid him, but then Prince Sharesalot comes along and-"

"Private, _I'm_ feeling sick and that's only from half a synopsis. Imagine what poor Rico's going through."

"I bet Rico would love to hear the story, right Rico?"

Private turned to Rico, who just smiled up at him nervously.

"Ah-choo!"

Private ducked as something shot out of Rico's mouth, rebounding off the roof of the bed and down onto the blankets. Private looked at the object.

"My Prince Sharesalot plushy with Hugs and Love quotes of the day!" shouted Private, grabbing hold of the small, plush, purple Lunacorn toy. He gave it a squeeze.

"_Prince Sharesalot says: Plant a seed of honesty, and soon you'll have an Honest-Tree."_

Private looked up at Skipper, his lower beak quivering. "You said he went to Sunshine Meadows to feed the little bunny children."

Skipper looked down at the sad looking Private nervously. "Well I...That is to say I...What I mean is...Rico! Did you swallow all of Sunshine Meadows?!"

"What?!" Private looked down at Rico in horror. "You couldn't have! That's impossible!"

"Buh-" Rico was cut off as Skipper slapped a flipper over his mouth.

"Clearly, he's too delusional from the illness to remember his horrible crime! We'll have to get him better even sooner so he can put Sunshine Meadows right back where he found it."

"But what if he sneezes it out? The bunny children could be hurt!" Private gasped. "What if it's dark in there?! They could be scared!"

"Nonsense! I'm sure Rico's swallowed a flashlight at some point or another. I bet they're enjoying themselves just like they always do. With friendly hugs and...lots of...love...stuff...But just to be safe why don't we send Prince Sharesalot back in to keep them company?" Skipper reached for the plush, but Private drew away.

"That's alright." said Private. "They'll be fine. Besides, I've so missed Prince Sharesalot's encouraging and uplifting advise."

"Oh, yeah. Me too. Me...too...Good to have him back!"

Private smiled, giving the toy another squeeze.

"_You know what they say: Whatever you do comes back around to you."_

Skipper leaned in close to the toy. "What do you know of this 'they'? Are you in league with them? Answer me!"

"I've done it!"

All three penguins looked up as Kowalski excitedly waddled across the room. Skipper glared at the toy.

"We'll finish this later."

"What have you done?" asked Private.

"Using the most advanced medical science known to man or bird, I have developed medicine that is sure to cure Rico of his illness and all relating symptoms!"

"Arrigh!" Rico sat up, eagerly await the cure while Kowalski popped open a bottle filled with pills.

"Now." said Kowalski. "This blue pill will cool that fever like a fresh snow cone in Alaska."

"Yeah!"

"Side effects include soar throat, itchy eyes, nausea, and sweaty feet."

"Huh?"

"Not to worry, because this orange pill will take care of all those other negligible ailments."

"Yeah!"

"Side effects include rapid molting, infection of the beak, and possible liver damage."

"Say wha?"

"However, if you take this red pill combined with this purple pill you won't have to worry about any of that."

Rico just stared.

"Side effects include dry skin, redness around the eyes, bloating, corrosion of the stomach, uncontrollable eye movements, rapid limb spasms, loss of ability to the the hokey-pokey, nightmares, night sweats, night terrors, wetting your bed, wetting other peoples beds, overall lose of bladder control, deterioration of the frontal cortex, kidney failure, leprosy, and a surprisingly lemony aftertaste after eating. But if you take this pink pill-"

"Oh for crying out loud!" shouted Skipper. "He was better off with the fever!"

"Medicine is a risky science." explained Kowalski. "In order to fix one thing you have to risk certain...drawbacks."

"And I suppose you have _another_ pill to fix that pink pill's 'drawbacks'?"

"Um, actually..." Kowalski pointed to the other side of the room where sat a massive construction that looked very similar to an old fashioned iron lung, complete with I.V.s, heart rate monitors, and automatic defibrillators, which sparked menacingly about every five seconds. As everyone stared Rico slowly dropped the pills to the floor.

Skipper's expression flattened. "That's it. No more of this medical science junk."

"But-"

"Ah-choo!"

Rico sneezed, sending a firebomb sailing through the air straight into the heart of the mechanical, medical monstrosity.

"No!"

_BOOM!_

Kowalski shielded his eyes from the glare of the blast. When he looked up all that was left was a flaming pile of molten slag slowly burning on the concrete floor.

"Well, that was unfortunate." said Skipper.

"Sorry." grunted Rico.

"All that work." said Kowalski sadly. "I-"

"Moving right along." cut in Skipper. "We need to find another way to cure Rico that _doesn't_ get him killed in the process."

"Knock knock!"

The Penguins looked up to the hatch, where Maurice stood waving down at them.

"Maurice! Come right in!" said Private cheerfully.

"Thanks." said the hefty lemur as he descended the metal rungs to the floor.

"Actually." said Skipper. "Now might not be the best time."

"That's okay. I'll make this real fast. Mind if I borrow some mint?"

"Second cupboard to the left." said Kowalski.

"Thanks." Maurice rushed across the floor to the aforementioned cabinet, taking out the jar. "Oh, mind if I borrow these cloves?"

"Knock yourself out." said Skipper, looking a bit curious.

"Thanks again. Don't suppose you have any Wikiwiki flowers, do you?"

Skipper narrowed his eyes in suspicion. "Fresh out."

"Oh, well. No big deal. Thanks!" Maurice started to leave.

"Hold up." shouted Skipper. "That's a lot of herbs for just three lemurs. Just what kind of dinner party are you throwing?"

"Oh, these aren't for eating. Mort's sick and we need to them to-"

"_Maurice!"_

"Gotta go!" At the sound of King Julien's cry, the big boned lemur rushed up the ladder, closing the hatch behind him.

"Mort's sick?" asked Private, concerned.

"Then let's go pay him a little get well visit, shall we?"

* * *

"Maurice!"

Tribal music mixed with a techno base blared from the boom box at the lemur habitat, the notes filling the air as colored smoke rose from the surrounding tiki torches. King Julien sat on the ground, a crown made from a large, blue flower with a cross of red flower petals on the front resting on his head and a grass skirt around his waist. Small markings of red berry juice painted his face, and grass cuffs adorned his wrists, which were currently busy using a pestle to grind various plants together into a large clay bowl that sat between his legs.

"Maurice, where are you?!"

"Right here your majesty." said Maurice as he jumped up onto the central platform, the jars of herbs in hand.

"Finally! Did you get the mint?"

"That's not all I found." Maurice held out the other jar.

"Oooooh, cloves. Perfect. Now, how about the Wikiwiki?"

"Sorry your majesty, but the Wikiwiki was a washout."

"Eh, no matter. Now, how is Mort doing?"

Maurice ran over to the little lemur who sat shivering in the corner, wrapped in a small blanket. He let out a tiny sneeze.

"How ya holding up Mort?"

"M-m-my insides feel icky."

"I know. I know." he felt Mort's forehead. "He's still warm."

"Give him some ginger." said Julien absently, focusing on the grinding.

"We don't have any."

"What?! How am I to be working under these conditions?!"

"Sorry."

"Ugh. Fine. Whatever. Just prepare the hut. I cannot keep having my concentration all brokeny."

"Excuse us?"

Maurice and Mort turned as the penguins made their way up onto the platform, curious expressions on everyone's face.

"Good timing!" said Maurice, relieved. "Got any ginger?"

"Not on me..." answered Skipper hesitantly. "Mind telling us what's going on here?"

"Maurice, get them out of my space! They are messing with my mojo!"

"Yes, your highness." Maurice slowly ushered the penguins farther away from the king, who appeared to be giving full concentration to the bowl, occasionally adding more plants from the piles and jars around him.

"Is Julien actually...working?" asked Private in shock and awe.

"What kind of messed up alternate reality have we entered into?!" shouted Skipper. "Kowalski, run some tests. I want to know what universe we're in and how to get back ASAP."

"Guys, guys, it's cool. King Julien is just preparing Mort's medicine."

There was a group pause.

"Let me get this straight." said Skipper. "Julien...is putting forth effort, actual effort...to help Mort."

"Well, yeah. You see-"

"Kowalski!"

"I'd estimate we're in the eighth dimension, Skipper." said Kowalski, taking notes on a clipboard. "The one where everything we know is turned on its head and the world is ruled by giant mutant squirrels." To emphasize his point he turned the clipboard around to show a poorly illustrated example of one of the mutants, eating a plane and foaming at the mouth.

"Listen, you're not in an alternate dimension, or whatever it is you think is going on."

"Well, then spell it out for us Maurice, if that's still your name in this freaky reality." said Skipper. "Cause right now this is making about as much sense as Rico reading poetry."

"Or a coleslaw and barbeque sauce sandwich." added Private.

"Or Belgeruis's forty second theorem." Kowalski snorted. "Eight point seven six nine four over x cubed." Everyone stared. "What? Oh come on! It's so obviously ridiculous!"

"Riiiight. Anyways, yeah, it may seems strange, but hear me out. You see back in Madagascar the position of healer is considered to be almost as important as the king."

"No one should be being considered anyways near as important as I am being!" shouted Julien over his shoulder, raising one hand in the air for emphasis while his eyes were still glued on the bowl.

"Exactly." said Maurice. "Julien didn't want anyone competing with his royal authority, so he made a proclamation that he would be the next healer."

"And he could just...do that?" asked Private.

"Whose gonna stop him? You're looking at the first king-healer combo in Madagascar _history. _Earned him a lot of street cred back home, know what I'm sayin'? Lots of respect when the dude who rules you and throws all the wild parties is the same dude who gets rid of your cold."

"So, he's like a...witch doctor?" asked Skipper.

"Healer." corrected Maurice. "Or medicine man or 'His Royal Healingness'. Any of those will work."

"Well, not to rain on your jungle parade, but are you sure you want to leave your health in Ring Tail's hands? I mean, come on! The man can barely make his own smoothies!"

"Heard that!"

"Hey," Maurice looked around, leaning in to whisper. "The king may be flaky in a lot of things, and I mean _a lot_ of things, be the dude knows his herbs."

"There _is_ a lot of evidence supporting the effectiveness of herbal remedies." said Kowalski.

"Well, okay then." said Skipper, perking up. "Let's go talk to the medicine man."

The penguins waddled over to the king, who had just dropped in some of the cloves and was busy grinding it into the rest of the mixture.

"Yo, Ring Tail."

"What is it, flightless birds?" asked Julien, not looking up. "You are stepping all over my healing mojo."

"Uh, right, sorry. Men, take two steps to the left." They did so. "Better?"

"A little."

"Anyway, let's cut to the chase. What exactly are you planning to do with that...concoction."

"If you must know, I am preparing the herbs for the purification."

"The what?"

Julien pointed up without looking at a small, bamboo hut sitting just a couple feet away, a covering of leaves and flowers forming the roof.

"I never noticed that before." said Private. "Is it new?"

"Yes. I had Maurice build it this morning."

"So, what is this 'purification.'" asked Skipper.

"It is part of the healing ritual." explained Julien. "First, I, the king prepare the herbs while Maurice makes the fire inside the Healy Hut."

"Healy...Hut?"

"You like that? That was me. I came up with that." he said proudly. "Anywho, once everything is ready, I, the king, beseech the Sky Spirits to heal Mort of his sickness. Then, I pour water into the mixture. The watery mixture sets over the fire, and from it comes steam, infused with the powerful power of my remedy. Mort sits inside Healy Hut, breathing in the steam, and then, Sky Spirits willing, BOOM! He is cured."

"Does it really work?"

"Hey! Don't question my royal healing powers. I did not get to be healer by things not working."

"Didn't you get to be healer because you decreed it?" asked Private.

"Yes, but that is beside the point. Now, Maurice, is the fire ready?!"

"All set, your majesty!" yelled Maurice from inside the hut, a stream of smoke curling out of a hole in the center of the roof.

"Perfect! Let the healing ritual begin!" Julien lept to his feet, grabbing a decorative staff with a hollowed out mango on top which rattled every time he shook it.

"Before you begin," began Skipper. "I don't suppose you have room for one more."

"One more what?"

"Person...in the Healy Hut."

"You see," explained Private. "Rico is sick, and we need him to get better so he can restore all of Sunshine Meadows to it's former glory and allow the little bunny children to frolic under the sun once more."

King Julien and Skipper stared at the young cadet. Julien looked to Skipper for an explanation.

"Never mind. Now, can Rico sit in or what?"

"No way." said Julien. "This ritual is for members of the kingdom only."

"Technically." said Maurice. "They do live in your kingdom." To emphasize his point he gestured to all of the zoo.

"True. I do rule the entire zoo and surrounding midtown area...but the answer is still no."

"Fine." said Skipper. "Then we'll just take our mint and cloves and go elsewhere." He reached down and grabbed the entire bowl of ground herbs.

"Wait! What are you doing?! That is mine!"

"Well, since our herbs are mixed in with yours we'll just have to take the entire thing back to base to separate them. Shouldn't take more than couple days. Let's go boys."

Julien jumped around in front of them blocking their exit, a smile across his face.

"There's no need for that!" he said, grabbing the bowl. "We can share the herbs. I would be being more than happy to heal Freako."

"Rico."

"Whatever. Maurice, prepare him for the ceremony!"

"Yes, your majesty." Maurice smiled as he grabbed Rico's flipper, leading him away. Julien turned to the rest of the penguins. "Now, who is wanting the honor of helping in the ceremony?"

"Depends." said Skipper, one eyebrow ridge raised. "What do we have to do?"

* * *

"Just had to ask."

Skipper frowned as he and the other penguins beat rhythmically on tribal drums, sitting on the ground with red berry juice painting their feathered faces and matching grass skirts around their waists.

"Look on the bright side." said Private. "I've always wanted to learn how to play the drums."

"Silence!" shouted King Julien. "I need to concentrate. Less yapping and more drumming."

Skipper glared but none the less the penguins continued to play. Julien turned towards Mort and Rico, who stood before him, awaiting the beginning of the ceremony. The king snapped his fingers. Immediately Maurice rushed to his side, a pitcher of water in hand. He poured the water into the bowl, and Julien proceeded to mix the ground herbs with the liquid using his bare hand.

"Oh, great Sky Spirits. Bless this mixture to the healing of their bodies!"

To the sound of the drums, Julien smeared some of the mixture on Mort and Rico's chests, applying two small marks of it on their cheeks as well. Maurice came to his side, taking the bowl and handing Julien the mango topped staff. In time to the music, he shook the staff over the two patient's heads creating a sound like a rattle snake's tail. Both ducked as the staff went over their head, a bit nervous of being hit.

"Does the staff really do anything?" asked Private to Maurice, who stood beside them watching the ceremony.

"No," he said smiling. "But it sure is cool."

"A high cool factor is scientifically proven to make something up to thirty six percent more effective." added Kowalski.

"I conquer." agreed Skipper, who actually seemed to be enjoying himself now.

As soon as Julien was done with the staff, Maurice returned, exchanging staff for bowl once more.

"Enter the Healy Hut!" shouted Julien. Mort and Rico nodded, slowly making their ways into the hut. Inside light filtered down from the hole in the roof, ever shifting and dancing across the walls as the smoke slowly wafted out. A wooden bench wrapped around the walls, and in the middle of the room was a small fire with tall stones set all around the edges.

"Sit."

Obediently, the two sat down on the benches. Making sure everything was in order, Julien held the bowl high over his head before setting it on top of the tall stones where the fire could easily heat the bottom of the bowl without the bowl falling completely into the fire. Slowly the contents of the bowl began to bubble, large clouds of steam rolling off the top and starting to fill the hut. Mort and Rico both breathed deeply, smiling in contentment as they breathed out.

"You are to be staying here for one full cycle of sun and moon!" he proclaimed loudly, stepping outside the door. "Okay. That's all. Enjoy your stay!"

Julien slammed the door, leaving the two alone inside. With a smile of satisfaction on his face, he turned to the penguins, making a hand sign to signal them to stop the drumming.

"Okay! Who's thirsty? Maurice! Prepare the fruity drinks."

"Yes, your majesty." Maurice ran off to the tiki bar to prepare the beverages while the penguins stood up, approaching Julien.

"So, that was it?" asked Skipper. "That's how the ceremony ends? You stick them in there, and close the door?"

"Don't forget the fruity drinks." said Julien as Maurice handed him a glass. He sipped it. "Mmmmm, orange-pineapple."

"How do you know it's really working?" asked Private.

"Listen for yourselves."

Curious, the penguins closed their eyes.

"All I hear is that steam." said Skipper.

"Listen closer."

Concentrating, they tried once more.

"I think I hear it." said Private.

"Well I don't." said Skipper. "What is it?"

"Breathing."

"Huh?"

"I hear breathing."

"Exactly!" said Julien, sipping his drink. "The mixture is already working to make their noses less...clogy."

"I can see why." said Private. "It smells heavenly. With just a hint of spiciness."

"Those are the cloves. They give it that extra kick to kick the sick right out of them."

Skipper smiled as everyone continued to stare at the steam clouds.

"So, Ring Tail." he said turning to the king. "Any other hidden talents you want to share with us?"

"Yes. I also do perfumes. Free sample?" Julien pulled out a small perfume bottle and spritzed Skipper in the face, causing him to cough. Kowalski leaned over and sniffed.

"Mmmmm, lavender."

"Keep your nose to yourself, soldier." said Skipper, glaring.

"Sorry."

"Ah-choo!"

Both penguins turned to Private, who was sniffling a bit after a small sneeze.

"Bless me." he said politely.

"No problem." said Maurice, handing the penguins their drinks. "Probably just the mint."

"Huh?"

"The mint." explained Julien. "It makes the nose feel all tickley when it starts to clear out the head."

"What?!"

Every bird's eyes widened in horror as they stared from Julien to the shed.

"What's the big deal?" asked Maurice suspiciously.

"N-no big deal." said Private hesitantly.

"Uh, yeah!" said Skipper. "Everything's completely-"

"_Ah-Chooo!"_

Everyone turned towards the hut, their eyes wide in surprise as they saw the business end of a buzzing chainsaw sticking out the side of it! Still running, the chainsaw traveled up the wall of its own accord, going haywire as it slashed and sliced every part of the shed as if it were being wielded by a crazed psycho. The shed stood still for just a moment before completely collapsing to the ground, exposing a very stunned looking Mort and Rico.

"My Healy Hut!" shouted Julien.

"Rico!"

Rico shrugged nervously.

"What happened?!" asked Maurice, staring at the shambles of the hut in disbelief.

"Well, you see," explained Private, nervously. "When Rico sneezes things tend to get a little...out of hand."

"No one was telling me he was sneezing up chainsaws!" shouted Julien angrily.

"And reactions like this are why we elected not to inform you." explained Kowalski.

"Why you-"

"Now calm down, your majesty." said Maurice, trying to hold his king back. "You know what they say..." Maurice drifted off as Skipper got uncomfortably close to him, glaring. "Uh, can I help you?"

"'They've' gotten to him men." said Skipper. "There's no one we can trust anymore! Back to base!"

Eager at the chance to get away from the mess and one very angry king Julien, the penguin squadron dove across the platform, fleeing the scene back towards their own habitat.

"You are still owing me a new Healy Hut!" shouted Julien.

Maurice stared after them in confusion.

"Who's 'they'?"

* * *

_Penguin Base: 1800 Hours_

Back at base Skipper stood staring seriously at a large white board, with a single word written upon it in red marker: THEY.

"This 'they' have been ahead of us at ever turn." said Skipper, his paranoia running full blast. "Every step we take, 'they' are there with some sort of witty phrase or little tidbit of cutesy advice. It's like 'they' know our every move!"

"Ah-choo!"

Skipper paid no heed to the sneeze as a kayak flew over his head, smashing to pieces against the wall behind the white board.

"But who are 'they'?" He stared intently at the word as if it would suddenly scream the answers to all his questions. "Kowalski, options."

"It's possible that 'they' is actually an acronym for an enemy organization." Suggested the scientist, who stood at the board beside him, clipboard in hand.

"Of course!" shouted Skipper, using a red marker to put a dot in between each letter of 'they'. "T.H.E.Y. Clever. Hiding their secret identity in one of the most commonly used words in the language! Well played, T.H.E.Y. Well played."

"Ah-choo!"

A flaming arrow lodged itself in the white board between the two penguins. Skipper simply plucked it from the board, licked his flipper, and pinched out the fire on top. He pointed the arrow at Kowalski.

"Give me acronym options."

Kowalski nodded, quickly jotting down some notes on his clipboard.

"Thrifty Hippies Embrace Yodeling?"

Skipper scoffed. "Please. All those tai-dye wearing hobos sing about is 'peace' and 'love'. As if they could appreciate yodeling."

"Three Hippos Eating Yams?"

"Possible. Let's put that down as a maybe."

"The Horribly Evil Yaks?"

"Bingo!"

"Ah-choo!"

A bomb flew across the room landing a distance behind Skipper, though he was too excited to notice.

"Yaks!" said Skipper. "I should have known that those soft, hairy coats hid nothing but evil and espionage. How soon can we be ready for assault by evil yaks?"

Kowalski dashed away, running around the base and checking the various systems and defense mechanisms. After finishing he ran back and saluted.

"Forty-five minutes, Skipper."

"Blast!" The bomb exploded behind him, sending rubble flying everywhere. "We could all be skewered on their massive horns by then. I want this base prepped for full scale yak attack in fifteen minutes. I-"

"Skipper!" shouted Private, currently on the other side of the room, hiding behind a table with a pot placed on his head for protection. "Shouldn't we deal with our current problem first?" To emphasize his point he gestured to Rico, who sat miserably under a large blanket on the floor.

"Your right." said Skipper. "Those yaks are sure to go for the weak link first."

"We could always try the bubble." said Kowalski, holding up the irradiation device, which Skipper was quick to smack out of his hands. The device hit the floor, sending a red beam of energy shooting across the room, burning a large hole through the steel door. The two penguins looked at the hole, and then Skipper made sure to give an apologetic looking Kowalski a nice long glare.

"Uh, hey guys."

The two penguins turned back around to see Marlene looking in through the hole in the door, a perplexed expression on her face. She slowly pushed open the door.

"Is this a bad..."

Marlene drifted off as she started at the penguin base. Marks of destruction were everywhere, from charred craters in the walls to the destroyed furniture that littered the floor. Random objects were everywhere: Toys, weapons, fish, tools, more fish, cleaning utensils, half eaten fish, which was more than a little gross, you name it and it was probably lying somewhere imbedded into the floor, walls, or ceiling.

"Woah. Did a bomb go off in here or what?"

"Actually, seventeen bombs have gone off in here." corrected Kowalski.

"Yeah. Uh-huh. I don't doubt it. Now, big question: Why?"

"Ah-choo!"

"Wah!" Marlene cried out, diving to the side as pitchfork flew by right where her head had been.

"That's why." said Skipper, pointing to Rico.

Marlene rose to her feet, dusting herself off. "Yeah, could've done without the demonstration."

"He can't help." explained Private. "He's sick."

"Awww, he's sick." Marlene rushed across the base to where Rico was sitting, looking him over. Rico took in a long snort, trying to swallow back some of his mucus. "Ew. You weren't kidding. Have you tried taking him to the zoo doctors?"

"Oh, that's a great idea, Marlene!" said Skipper waddling over to her. "And then after he's sneezed out a bomb and blown a hole in the roof, they'll give him a lollipop to make him feel all better."

"Oh! Can I have one too?" asked Private, earning him a smack upside the pot covered head.

"Uh-huh. Could've done without the sarcasm also. Thanks." she said, paws on her hips. She turned back to Rico. "Not to worry though. I have just the thing to get this sick little penguin back to full health. Be right back!"

Marlene ran for the exit, closing the hole ridden door behind her. Skipper scoffed, placing his hands on his hips.

"Oh, this outta be good."

* * *

Sweet, salty, savory, fishy aroma wafted through the penguin habitat, filling the air with warm, delicious scents that made every penguin's mouth water. The birds were all standing beside Rico, who was sitting up in bed, all four having a bowl of something tasty.

"It really is good!" shouted Skipper, taking another spoonful of the dish.

"Like all things soothing and delicious concentrated into a single bowl of pure bliss." added Kowalski.

"Yum yum!" grunt Rico, scarfing his entire bowl in a couple of gulps. Marlene stood by the stove, her arms crossed in satisfaction with a bubbling pot beside her.

"Fish Soup." she said proudly. "Yeah. I learned how to make it at my old aquarium. We used it whenever anyone got sick." She looked at her nails. "Not to brag or anything, but mine was always the best."

"I can see why." said Skipper.

"Feeling better, Rico?" asked Private. Rico nodded enthusiastically.

"More! More!" he shouted, waving his bowl.

"Okay. Okay. There's plenty to go around." She crossed her arms, smiling. "You know what they always say-"

"She's working for the yaks!"

"Wha-Aaah!"

Marlene screamed as Skipper tackled her to the floor as the other penguins stared, wide eyed. Private's beak started to twitch.

"Ah...ah..._choo_!"

"Uh-oh."

**~End~**

* * *

_Author's Note:_ Episode Three is done! Yay! I have to admit, I'm a bit worried about some aspects of this one, but I still totally hope you enjoyed it! Let me know what you think when you get a chance! Until next time!


	5. Episode 4: Mort Sitting

**~Mort Sitting~**

* * *

_-Zoo: 1200 Hours_

It was a bright and sunny day at the zoo, filled with zoo goers of every shape, size, and cred. Perhaps most noticeable on this day was a blond girl wearing solid pink who was standing in the middle of the plaza.

"Come to Sally's Pet Spa!" she shouted, handing out a pink flyer to one of the patrons. "Come to Sally's Pet Spa!" she turned, handing it to another.

"Thank you."

"No problem." she said cheerfully. "Make sure to stop by! Come to Sally's-"

She stopped short as she turned around, coming face to face with a cheerfully smiling Alice.

"My, you startled me." said the girl, catching her breath.

"Hi!" said Alice cheerfully, a big big smile across her face. "And what's your name?"

"Oh, my name's Stephanie."

"Great! And what are you doing, Stephanie?"

"Oh, I'm handing out these flyers for my Aunt Sally's business." she started cheerfully. "She runs this really fancy pet spa down town. You see, I'm working there to help pay my way through art school, and-"

"That's super." said Alice, cutting her off, the big smile still across her face. "But I'm afraid we have just one teeny tiiiiny problem."

"What's that?"

"_No soliciting!_" Alice jerked the stack of flyers from the girl's hands, her fake smile completely gone.

"Hey! Those are mine!"

"Awwww, too bad. They're mine now sister, so I suggest you get out of my zoo before I throw you out."

"Oh, I'd like to see you try." said the girl, striking some sort of ninja pose. "I take self-defense at the YMCA. My body is a fully prepared combat machine."

* * *

"_Oof!"_

The girl cried out, rubbing her buttocks as she landed roughly on the concrete pavement outside the zoo gates. She glared back at Alice, who was lightly dusting off her hands.

"You might wanna think about getting a refund for those classes, sweety." said Alice smiling, though the smile quickly dropped to a sneer. "Now don't let me catch you passing out flyers in here again!"

"Oh, you have so not seen the last of me!" said the girl getting up. "I will be back!" She turned, stomping away.

"Bring it!"

* * *

_Zoo: Lady's Restroom: 1230 Hours_

"Come to Sally's Pet Spa." whispered Stephanie quietly as she handed a flyer to one of the women who had just walked in. There was a flush as another woman exited the stalls, walking over to the sinks to wash her hands

"Come to Sally's Pet Spa." she said, handing the woman a flyer, who promptly used said flyer to dry her hands, tossing it in the trash on her way out.

"Rude, much." whispered Stephanie, watching her go. There was another flush.

"Come to Sally's...oh no." The blonde grimaced as Alice stood staring at her, her hands on her hips.

"You wanna do this the easy way, or the hard way?"

"Forget it!" yelled Stephanie, clutching the flyers to her chest.

"Hard way it is." Alice grabbed the top of the stack, and started pulling.

"You can't have them!"

"Give me those!"

Back and forth the two pulled, giving it all their strength. Stephanie managed to hold on for a couple seconds, but unfortunately the mighty strength of a woman who had been pushing brooms, lifting heavy boxes, and dealing with occasionally violent animals for years was too great for her. Alice wrenched the flyers from the art student's grasp, giving a good "Ha!" before kicking open the nearest stall. With all the speed of someone who'd run across this massive zoo hundreds of times, she kicked open a toilet lid, and dropped every last flyer in the bowl.

"Nooooooo!" cried Stephanie. With a smirk, Alice pushed the handle, sending the flyers swirling down into the sewer system right before the girl's eyes. As she stood there, gaping at the lose of her precious flyers, Alice started to walk out of the stall, patting her back on the way out.

"Better luck next time."

As Alice left, Stephanie gritted her teeth in anger.

* * *

_Zoo Plaza: 1300 Hours_

"Yo, I'll take a large popcorn, extra butter."

"Here you go."

"Thanks. Keep the change."

A tall, teenage boy with spiked black hair, a black vest, and sunglasses handed some cash to the popcorn guy, smiling as he walked away.

"Mmm. Popcorn. So sweet and buttery. Like little puffs of cheer and what not."

"_Psssst."_

The teenager stopped and looked around for a moment.

"Down here."

He looked down to see a mysterious figure in a pink hoodie that shadowed their face.

"You got pets?" asked the figure. The boy stealthily looked around over the top of his sunglasses to make sure no one else was looking.

"Yeah. I got pets. What's it to ya?"

"You want 'em taken care of?"

"Yo! If this is going where I think it's going!" The boy angrily started to reach into his vest pocket.

"No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No!" said the figure, frantically waving their hands. "Not like that!"

"Oh...Sorry." slowly the boy withdrew his hand from the pocket. The hooded figure looked around before reaching into their sleeve and slowly pulling out a pink flyer.

"Come to Sally's Pet Spa." said the figure, holding out the flyer, which the boy slowly started to reach for.

"Freeze!"

Both figures turned, shock plain upon their faces. On the other side of the plaza was Alice, sitting in her zoo cart, with two male zoo keepers beside her on foot.

"Drop that flyer!"

"Cheeze it!" yelled the boy. "It's the fuzz!"

The boy grabbed the flyer and started to make a break for it.

"Come to Sally's Pet Spa!" screamed the pink hooded figure, throwing some flyers into the air as she booked it in the other direction towards the more central area of the zoo.

"You go for the boy." shouted Alice, starting her engine. "The girl's mine!"

Loud screeching filled the air as Alice peeled out after the pink hooded figure while the two males went after the boy.

"Stop!" yelled the male zoo keepers.

"Never!"

The boy made a break for the gates, but yelled as he was tackled to the ground. One zoo keepers pulled him back to his feet, spreading him against the wall.

"What's in the pocket?" he said, patting the boy down.

"Hey, a guy's gotta have a way to protect himself in this city. Ya gotta understand!"

The zookeeper reached over into the pocket, pulling out a pink can.

"Ladies hairspray?"

"You ever got hairspray in your eyes? It stings, man!"

"You're a disgrace to men."

"Just don't tell my mom, alright?"

* * *

"Come to Sally's Pet Spa!" screamed the girl, throwing flyers over her shoulder as she ran through the plaza, over a bench, and hopped a hot dog vender. The crowd didn't have much time to stare as a rampaging zoo cart sped rapidly towards them, a siren flashing on top to warn them so they didn't get run over.

"Move it or lose it!" shouted Alice as the people screamed and dove out of the way.

The girl glanced over her should at the speedily approaching zoo keeper. Thinking fast she quickly turned a corner and dove behind a trash can to hide.

"I'm taking you down!" screamed Alice, screeching around the corner and shooting past where the girl was hiding. Taking off her hood, Stephanie looked on after the zoo keeper, breathing hard.

"Gotta hide the evidence." she said, frantically looking around and panting. "She'll never get these flyers from me! Never!"

Clearly panicking the girl stood up, searching for somewhere close to stash the contraband advertisements. She turned around, noticing the animal habitat right behind her.

"Perfect!" she cried, dumping her entire stack of flyers over the fence.

"Stop right there!"

The girl screamed, turning on her heels to see Alice fast approaching.

"You're coming with me, girly!"

"You'll never take me alive!" she screamed, sprinting off in the opposite direction. Alice zoomed after her.

"Not if I can help it!"

Slowly the sirens and screams drifted off into the distance as the two parties continued their chase. Meanwhile, back at the animal habitat a certain trio of lemurs slowly descended to investigate the pile of pink papers that had been so mysteriously dumped into their home.

* * *

_Chimp Habitat: 1315 Hours_

"Come to Sally's Pet Spa." translated Mason as Phil read the flyer, signing to communicate the contents. "Where your pet can be royally pampered. Services include grooming, seaweed wraps, and much much more."

"Did you hear that, Maurice!" said King Julien excitedly. "A spa where you can be being royally pampered! I am royalty! It is clearly a sign. We must go!"

"Don't you find it a little odd that these flyers just happened to land in our habitat?"

"Maurice, why are you questioning the colorful pieces of paper that speak of luxury? Do you not want the pampering?"

"Well, I _could_ use a day of relaxation." said Maurice thoughtfully, a smile crossing his face. "Sure would be nice to _get_ a mani-pedi instead of giving one."

"Precisely. Then it is settled!"

"Yay! Spa day!" shouted Mort, jumping around happily. "Yaaay!"

"Oh, no!" said Julien, waving his hands. "There is no way we are bringing you along."

Mort stopped jumping, his eyes suddenly growing large in sadness.

"But, why not?"

"Spa days are for the relaxing, which I cannot be doing if you are there."

"Come on, your majesty." said Maurice, going over to his side. "Give him a chance."

"Maurice, need I remind you of what was happening last time we took Mort on a royal outing?"

Maurice cupped his chin in his hand, remembering...

* * *

_Midtown: New York Giants Appreciation Day Parade_

_Julien and Maurice stood staring in shock, NY Giants hats on their heads and mouths agape. Before them was the entirety of the parade on fire! Floats crashed into the buildings on the side of the road, their baseball themed displays melting in the flames on top of them as the drivers dove out of them, desperately trying to get to safety. A giant balloon depicting the Giants mascot barreled towards the ground in the distance, crashing into a distant building with a small explosion. It was sheer pandemonium! Everyone was running for their lives! And in the midst of it all was Mort, laughing cheerfully as he jumped around playing with a large pair of scissors..._

* * *

Maurice shivered as he drifted back from the memory.

"How could I forget?" he asked. "The fur on the end of my tail still hasn't finished growing back."

"And you are still wanting to be bringing him along?"

"Oh, no. I am with you on not taking him. But we can't just leave him here alone."

"Why not? Just throw him a ball of string or something."

"Are you kidding? Remember the last time we left him here by himself."

The two lemurs cupped their chins in their hands, remembering...

* * *

_Zoo: Midnight_

_Julien and Maurice stood staring, cowboy hats on their heads and mouths agape. Before them was their beautiful habitat on fire! Zoo animals were running everywhere in panic, trying to put out the blaze before it spread. Burt and Roy, who were trying to gather water for the fire, smashed into each other, falling to the ground with a loud crash. An explosion occurred somewhere off in the distance, and briefly afterwords a very charred looking Rico smashed to the ground in front of the elephant-rhino pileup. It was sheer pandemonium! Everyone was running for their lives! And in the midst of it all was Mort, laughing cheerfully as he jumped around playing with a large pair of scissors..._

* * *

Slowly the two lemurs drifted back from their memories. Simultaneously they turned to look at Mort, who sat on the ground, happily playing with a large pair of scissors.

"Give me those!" shouted Julien, grabbing the scissors and chucking them over his shoulder. "Mort, you are forbidden to ever touch the scissors again."

"Good call." said Maurice.

"Thank you. Now, what are we going to be doing with this...Mort."

"If I may make a suggestion."

The two lemurs turned towards Mason, who was slowly moving away from the spot where the scissors had impaled themselves in the habitat's central tree, just barely missing the primate's head.

"You could always try hiring a sitter."

"Perfect!" shouted Julien. "Then, if they are sitting on Mort he won't be able to make things all burny. I wonder if the elephant is available."

"I was thinking more along the lines of a baby sitter." explained Mason.

"No. No. No. A baby is much too light to be sitting on Mort. Unless it is a baby elephant, but where are we going to be finding one of those on such short notice?"

Mason sighed, taking a deep breath before continuing. "A baby sitter, or Mort sitter as the case may be, is someone who looks after someone else while you are gone. You could go on your little outing, and they could watch Mort to make sure he doesn't get into trouble. Understand?"

"Oh! That is even better!" shouted Julien. "Would you-"

"Not for all the bananas in Argentina." said Mason flatly. "Good day."

The two primates walked away, leaving the lemur trio by themselves.

"Hmph. Fine! Be that way! Their bottoms are unfit to be sitting for Mort anyway."

"But who are we gonna get to look after him?" asked Maurice. The two lemurs thought for a moment.

"Oh!" shouted Julien, his eyes lighting up. "Oh, Maurice! Your king! He is having an idea! Yes. Yes. The idea is growing. Growing even more! Yes! I have...a plan!"

* * *

"This is your plan?"

Julien and Maurice stood on top of the penguin habitat beside the fishbowl, Julien holding a small bag while Maurice held Mort under one arm while looking very skeptically at his king.

"Trust me Maurice. This plan is brilliance!"

"If you say so."

"Now, are you ready?"

"I guess."

"Good. Let's go."

Julien kicked open the fish bowl entrance and the two lemurs dove down into penguin HQ, big smiles on both their faces. All four penguins, who had previously been sitting at the table playing cards, turned to look at them.

"Ring Tail!" shouted Skipper. "What are you-"

"Hello, silly penguins!" said Julien, talking extremely fast. "How are you today. Good? Wonderful. Me? Why I am great as well. Thank you for asking.

"But we didn't-" Private was cut off as Julien kept talking.

"Do I have plans for the day? Why how nice for you to be asking me! Actually, Maurice and I are going to a spa down town for the relaxing and pampering. There will be grooming and manicures and brushing, which, let's face it, Maurice is in sore need of."

"Hey!"

"Well that sounds lov-"

"A problem, you say? Why yes! We do have a problem! Such smart birds you are to be noticing. You see, we need someone to be watching Mort for us while we are gone. It's no big deal really. Just looking after him for the day, feeding him, keeping him from causing trouble. The feeding part is optional, really."

"I-"

"You'd love to do it?!" shouted Julien excitedly. "Oh, thank you, penguins. Thank you! Maurice, give to them Mort."

Maurice quickly dashed over, shoving the tiny lemur into Private's hands with a smile before retreating quickly.

"Now hold o-"

"Here is a bag of things." said Julien, shoving said bag into Skipper's hands, silencing him. "And in case of an emergency my number is in the bag. I'll give you a hint: It's one. We'll be back sometime before it gets really dark, unless, of course, we decide not to, in which case we may be much longer."

"Wait!"

"Thank you once again penguins!" shouted Julien from the bottom of the ladder waving. "Bye bye!"

Without stopping for a pause the two lemurs rushed up the rungs of the ladder, sliding the lid back over the exit leaving the penguins, mouths agape, below. Up top they both stood smiling.

"I can't believe that actually worked." said Maurice.

"You doubted your king?" asked Julien, gesturing to himself. "Now, hurry. We can still catch the bus. You brought the map?"

Maurice smiled, unfolding one of the pink flyers that had a small map at the bottom. "Right here."

"Good. To the pampering!"

And with that they were off.

* * *

While the lemurs were now making very speedy progress away from the zoo, back down in the penguin habitat the penguins were still sitting at the table, shocked expressions on everyone's face. No one moved.

"Um, what just happened?" asked Private. He looked at Mort, who waved happily at him.

"Kowalski, analysis!"

"I'm...not sure Skipper." said the scientific bird, rubbing his head. "It all happened so fast. Like a blur of mind numbing confusion. "

"Check the surveillance footage. Rico, go see if you can find Ring Tail. Private." Skipper looked towards the young cadet who still sat there holding Mort. "You just...keep doing...that. Let's move!"

Kowalski and Rico saluted as they went off in their separate directions, Kowalski to get the video and Rico to the periscope. Skipper paced the floor, agitated as he waited for results.

"Anything?"

"Uh-uh." grunted Rico, shaking his head as he looked away from the periscope.

"I think I may have something." said Kowalski.

The three penguins waddled over to the tall bird, who stood in front of the T.V.

"After carefully examining the security footage, I believe I have determined exactly what happened." he turned to the T.V. pressing play on the remote. Footage of what had happened just moments before played in slow motion.

"Here, Julien and Maurice enter the base, silently, catching us all off guard. Then, Julien begins to talk so fast that no one is able to keep up with what is actually being said. While our brains are busy trying to process the rapid flood of information, he makes his move, eliciting an unspoken agreement from us without us even realizing what just happened and making a hasty retreat before our minds can fully register the extent of what was just done."

"The old used car salesman ploy." said Skipper, his flippers crossed. "Manfredi and Johnson fell for it back in Rio. He started talking, and before either of them knew it they were driving a TNT filled SUV straight to their D-O-O-M. Lucky for us Ring Tail wasn't an enemy agent otherwise we would all be riding in a sports car to the next world right about now. So, what did he swindle us into?"

"If I'm analyzing this correctly, we are to watch Mort while the rest of the lemurs are away."

"Pffft. Is that all?" asked Skipper, his hands on his hips. "Piece of cake."

"So, we're just going to do it?" asked Private incredulously.

"'Course, Private. He used that car salesman ploy like a pro. You gotta respect someone who can pull the wool over your eyes that fast. Now, who knows anything about looking after tiny lemurs?"

They all stared at him, blank expressions on their faces.

* * *

_Downtown Manhattan: 1345 Hours_

"Eh, are you sure we are going the right way?"

Julien and Maurice were walking on the side of the sidewalk closest to the buildings, only receiving the occasional strange glance from the busy New Yorkers who, let's face it, had seen much much weirder things than a pair of lemurs walking down the street in this city. Maurice was holding the pink map in front of him.

"I _know_ how to read a map." said Maurice frustratedly.

"Maybe we should stop and ask for the directions."

"Will you just be quiet and let me do this!" yelled Maurice. Julien glared down at him, hands on his hips. "Your majesty." he added sheepishly.

"Honestly, what is so bad about stopping and, Maurice look!" Julien held out a hand to stop his hefty companion, inadvertently smacking him in the face in the process. After rubbing his sore nose, Maurice followed Julien's eyes. There before them loomed an ultra fancy, ultra posh looking building, a picture of a black poodle silhouetted against a pink background on the sign that matched the logo on the flyer.

"That must be it."

"Great. Now how do you suppose we get in? Not like we can just walk through the front door."

"That is exactly what we are going to be doing. Just follow my lead." getting down on all fours, Julien held his head and tail high and started walking forward. Shrugging, Maurice did the same. Just as a very large woman in a purple coat opened the door, strolling through with her trio of pampered dogs, the lemurs casual strolled through behind her just as if they belonged amongst the spoiled pets.

Inside the parlor was nothing but straight pinks and perfumes. It may have only been the lobby, but already everything seemed like a pampered pet's paradise. The desk was decorated with swirling rose patterns and behind the desk were pictures of previous customers, pets ranging in everything from poodles to parakeets to a large and very glamorous looking crocodile. One side of the room was a waiting room for the humans while the pets sat on the other, waiting in line for their treatments and enjoying a magazine or two, no words of course. Just pictures.

"Swan-kay." said Maurice, looking around. He looked up at the front desk where a blonde girl sporting a black eye and a missing tooth stood, smiling despite the fact that the customers were a bit creeped out by it.

"Welcome to Sally's Pet Spa." said the girl to the large woman in purple. "Do you have an appointment?"

"Yes, I do." said the woman, haughtily. "It's under Vanderpoozen."

The girl checked the book. "Yes. There you are. Vanderpoozen. We'll get you set up in a jiffy."

"See to it that you do." she said, walking to deposit her dogs in the pet waiting line. The blonde sneered after the woman, before making a note on a pink piece of paper and taking it down to the other end of the counter next to door leading into the spa area.

"Appointment?" asked Maurice. "How are we supposed to get an appointment on such short notice?"

"Oh, silly Maurice." said Julien. "There is always an appointment for royalty."

The two headed over towards the pet waiting area, still pretending to be with the group of dogs. As soon as they got close enough, Julien subtly slipped away from the group, stealthily climbing up the side of the desk to where the notes of appointments were kept. He quickly swiped a piece of pink paper, marking on it with a nearby pencil. The moment he was done, he stuck it on top of the pile, and dashed back down to the ground as if nothing had happened. The two lemurs took their seats on one of the tiny pink chairs.

Soon a larger woman with a small, black beehive hairdo came through the door leading into the spa area, walking over to the appointment notes. She picked up the first one, taking a closer look at it. Scribbled on the front was a crudely drawn picture of two smiling lemur heads, one thinner with a prominent nose and wearing a leafy hat and the other wider with big ears. With a strange expression on her face, she looked down at the pet waiting line where Julien and Maurice were smiling up at her.

"Hey, Steph!" she called loudly. "Did you take the note on this appointment?!"

"Yes, Aunt Sally!" she called back.

"Okay! Just Checkin'!" she woman sighed, shaking her head. "Art students. Always gotta make everything into an art project. Not bad though. Has that whole modernist second grader's doodle look that's so popular with all them museum goin' types."

Pocketing the appointment note, the larger woman can out from behind the counter to gently lift up the pair of lemurs, holding them against her shoulder as she started towards the spa. Julien looked at Maurice.

"Like I said Maurice. There is always being an appointment for royalty."

Maurice smiled. "Hail to the king, baby."

* * *

_Penguins HQ: 1430 Hours_

"Awwww, aren't you an adorable little dear? Yes you are! Yes you are!"

Mort giggled as Private tickled his tummy.

"Private talks funny!" said Mort cheerfully.

"Um, yes, sorry about that Mort." he said, rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment.

"Kowalski, what's our progress on Mort sitting intel?" asked Skipper.

"I have taken the liberty of doing thorough investigative research by watching these movies about baby sitting." Kowalski held up a trio of dvd cases. "According to my research these scored the highest in box office profits which leads me to believe they contain optimal information on good child care practices."

"Great, so what's first?"

* * *

"And then Marlene was like, 'you can't just barge into someone's home and start swinging around a flamethrower'. And I was all like 'why not?'. And she was all like 'Because my habitat is on fire!' I mean talk about uptight, am I right? It's not like there isn't a perfectly good pool of water sitting right outside. Oh! Oh! And then, after we put the fire out, she was all like..."

The four penguins sat around on four sofas, talking on phones with their backs turned towards the center of the room.

"Mmm-hmmm. Does she need to take a chill pill or what?!" said Kowalski.

"I know, right!" shouted Skipper.

"Um, not to be rude." said Private, turning from his phone chat towards Kowalski. "But shouldn't we be, you know, actually watching Mort?"

"Ugh, hold on Skipper. Private's asking another dumb question."

"I can hear you you know!"

"Stop that eavesdropping, soilder." said Skipper. "These conversations are private."

"Sorry." said Private.

"As I told you before," began Kowalski. "According to 'Oh, Baby Baby', it is important for the babysitter to spend as little time actually watching the child, or Mort in our case, as possible, and the optimal way to do this is via gossiping on the phone."

"Are you sure that's right?"

"The movie received four out of five stars!" said Skipper. "That's a highly decorated film. If those stars were rankings, it would outrank you by a long shot."

"Can I at least check on him?"

"He's fine. See, he's sitting right in the middle of the room where we left him." Skipper looked to the middle of the room, which was oddly enough lacking in anything resembling a lemur. "Huh. What do you know?"

"He's gone!" shouted Private. "We've lost Mort!"

"Calm down." said Kowalski. "We didn't lose him. He's just not where we left him and we have no earthly idea where he is."

"Kowalski, does this normally happen?" asked Skipper.

"Not to worry. It's completely standard. According to 'Baby Gone Bye Bye' misplacing the child happens all the time. We just have to find him before some horrific accident befalls him."

"Well, as long as it's standard." said Skipper. "Spread out men. I want that Mort found faster than Rico to the table on fish taco Tuesday."

The birds spread out, searching the facility and it's many rooms and corridors, making sure to check in all the small places where a lemur might be.

"He's not in the kitchen." said Skipper.

"He's not in storage." called Kowalski. He turned his heads towards the restrooms as an audible flush sounded. Rico walked out moments later.

"Uh-uh."

"Where could he be?!" asked Private, worried.

"Well, if all my movie based data is correct, he should be in the most dangerous yet easily accessible place in the compound."

"The lab!"

As one, the four penguins rushed for the iron door leading into the lab. They opened it, and immediately gasped. Mort was sitting happily playing with a light bulb right in between two massive metal coils that appeared to be rapidly powering up with electricity.

"Noooooo!" Thinking fast, Private ran across the lab and dove for the tiny lemur. Time seemed to move in slow motion as he flew towards the oblivious bundle of cuteness, desperately trying to save him from harm. With a mighty push, Private shoved Mort backwards, out of harm's way, which, unfortunately, put him right in it. With a loud crackle, electricity arced between the two metal coils, sending massive kilowatts of energy coursing through the penguins body. In a bright flash of light, Private was shot backwards across the room, smashing back first into the wall, smoke slowly coiling off his charred body.

"Private! Are you okay?!" shouted Skipper. "Say something!"

"Is M-Mort s-s-s-safe?" he asked, twitching as the electricity continued to work its way out of his system. Skipper turned to Mort, who was standing in the middle of the floor, smiling.

"I found a shiny thing!" he said proudly holding up a polished washer.

"He's fine." said Skipper.

"Hurray..." Slowly Private peeled off the wall, plopping down onto the floor.

"Don't worry." said Kowalski. "Such injuries are common in babysitting. I've already prepared more than enough medical supplies to keep us ready for the day."

"Who knew such a simple task as taking care of another life could be so pain inducing?" said Skipper.

Kowalski raised his flipper.

"Before doing research and watching the movies?"

He lowered it back down.

* * *

_Sally's Pet Spa: 1500 Hours_

"Ahhhhhhhhhhh..."

Julien and Maurice sighed in contentment, lying on a big, soft cushion with towels wrapped around their heads and tiny cucumber slices on their eyes. The spa room was everything a pet could want and more. Perfumed steam constantly drifted through the air from the many hot tubes, where pets relaxed and reclined in the warm bubbling pools. Doors lead out from the central area to seaweed wraps, massages, mud baths, which a very pampered looking pig seemed to be enjoying greatly, and more. The sign for this room simply read "Relaxation Area" where the pets just sat around and mingled as they wished, either coming from or waiting until their next session of pampering.

"Have you never been more relaxed in your life, Maurice?" asked Julien.

"Sorry, could you repeat that? I couldn't hear you over my own blissful sighing."

"I said have you never been more-"

"I heard you the first time." said Maurice, frowning a little.

"Well, then why did you ask for me to be repeating myself."

"I was trying to be...you know what? Never mind. Let's just enjoy the pampering while it lasts."

The two snuggled back further into the plush comfort of the pillow, enjoying this day more and more. Meanwhile, over at the next table, a trio of cats and a certain ferret were chatting it up.

"It's just awful!" yelled one cat with blonde fur in a thick Queen's accent. "I can't believe my boyfriend Armando would cheat on me like that! And with that floozy down the lane, too!"

"It's because she's a Poisian." said the second cat, who had red fur and a similar accent. "Everyone always goes for the Poisians, with their long hair and flat noses."

"Correct me if I'm wrong here," said the third cat, white furred and an accent like all the rest. "But isn't yo boyfriend a Poisian?"

"Well, I did say everybody."

The three cats burst out laughing, much to the annoyance of the ferret seated close by.

"Okay, first of all," began the ferret. "It's Persian. As in purr, not poi. I figure as cats you guys would be familiar with the sound. And second, can we please talk about somethin' other than boyfriends. Like my new nails for example." she held out her paw, displaying the newly painted nails. " I mean, come on! We're here to relax. Do we really need ta bring men inta this?"

"Awwww, she's right goils." said the red cat. "We are being impolite. Talkin' about boyfriends around little Zoe."

"It's cool. Let's just..." Zoe suddenly narrowed her eyes. "Wait a second. What da ya mean by that?"

"Well, I'm just sayin' that it ain't polite of us ta be talkin' about our many successful romantic ventures when you've never had a boyfriend in ya life."

"I know I would feel bad." added the blonde cat.

"Hey, first off, I wouldn't call a relationship where ya boyfriend cheats on ya successful, and secondly I am single by choice. I just haven't found the right guy yet."

"Suuure. That's what they all say." said the blonde, stretching. "But don't worry. I'm sure there are plenty a guys who would love ta go out wit cha, all ya gotta do is find 'em!"

"Try lookin' in a back alley somewhere."

The three cats broke out laughing once more, much to Zoe's anger. The ferret turned her back on them, crossing her arms.

"Yeah. Yeah. Everyone's a comedian."

"Ooooh, speakin' of boys, check out that one over there." said the blonde, staring over at the next table.

"Oh, my." purred the white haired. "Just look at that tail! So long and luxurious."

"And those legs!" added the red hair. "Has he got a dancer's body or what?"

"Don't you already have a boyfriend?"

"Eh, I keep my options open."

"Yeesh, buncha gaga eyed..." somewhat curious, Zoe glanced over at the next table. Her mouth dropped as she saw who they were talking about. "Fur Face?!"

"You know him?!" asked the blonde. The trio of cats quickly swarmed the ferret, bombarding her with questions.

"How?"

"What's he like?"

"Is he single?"

"Where'd ya meet him?"

Zoe backed up, shaking her head. "Uh, no. Nope. Don't know him. Never seen him in my life. I..." An idea suddenly popped into the ferret's head. "I mean...yeah! Yeah I know him. We used ta date, actually."

"No way!" shouted the blonde.

"You actually dated _him_?" asked the red hair. "I don't believe it."

"Hey, believe what cha want." she said shrugging. She started to turn away as if to leave.

"No, wait!"

A sly smile crossed the ferret's face as she turned back around.

"What's his name?" asked the white hair.

"His name is Julien. King Julien." she bragged.

"You dated royalty?!" screamed the blonde.

"Yep, didn't last long though. Even though we were _deeply_ in love and all that, his subjects needed him more. That's the trouble with datin' these leader types."

"Oh, how romantic!"

"Yeah. It was a pretty hot relationship. Not ta be braggin' or anything."

"I don't buy it." said the red hair suspiciously. "Sounds like a fairy tale ta me."

"I'm tellin' the truth. Take it or leave it."

The red hair narrowed her eyes. "Why don't cha go over and talk ta him then?"

"I...say what?"

The cat smiled. "You heard me. Prove it. Go. Talk. Ta him."

"You can be reunited lovas, just like in all them stories!" shouted the blonde.

"Uh...sure. I can do that."

"Then go."

"I will."

"And we'll follow."

"Sounds good."

"Good."

The two females were inches from each others faces, challenging smiles accompanied by glaring eyes.

"We're waiting."

Zoe stood up straight, hopping down off the table, followed by the three cats. Confindetly she marched across the room towards their destination. She stopped at the bottom of the table where Julien and Maurice were relaxing. Briefly she glanced back at the cats, the red hair still staring at her with the same mocking smile. Zoe glared, before turning back to the table, taking a deep breath. With a big jump, she grabbed onto the side, quickly scaling it to the top. Once there, she stared at the two lemurs, still unaware of her presence. For a moment she considered backing out, but the cats quickly arrived up top, blocking her exit. Not about to look bad in front of them after all she'd said, she cleared her throat to attract attention.

Maurice was the first to notice. He slowly rose up, peeling off one of his cucumber slices. "Can we help you?"

"Uh, hey."

"Hi..." said Maurice, confused. "Is there something we can-"

"Wait!" said Julien, quickly rising into a sitting position. "I would recognize that voice anywhere!" He quickly peeled off the slices over his eyes, looking towards the ferret. "Zoe!"

"Fur Face! I mean, Julien!"

Julien immediately got up, running over to embrace the beautiful ferret, who hugged back with a slightly uneasy expression on her face.

"Oh, it is so good to see you!" said Julien. "How I have missed you since our time together. I still dream of our rrrrromantic moments."

"Yeah. Yeah. Me too." said Zoe.

"Tell me, how is Gladys? Was she heartbroken when I left? I bet she was devestated."

"Oh, she managed to move on..."

* * *

Back at the front desk, Gladys was currently talking to the receptionist, holding out a yellow footstool.

"Now make sure he gets his seaweed wrap." said the older woman. "He just loves that seaweed."

The receptionist stared. "Um, ma'am. You do realize that's a footstool?"

Gladys held out a hand full of bills. "Will this cover my little kitty's treatment?"

Shiftily, the receptionist looked around before taking the money and smiling. "That will cover it just fine. Now, would the kitty like his paws varnished as well?"

* * *

"I see." said Julien. "So, tell me, who are your pretty friends? I must be meeting them."

"Right. Julien, allow me ta introduce Millie, Lily, and Trillie." She gestured to the blonde, red haired, and white cats respectively.

"It's an honor ta meet cha, ya majesty." giggled the blonde as the cats began to surround him.

"Oh, the pleasure is mine." he said as they rubbed against him.

"Hey. Hey. Hey. Break it up." said Zoe, shooing them away.

"No need ta be jealous." said Millie. "We was just lookin'."

"Yeah, well look somewhere else. He's mine."

"Wait!" shouted Julien. "Does this mean what I think it means?!"

She turned to him, a bit perplexed. "Uh..."

"That you wish to reunite the romantic flame that we had together once more?! Oh, tell me it is true!"

"Uh..."

"How romantic!" shouted Millie. "Say yes, Zoe! Say yes!"

"Uh, um, sure! That's...exactly...what it means..."

"Most happy day!" Julien grabbed Zoe in a big hug, much to her displeasure.

"Your majesty." said Maurice. "Shouldn't you think about this more before..."

"Who's ya friend, Kingy?" asked Trillie, walking over to Maurice.

"That is Maurice. My _personal_ royal attendant." Julien winked towards his companion.

"Reeeaaaally?"

Maurice noticed the way the white cat was looking at him and smiled. "Royal attendant _and_ adviser." he added. "Very important position."

"You don't say?" Slowly the other two cats came over to surround him, smiles on their faces. He and Julien smiled at each other, wiggling their brows. Both were definitely enjoying the moment.

* * *

_Penguin HQ: 1530 Hours_

"Are you sure this is right?"

All four penguins stood grouped together in the middle of the base, watching Mort run rapid circles around them, running up the walls, over the ceiling, and back down for another lap like a nitro charged race car.

"Affirmative, Skipper." said Kowalski. "According to blockbuster 'When Momma's Away', it is crucial that the child receive nothing to eat but candy, chocolate, and other foods high in sugar."

"I still don't see why we had to give him my Winkies." said Private, flippers crossed.

"It was a noble sacrifice, Private." said Skipper patting him on the back. "So drop it already!"

Mort momentarily stopped, holding a chocolate Winky in each paw, the sweet, gooey substance covering his normally caramel colored fur.

"_Mort Like Candy!_"

Laughing wildly, he started running again.

"So, what do we do now?" asked Skipper.

"Well, considering that he's currently covered in chocolate, I believe now would be the optimal time for a bath."

"Right, grab that lemur!"

The assembled penguins saluted, dashing off in an attempt to catch Mort. Rico made a dive for him, missing completely which sent him careening over the table and straight into the wall.

"I've got him!" shouted Private.

"No, I do!" shouted Skipper. Sadly, neither of them were right. Both lunged to grab the lemur at the same time, but with his sugar enhanced speed he was much too quick and dodged causing them to smash into each other face first, leading to a two penguins pile up. The hyperactive lemur started running circles around Kowalski, who tried to turn in circles to catch him. Round and round they both went, circles and circles until finally the scientist was overwhelmed with dizziness, dropping to the floor as Mort ran away.

"This isn't working." said Skipper. "If he won't come to the water, we'll bring the water to him. Rico!"

"Uh-huh!" Rico hacked up a high powered water gun. With a maniacal laugh he began rapidly pumping the handle.

"Fire!"

He pulled the trigger. High pressure water blasted from the barrel at the rapidly moving Mort, barreling down anything and everything in it's path. The chocolate coated lemur kept moving, the powerful stream trailing after him decimating the base in the process.

"Enough man!" shouted Skipper. "E-_aaaaaaaaaaauh_!" The commando screamed and gurgled as the water hit him in the face, blasting him into the wall. Slowly the stream stopped as Rico let off the trigger, laughing nervously. Skipper glared at him, spitting out a stream of water.

"I'm starting to think that exploding sports car wouldn't have been such a bad deal."

* * *

_Sally's Pet Spa: 1700 Hours_

Loud, high pitched laughter filtered through the air from one of the jacuzzis. On one end of the bath was Julien, his arm wrapped around Zoe, who was looking more and more like she just didn't want to be there, while at the other end sat Maurice, surrounded by the three cats and looking very satisfied.

"So ya really the king of the Central Park Zoo?" asked Millie.

"And the surrounding midtown area." added Maurice. "But that's nothing compared to back home."

"Home?" asked Trillie.

"Madagascar!" shouted King Julien. "My royal kingdom far far away. It is an island filled with jungle where I rule my many subjects and throw wild parties!" he turned to Zoe. "Of course, as girlfriend to the king, you are on the VIPL list. That's Very Important Pretty Lady."

"Oh brotha." muttered the ferret to herself.

"So what made ja leave?" asked Millie.

"Ah, yes. You see I am currently on an epic quest to expand my kingdom into the new world and beyond, bringing back the spoils for my people! Of course, it's gonna take a while. I need to make sure my kingdom here is secure, explore the distant lands, take in the sites, lots of regal things. I especially want to see the Mount of Rushed More. I have seen the pictures of its many faces, and would like to add my own royal profile to the collection. After all, what is being better than to have the face of a king on a mountain with so many other big leadery peoples?"

"Having it under the mountain." muttered Zoe.

"What was that?"

"Nothing...sweety." Zoe forcefully smiled up at the king, one eye twitching. "Would you excuse me? I have ta go take a powder."

"Use all the powder you want." said Julien happily. "It can only add to the already ravishing attractiveness you are already having." He winked at her, which made her throw up a little in her mouth, though she quickly swallowed it back down.

"How...sweet...of ya ta say." she uttered. Quickly she dragged herself from under his arm, flipping over the edge of the hot tub and making her way rapidly across the floor. Maurice stared suspiciously after her, wondering about her strange behavior.

"I shall be counting the moments until we are once again together!" shouted Julien after her. He turned to Maurice. "Maurice, start counting the moments for me."

"Actually, I think I need to take a powder as well." he said, slipping out of the water, he turned to the three cats, smiling suavely. "I'll be back soon, ladies."

"Sure thing, Mauricey." said Millie.

"Don't keep us waitin' too long." added Trillie.

Maurice winked at them before walking across the floor in the direction where Zoe had gone.

"Remember not to be hogging all the powder from Zoe!" shouted Julien after him. He turned back to the felines. "So, who is wanting to see the king's mad dancing skills?" Three paws shot up.

* * *

"Stupid Fur Face!"

Zoe paced back and forth angrily over by the pet cosmetics counter. Furiously she kicked over a contained of powder, sending white dust scattering over the top of the marbled surface and into the air. She coughed as the powder penetrated her lungs, waving to get the stuff away from her.

"Okay, Zoe. Just calm down. Calm down." slowly she took some deep breathes. "It's one day. All ya need ta do is pretend ta have a thing for Fur Face until he leaves. That's it. A couple hours, max! The girls are jealous, ya get braggin' rights for the rest of ya life, and ya never have ta see that dancin' moron ever again. So, just get back in there, play nice, and everything works out just-"

"Ahem."

The ferret gasped, turning around, coming face to face with a very peeved looking Maurice.

"Maurice!" she said cheerfully. "Shouldn't you be hangin' out with the floozy sister? I think they got a real thing for ya."

"Oh, I think it's much more interesting over here." he said, his arms crossed. Zoe tried to keep up the happy innocent act for a moment longer, but eventually gave up the game, dropping her fake smile with a sigh.

"So, how much did ya hear?"

"Oh, not much. Just that you're using my king to make yourself look good in front of your friends. No big deal."

"Really?"

"No!"

"Look, what's the problem here?" she asked, paws on her hips. "The way I see it, this is a...mutually beneficial arrangement. I get ta look good, Fur Face gets his ego boosted, and you, dumb, dumber, and extra dumb get ta enjoy each other's company. Everyone's happy. No one gets hurt. So, why don't we just go back ta the hot tub, and pretend we never had this conversation? What da ya say?"

"Oh, no." said Maurice, shaking his head. "That ain't gonna fly. Nobody uses the king and gets away with it."

"Oh, really?" she said, getting right up in his face. "And what are ya gonna do? Break his heart? Crush him? My way, he leaves happy. You're way, he's devestated. Now, ya gotta ask yourself, which is worse: letting him continue thinking he's a macho stud with a girl who can't stand him or telling him he's being used like a one ply piece a tissue?"

Maurice started to look uncertain for a moment, much to Zoe's delight. However the look of uncertainty quickly swapped sides as Maurice's face slowly took on a confident smile. Zoe, confused, followed his line of site, turning around and coming face to face with a very stunned looking Julien followed closely by a trio of equally stunned cats.

"Julien! Baby! I-" shouted Zoe.

"You...were using...me?" he asked, his voice cracking slightly.

"Honey, it's not what you think. I-"

"Then prove it." he said. "Show me that you are really loving me."

"How?"

"She could always give you a kiss." suggested Maurice from behind her, a sly look on his face.

"Excellent idea, Maurice!" he said cheerfully. "Give to me a smooch. Show me that the flame of our passionate passion is real."

Zoe looked frantically from Julien to the girls to Julien to the girls. She smiled at him. "Couldn't we just shake hands?"

The three cats winced, taking in a sharp breath through their teeth.

"Ouch."

"That had ta hurt."

Julien stood slumped over, his eyes brimming, his lower lip trembling. Zoe quickly tried to recover.

"Look, I mean it's not that I don't wanna...smooch...ya. It's just that-"

"No." Julien squared his shoulder, standing up proudly. "I will not be being the victim to your feminine wiles any longer. I am King Julien! Ruler of the Central Park Zoo and all of Madagascar! No longer shall I be your puppet of love! Come Maurice! Let us leave this spa of deceit and scented lotions."

Walking tall, Julien passed by a still stammering Zoe, head held high with Maurice following. The hefty lemur stopped in front of her, bobbing his head, and snapping his fingers three times before turning his nose up and following his king. The ferret looked after them angrily.

"Fine! Be that way! Who needs ya?! Bunch a lousy, stupid..." Zoe turned around to find three very angry looking felines glaring at her.

"I can't believe you used that sweet guy like he was a litta box or somethin'." said Millie.

"Girls, you got it all wrong! I-"

"Come on ladies." said Lily. "We don't needs ta be hangin' round this no good usa' no mo'." Sticking her nose up the red haired cat walked past the ferret. Trillie walked up, glaring.

"You are _so_ low class." The white cat burped in her face, saying a brief "'Scuse me." before walking away. Millie glanced at her briefly.

"And P.S. Ya nails...are _tacky_. Hmph."

"But-but-but..." Zoe stuttered as she watched the three felines walk away. She growled in anger. "Fur Face!" To relieve some of her pent up rage she gave the floor a good solid kick, which, instead of reliving anything, caused her to slip on the powder, falling to the ground with a great, white puff.

* * *

"Come again!"

The receptionist smiled as one of the customers opened the door on her way out, waving. While she was distracted, Julien and Maurice marched proudly through the open door and out onto the sidewalk. Maurice turned to his king, who was looking boldly up at the sky, his face tough as stone.

"You handled that like a true king." said Maurice.

"Thank you..._Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!_" Julien slumped down on the hefty lemur's shoulder, sobbing uncontrollably. Maurice rolled his eye, smiling as he patted the taller lemur's back.

"How could she play me like that?!" he screamed between sobs.

"There, there your majesty. Let's just get you home and I'll fix you a biiiig ice cream sundae. You'll feel better in no time." Slowly, he started leading Julien down the sidewalk towards home.

"Make it a double. I want to drown my broken heart with obscene amounts of the iced cream and sugar."

"I'll even through in some chocolate sprinkles on top."

"Thank you." Julien smiled at Maurice, which lasted a good three seconds before he broke down crying once more.

"Oh, Maurice! This was been the worst spa day-"

* * *

"Ever!"

_Penguin Base: 1800 Hours_

Skipper dove to the side as a concrete slab crashed down from the ceiling. Fire blazed all around the base, electric wires dangling from the ceiling. Rico and Private ran frantically about the central room with buckets of water, trying to quell the blazing inferno.

"Oh, come now Skipper." said Private as he threw some water onto the blaze "Surely this isn't the worst situation _ever. _We've faced plenty of more dangerous-"

_BOOM!_

Private squealed as the metal door blew off its hinges, flying across the room and smashing into the opposite wall. Kowalski stumbled out, coughing as red emergency lights started flashing on the ceiling.

"He cut one of the main wires to my new fusion generator!" shouted the scientist. "It overloaded! The lab is in flames! I-_oof!_"

Kowalski fell to the ground as Mort jumped on top of him from behind, laughing cheerfully with a large pair of scissors in his hand. Skipping happily, he jumped off of Kowalski and started snipping them in the air before running off.

"Where did he even get those?!" shouted Skipper. He looked across the room, where Rico was whistling innocently.

"Rico!"

"Wha?" The psycho penguin pointed towards the fallen form of Kowalski who looked from him to a very angry looking Skipper.

"Okay. I will admit that perhaps using 'My Babysitter's a Teenage Motorcycle Punk' on my research list was not the best idea, but it made record breaking profits during the-"

"Enough!" shouted Skipper. "Kowalski, I need you to-"

"_Self Destruct Initiated_."

"Oopsies!" shouted Mort.

Skipper glared over at Kowalski, who shrugged.

* * *

"Do we really have to pick up Mort?" asked Julien, sniffling.

"Yes, we really have to pick him up." answered Maurice.

"But haven't I already suffered enough for one day?"

"King Julien, we-"

_BOOOOOM!_

Both lemurs screamed as an explosion at the penguin habitat rocked the air, sending a tall tower of black smoke high up into the sky. Both lemurs dove to the side as a burnt, metallic fish bowl came crashing to the ground, followed soon after by a burnt and soot covered Skipper, who landed on the concrete with a painful smack.

"Ooooooooooooh." said Maurice, wincing.

"Yes. That did look quit painful." added Julien, nodding.

Skipper slowly sat up, rubbing his head until he noticed Julien standing close by.

"You!" he shouted, standing up shakily. "This is your fault!"

"Oh, don't start with me extra crispy penguin. I have had a worse day than you could possibly begin to be imagining."

"_You've_ had a bad day?!" yelled Skipper. "I had one of my soldiers electrocuted, got shot in the face with a high powered water gun, and, oh yeah, _our HQ just exploded!_ All because of that little monster _you_ left with us! How could you possibly have had a worse day than that?!"

Julien stared at him flatly. "I ran into my ex-girlfriend at the spa, and she played me like a fiddle to look good in front of her feline friends."

Skipper stared for a moment. "You win."

**~End~**

* * *

_Author's Note:_ Hellooooo PoM fans! I present to you the first Secret Seasons episode of September! School has started for most of us, which means noses back to the old grind stone. I know I already have a ridiculous amount of homework to do, so it took me a while to finish this one. Never the less, if I want to be a professional screenwriter, I guess I'll have to get used to big busy work loads. I plan to use the weekend to get super far ahead on homework so I can focus more on my writing, though I still hope to have some fun too. To all my fellow students, I wish you all super high grades this year with as little stress and lack of sleep as possible! Also if you don't know who Zoe is, reference the episode Feline Fervor. It's so totally on Youtube! Episode 5 soon to come!

P.S. This is a special thank you shout out to all my readers! Thanks to you guys, I reached the highest number of views in one month that I've ever had by a long shot! You guys _Rock Out Loud! _Thanks for reading! Till next time!


	6. Episode 5: Fitness Frenzy

**~Fitness Frenzy~**

* * *

_-Zoo Administration Office: 0800 Hours_

The constant scribble of pencil on paper drifted through the air as the Central Park Zoo's head zookeeper sat at her desk adding her signature to the numerous forms, charts, and schedules that now towered high upon her desk in massive piles, crowding it to the very edge of the surface.

"Stupid forms." she said angrily. "Stupid policy updates. Stupid-" A loud snap interrupted her rantings. She looked down at the now broken pencil in her hand, staring at it flatly. "Great. Just great."

"_Yo, Alice."_

Sighing, the zookeeper reached down for her walkie talkie. "I'm a little busy right now."

"_Some guy just called sayin' you were parked in a red zone. Says he's gonna tow if ya don't move."_

"Ugh. Just what I need." she said to herself. Frustratedly, she got up dropping her broken pencil on the table before exiting the room and slamming the door behind her. All was silent.

"All clear!"

In a brilliant flash of light three penguins appeared in the room all in dramatic, extremely dynamic poses appearing ready for action.

"Okay, men. Let's..." Skipper looked around. "Where's Private?"

"Up here, Skipper!"

The three other penguins looked up at the window where they saw Private caught in between the window and the frame struggling to break free.

"I appear to be a bit stuck!" he yelled.

"Well, hurry it up! We can't hold these poses forever!"

"Right. Just give me a, erg, second."

Skipper stared forward a flat expression on his face while the other two penguins looked up at the still struggling Private, none of them breaking poses.

"I've, erg, almost, erk, got it, yarg!"

With a final push the young cadet popped free dropping to the floor and executing a quick flip into his own dramatic pose in the formation.

"You good?" asked Skipper. Private nodded eagerly. "Good. Okay, men. Let's move!"

Breaking formation, the four penguins slid off in separate directions before rejoining atop Alice's paper covered desk.

"So, what do we have here?" asked Skipper.

"The new zoo policy update forms." replied Kowalski as he and the rest of the team searched among the forms. "Everything from supply order schedules to new restroom regulations all piled up in a disorganized display of bureaucratic mess."

"Our objective?"

"Found it!"

Everyone turned to Private, rushing to his side as he stared down at a large stack of forms, each bearing the blue silhouette of an animal in the top left corner.

"The new zoo feeding charts." said Skipper smiling, his flippers on his hips. "Complete control over the rations of each and every zoo animal right at the tips of our flippers. Smell that, boys? That's power. Take it in. Swirl it around inside you. Let it corrupt you."

"Mwaha. Mwaha! _Mwahahahahahahaaa!_"

"Too far, Rico." chided Skipper.

"Sorry."

"It's alright. Now, onto business."

"What is our business exactly?" asked Private.

"Why increasing our rations of course." said Skipper, picking up Alice's broken pencil. "With the mere stroke of this pencil we can have as many fish as we want."

Beside him Rico opened his mouth where Skipper shoved the broken end of the pencil. A high pitched, mechanical whine screeched forth from the cheery looking psycho penguin until Skipper finally pulled the pencil out, the end now sharpened to a fine point.

"Ooooooh, how exciting!" said Private looking extremely eager. "How many fish are we getting? Five each? Ten?"

"Ten fish?" asked Skipper incredulously. "Why that's hardly worth the effort of coming here."

"He's right." said Kowalski, jotting down notes. "Why stop at ten? Or twenty? Or fifty?! Or a hundred?! _The sky's the limit, baby!_"

Kowalski cried out as Skipper smacked him across the face. "That's enough power for you, soldier."

"Right. Sorry, Skipper."

"We'll go for two hundred fish a day." said Skipper confidently. "That's fifty each. Enough for breakfast, lunch, dinner, _and_ midnight fish tail sundaes."

"Sundae! Sundae! _Sundae!_" shouted Rico.

"Oh! Can I do it?" asked Private.

"I don't see why not." answered Skipper as he handed Private the pencil. "After all, you did find the forms."

"Yay! I-"

Loud footsteps from outside interrupted the conversation. As one the penguins all turned, looking through the tinted glass of the door to see the dark silhouette of someone coming closer and closer.

"Hurry, Private!" yelled Skipper.

"Yes, right. I'll just-_woah!_" In his frantic rush to get to the form, the young cadet slipped on one of the papers, knocking the stack off the desk and onto the floor. Skipper slapped a flipper over his face.

"I knew I should have never have let you do this!"

"You did?" asked Kowalski.

"Well, I do now!"

"Sorry, Skipper." yelled Private, jumping down to the floor where he quickly began riffling through the papers. "I can fix this. Just give me a moment. Flamingo? No. Elephant? No."

"We don't have a moment!" yelled Skipper.

"Actually, I'd say we have about three moments until that door opens, exposing us to the view of some authoritative figure, completely ruining the mission and any chance we might have of getting our long awaited fish surplus."

"Oh. Then we can relax a bit." said Skipper smiling as he calmed down.

"That was one moment."

"Relaxing a little less." he said more nervously.

"Two."

"_What's taking so long?!_"

"I've almost...there!" Private smiled in relief, seeing a penguin silhouette. Quickly, he filled in the appropriate box below the blue shape with the new numbers. "Done!"

"Retreat! Go! Go! Go!"

As fast as they could the four penguins slid for the wall, rebounding off it towards the window. With practiced precision Rico jerked open the window allowing the other three to shoot out before following himself just as the office door slammed open.

"Stupid, lousy, no good..." Alice barged into the room steaming with fury. "I don't even drive a car! I bike to work! Why I oughta-" she looked down at the papers strewn across the floor. "And what's this?!Perfect. Just perfect. A great, big, messy cherry on top of my day."

Scoffing in frustration she got down on her knees to pick up the papers. Curiously, she picked up the pencil, closely examining its mysteriously sharpened point. Shrugging, she put it behind her ear and continued picking up the forms, that is until she spotted the penguin form. She frowned, reaching down for the form. As she picked it up however, she noticed that there wasn't one, but two forms. She slid the penguin form from behind the other whose top had been folded down, placing it on the nearby pile. Curiously, she flipped up the bent top revealing the deep blue silhouette of a waving otter.

* * *

_Otter Habitat: 0900 Hours_

Marlene waved out at the crowd surrounding her habitat, a big smile on her face. She took a deep breath before leaping forward into the air, plummeting towards the stone slide below. With an eager gleam in her eye she slid down the ramp, shooting out into the air and executing an elegant arabesque before dropping down into the waters below, much to the pleasure of the crowd. Keeping up her momentum, she dove down through the waters before shooting back up to the surface where she flipped backwards out of the water, twisting in the air before hitting the water again, an action accompanied by the oohs and aahs of the assembled humans. She did this once more before shooting straight up out of the water, spiraling in the air, and at the very peak of her jump, she bowed to the crowd, maintaining said bow until she once more hit the water. The crowd cheered loudly as Marlene waved from the water, soaking in all the applause.

"Woowee!" said Maurice from the next habitat over. "Marlene's really in top form today. Did you see that flip? She must have been working on that for a long time."

"Yes, she is indeed in the top of her form." said Julien, stretching deeply. He stood up confidently. "Unfortunately for her, I am also being in the top of form. And the top of her top cannot come close to topping the top that is the top of my...eh, top. Hit it!"

Mort obliged, pressing play on the lemur's boom box. Loud tribal pop music blared as the lemurs began dancing, King Julien pulling out some especially killer moves. The crowd at the otter habitat turned toward the source of the music, their faces all lighting up as they saw the trio of dancing mammals. Talking excitedly, the crowd immediately rushed towards the lemur habitat where they started cheering on the boogy happy dance group.

"Thank you. Thank you. I-" Marlene cut off as she noticed that she had been abandoned by her crowd. "Hey! Hey! Come back! I've got more material!" She watched them continue staring at the lemurs, crossing her arms in a disgruntled fashion. "Show hogs."

As the people cheered Julien jumped on top Maurice's head and then double back flipped down on top of Mort, striking a pose and crushing the tiny lemur beneath his feet in the process, though Mort still waved happily at the crowd from his flattened position.

"Okay, that was a little impressive." she admitted with a slight nod of approval.

"Meal time!"

Marlene turned as Alice and another zookeeper approached her pen with the feeding cart.

"Well, at least now I have time to enjoy my lunch." she said haughtily as she pulled herself onto the shore, shaking herself to fling off any excess water. She turned with a smile, raising her paws towards Alice. "Okay. Let me have it!"

Almost immediately Marlene regretted her choice of words as a massive pile of fish was dropped on top of her, more being thrown on top soon after as the two zookeepers continued reaching in a large barrel and tossing fish after fish onto the pile.

"Are you sure this is right?" asked the male zookeeper. "That's a lotta fish for one little otter."

"Do I look like a dietician to you?" asked Alice. "All I know is that the form said two hundred fish for the otter habitat per day."

"Doesn't that seem a little, I don't know, weird to you?"

"They send me the forms. I sign the forms. We get the food. End of story. Besides, I'm not about to risk _my_ paycheck asking stupid questions."

"I hear that."

The two tossed the last of the seafood onto the pile, the male whipping his brow.

"That's the last of them."

"Good. Now let's keep movin'."

Loading the barrel onto the cart, the two went on their way leaving the buried otter behind. The top of the pile moved, bulging a couple times before Marlene burst out the top, sending fish flying around her. She rubbed her head before noticing the massive score that now surrounded her, her face lighting up like a Broadway marquee.

"L-look at all this fish! T-this is-" she quickly popped a fish in her mouth. "Oh, yeah. That's good. This is awesome! All for me?" Beaming with joy, she slid down the side of the pile, putting her paws on her hips. "Huh. It's nice to know that _someone_ appreciates me!" She said yelling the last part at the crowd, who just then let out a massive cheer for the lemurs.

"Yeah. Yeah, lap it up, lemurs! In the mean time, _I_ will be lapping up _all this_!" Striking a divers pose, she took a deep breath before jumping into the air and swan diving down into the pile.

* * *

"Feeding time!"

Over at the Penguin habitat, all four birds were eagerly awaiting their much desired meal, Private himself literally quivering with anticipation.

"Hope you brought your umbrellas boys." said Skipper.

"Why's that Skipper?"

"Because it's about ta be rainin' fish! Hallelujah!"

"Ooooh, not just raining fish." corrected Kowalski. "I calculate this to be a full scale fish typhoon. A fish tsunami! A category five fish hurricane, with winds of deliciousness exceeding one hundred and twenty miles per hour! _Yeah baby!_"

"In that case prepare to be willingly blown away by an unstoppable torrent of delectable-" A small pile of fish plopped down onto the ground beside the group. "Fish?" The four stared for a moment.

"_Fiiiish!_"

Rico happily dove on the pile, consuming his fill while the other stared on, shocked.

"What gives?!" shouted Skipper. "Where's our fish typhoon? This is barely a summer sprinkle!"

Kowalski and Skipper turned to Private, their eyes full of judgment, causing the littlest penguin to shrink back a bit.

"But I filled out the form!"

"And you're _sure_ you filled out the right form?" asked Kowalski flatly.

"Yes!...Mostly."

"Then where did our fish monsoon go?!" asked Skipper.

"Woohoo!"

The three penguins turned their eyes towards the otter habitat where Marlene was basking in her massive aquatic bounty, throwing fish up into the air just so they would rain back down on her head. They turned their glares back on Private who squirmed under their steely gazes.

"I was in a hurry!" he yelled finally.

Skipper sighed. "Ugh. All our hopes and dreams, dashed to pieces over a simple paper work error."

"Well, to be fair," said Kowalski. "I did say it was a disorganized pile of _bureaucratic_ mess."

"And that makes it okay?!"

"No, but it does make it expected."

Skipper turned his face to the sky.

"Curse you bureaucracy!"

Kowalski and Private stared.

"Was that really necessary?" asked Private.

"No, but it makes me feel better."

"On the plus side we still have our regular serving of-"

Kowalski cut off as he looked over at where the pile of fish had been, and where a very satisfied looking Rico now lay. All three penguins stared.

"We could always go ask Marlene for some food." suggested Private. "It does seem like she has a bit of a surplus."

"Private! Where's your sense of pride?" admonished Skipper. "I will not degrade the dignity of this unit by begging for food. Besides, I have a secret stash of sardines saved away for just such an emergency."

Rico burped, belching up a square, pink can which the assembled penguins stared at.

"Would they happen to have been stored in a large pink can with the word 'sardine' written in green on the side?" asked Private.

"Affirmative." said Skipper calmly.

They all continued staring.

"So that would be them then?"

"Double affirmative." Skipper turned to the psycho penguin, who licked his lips happily. "Rico, I'm gonna need a bazooka."

Saluting, Rico regurgitated a small bazooka into Skipper's waiting flippers. "Thank you. _Now hold still!_"

Private and Kowalski jumped on Skipper, holding him back from blasting his gluttonous comrade to pieces.

"Easy Skipper." said Kowalski. "Let's not do anything drastic."

"Define drastic."

"Blowing up a teammate?" suggested Private.

"Technically more of an example than a definition, however I trust the point still stands." corrected Kowalski.

"Fine." said Skipper in a huff. "We wait till dinner, but Rico, I'm revoking your rations for the day."

Rico crossed his flipper. "Aw, man."

* * *

_Zoo: 1730 Hours_

"Bye bye! Thanks for coming! See you tomorrow!"

Mort waved happily at the departing crowd exiting the zoo as it prepared to close. Maurice wiped his brow.

"Whew. I don't know about y'all, but I'm beat."

"_Woo!_ Check out these sweet moves!"

The hefty lemur turned to his king who was still breaking it down like nobody's business!

"Uh, your majesty, you do realize the people are gone, right? You can stop now."

"_Why_ would I be stopping when I am so clearly in my groove?" asked Julien, happily. "There ain't no party like a King Julien party because a King Julien party don't stop! Yeah baby!"

"Yay for a King Julien party!" shouted Mort.

"Whatever you say."

Over at the penguin habitat...

"Ooooooh..." groaned Private. "I don't know how much longer my tummy can take this."

"Easy, Private." said Skipper. "Think of it as survival training. We might have to be a mission where we have to go days without food. Weeks even. Why, I once had to go a month in the Nairobi Desert on three sardines and a bag of saltine crackers. When I got back you could grab my wishbone and toss me like a javelin! You just have to be tough, strong willed, and most importantly-"

"Feeding time!"

"Oh, thank goodness!"

All four penguins eagerly waddled to the center of the island to await their long sought after meal. Skipper looked at Rico sternly.

"Rico, I thought I told you I revoked your rations for the day."

"But-"

"No buts! Now out of line, soldier."

Rico glared, grumbling as he waddled away from the team who continued to stare as Alice and, more importantly, the food cart came into view.

"Here ya go." said the listless zoo keeper, tossing the fish into the pen. As one, they all stretched out their flippers in front of them, eager to receive the succulent morsels, but their eagerness was quickly forgotten as Rico, in a blur of motion, jumped in front of them like a man taking a bullet, snatching the fish out of the air and rolling to his feet further down the island. The others stared in shock.

"Stop him!" shouted Skipper. Just as Rico raised the first fish to his beak all three penguins dog piled him causing the fish to flop away from the psycho bird. Private smiled, starting to reach towards the fish, but Kowalski was quick to smack him in the face, pushing against him to get out of the dog pile and closer to the fish, though Private would have none of that. The young penguin grabbed his leg, pulling his feet from under him, sending him to the ground only to try climbing over him the next moment. That is until Rico, back for round two, jumped on top of him, setting himself on top of the pile. Alice stared, a look of disgust on her face.

"Animals." she shook her head, walking off as the three penguins wrestled with each other, getting closer and closer to the fish pile. In a heap they all arrived, stretching their beaks forwards to be the first to grab a bite of the treasured seafood. An eagerness glistened in each eye as they looked towards their prize, however seeing the foot of their leader land directly in front of them quickly put said eagerness, as well as their quarreling, to rest. Slowly they all looked up into Skipper's stern eyes.

"Fall in!"

Quick as a flash the three birds stood up, standing at attention in a single file line. Each of them cried out as one of the fish they had been seeking smacked them across the face wielded by their commander.

"What kind of disgraceful show was that?" he asked, angrily waving the fish around. "Turning on your own teammates, and for what?! A couple of scaley...sweet...juicy..."

Before anyone could stop him, Skipper shoved the fish right into his mouth.

"No!"

The team jumped their commander, tackling him to the ground. They got back to their feet, Private holding onto the fish while Kowalski and Rico held Skipper.

"I don't know what came over me." said Skipper, looking shocked. "What's happening to us?! We're fighting like deranged mammals. Over food!"

"I don't get it either." said Private, looking at the fish. " It's the same amount of food we've always gotten, and yet it feels like so much less."

"I may have a theory." said Kowalski, pointing over to Marlene's habitat where said otter lie patting a very full belly.

"Whew. I. Am. Full." the otter sighed, leaning back with her hands underneath her head and a contented smile on her face. She let out a small, accidental belch, quickly muttering an apology before once again leaning back holding her stomach. "Ugh. If I never see another fish it'll be too soon."

As if on cue a massive pile of fish landed on top of her once more, burying her beneath the stacks of scales. Alice tossed a few more handfuls of fish before dusting her hands and making an exit. With renewed enthusiasm, Marlene popped out of the side of the pile, a big smile on her face.

"Weeeeell, maybe just a couple more."

The four penguins watched from afar as she started to dig in.

"What? You're saying Marlene is why we're acting like rabid mongrels?" asked Skipper skeptically. "You think she has some _brainwashing ray gun_ hidden away in her massive pile of fish? Is that what you're insinuating?"

"No." said Kowalksi flatly. "I'm saying that the pile of _fish_ is the problem. Normally, our regular rations are exactly the right amount for us, however when we look at what we have in comparison to Marlene's enormous surplus, which should have been _ours!_" The group stared at him. "Ahem. As I was saying, when comparing the two our supply suddenly seems meager by proportion inducing feelings of jealousy, competition, and, worst of all, greed."

Skipper scoffed. "As if, Kowalski. Like we'd turn on each other just because we're a little jealous. What kind of petty creatures do you think we-Enemy at three o'clock!"

The three other penguins turned around, breaking into combat stances while Skipper subtly grabbed as much fish as he could carry.

"Suckers!" he yelled, running away and diving down into the base. The other three looked after him for a moment before looking at the diminished pile.

"It's mine!"

Private, Kowalski, and Rico all dove onto the pile, duking it out for the lion's share of the fish.

Marlene stared at the fighting penguins, a curious expression on her face.

"Huh. Those penguins and their training exercises. I tell ya." She shook her head, going back to eating her super sized dinner. As she continued eating however, slowly, unbeknownst to her, her stomach began to bulge...

* * *

_Zoo: One Week Later_

Music bumped loudly from the lemur habitat as the lemurs shook their booties for the newly assembled crowd.

"Feel the burn!" shouted Julien, break dancing to the amazement of the crowd.

"You're on fire, your majesty!" shouted Maurice.

Julien struck a pose, balancing on one hand with his feet in the air.

"I know! Quick Maurice. Check to see if Marlene is watching. I bet she is turning green with the envy."

"On it your majesty!"

As Julien went back to wowing the crowd, Maurice scampered to the edge to look over towards the otter habitat where Alice was just bringing her first tour group of the day.

"And here we have the otter habitat. Otters are semi-aquatic mammals that, according to our zoo dieticians, eat way more fish than you would normally think."

A girl in the group raised her hand.

"Oh, goody. Questions. What is it?"

"Um, where's the otter?"

All eyes turned towards the Marlene's cave. Slowly the girl's eyes traveled down towards the water, a rythmic rippling disturbing its smooth surface. Her eyes traveled upwards to a tiny pebble which was bounced off the ground in the same rhythm as if to the beat of an unseen drum.

"Ms. Zookeeper. Exactly how big is this OH MY GOSH!"

All jaws dropped as Marlene, or at least what looked like an extra extra EXTRA plus-sized version of Marlene, emerged from the cave. Smiling she waved her arms in the air, basking in what she presumed to the be the audience's undivided attention.

"Thank you!" shouted the new, enlarged otter. "Thank you! Now, prepare to be amazed!"

Slowly she turned around, beginning to scale the rock to the top of her slide, appearing to have some difficulty doing so.

"Um...yeah. As I was saying. The otter-"

"Ms. Zookeeper. Are otters supposed to be that big?"

"Big?" asked Marlene looking at the girl incredulously. She looked down at herself. "Well, I suppose I've gotten a little fluffier, but big? Come on. Big she says..."

With a couple of heaves she finally managed to reach the top of the slide, huffing and puffing for a moment before she started stretching.

"Now time to show them just what this otter can do."

Taking a deep breath, she waved at the audience and attempted to jump up into the air. Sadly she didn't make it more than two centimeters off the ground. She looked down.

"Huh?"

She attempted to jump a couple more times, but only succeeded in lightly bouncing.

"Oh, come on! Just..gotta..." After a couple more light attempts, she gave it her full effort, lunging forward with all her might! She smiled as she finally grew air-born over the slide, but her smile faded as she plummeted down onto the slide itself. Instead of sliding like normal, she began rolling head over heels like a giant bowling ball, screaming all the way. At the end of the slide she rolled out into the air before dropping like a fur covered canon ball straight into the water.

The audience all cried out as a massive splash from the pool soaked them all to the bone. They all looked down at their now wet attire, grumbling and moaning.

"Hey, lady!" yelled one man. "You didn't say anything about there being a splash zone on this tour!"

The audience began yelling in agreement, much to Alice's dismay.

"Uh, sorry folks. If you'll follow me we'll get you all cleaned up. This way please!"

The group continued complaining as they followed Alice away.

After a moment Marlene breached the surface. She took a couple deep breaths before throwing her arms into the air.

"Ta-da!"

She smiled until she noticed that everyone was gone.

"Wow." said Maurice, looking on from the lemur habitat with a disbelieving expression on his face. Julien rushed over, smiling brightly as he grabbed onto Maurice's shoulder, following his eyes towards the otter habitat.

"Did she see me Maurice?! Is she seething with the jealousy?! Tell me she's...eh...Maurice. Who is that over there in Marlene's pen?"

"I think that's Marlene."

"Yes, Maurice. I know that is Marlene's pen. I meant who is that _in_ Marlene's pen. I mean, what? Is she a guinea pig or one of those capybara...things?"

"No, that's Marlene!"

"Honestly, Maurice, if you don't know just say so. Sheesh." Julien huffed before looking at the 'unknown' animal with a suspicious glare. "However, if this strange lady is there then where has Marlene gone?"

"That's what I'm trying to tell you! That is-"

"Hush Maurice! It being clear to me what is going on."

"It is?"

"Yes. Clearly this mysterious lady has done something to Marlene! We must be getting to the bottom of this!"

"We do?"

"Of course. Silly Maurice. If Marlene is gone then who's face am I to be rubbing my mad skills in?"

"You can rub them in my face!" chimed in Mort.

"No! It must be Marlene's face that I am rubbing it in."

"Any particular reason why?" asked Maurice, smiling and raising an eyebrow.

"Yes. Because Marlene is the only one who comes anywhere near close to being competition to me."

"Oh." Maurice's smile faded.

"Of course she's still not anywhere close, but at least she make things more interesting."

"I get it."

"Which is why we must be finding out what this stranger has done with her as soon as possible!"

"More! More! More!"

The heads of the three lemurs turned as the audience started chanting. They all smiled at each other.

"After the people leave?" suggested Maurice.

"Hit it!"

Mort hit the music once again, and the lemurs began to dance once more surrounded by the cheers of their fans.

* * *

The lemur's music seeped down through the walls into Penguin central command where the four penguins were currently standing in a circle, glaring at each other suspiciously. Beside each penguin was a scale with a pile of fish on it, a digital reading displaying the pile's exact weight directly above it.

"One for Rico." said Kowalski, tossing a fish onto Rico's scale. "One for Private. One for Skipper. And one for me."

"Rico's is bigger than mine!" shouted Private.

"Nu-uh!"

"Quiet!" shouted Skipper. "We all have the exact same amount down to the last ounce. Right Kowalski?"

"Affirmative, Skipper. I designed the scales myself."

"See? He designed it him-" Skipper stopped short. His eyes went to Kowalski's scale before a suspicious look came across his face. "Say Kowalski. All these amount are exactly the same, right?"

"That's what the scale say, Skipper."

"So you wouldn't mind if I asked you to, say, swap scales with Rico, riight?"

Kowalski's eyes widened. "Uh, no. Of c-course not, however since they are all the same it just seems illogical to make such a swap without a good-" Skipper slapped the top of Kowalski's scale causing the number to suddenly go a couple ounce higher. Kowalski yelped in horror. "Reason!"

The other penguins gasped.

Private glared. "Kowalski! How could you?!"

As Private pointed an accusatory flipper, the numbers on his scale suddenly went up as well creating even more astonishment.

"Eh tu, Private?" asked Skipper.

Private looked around guiltily. "Okay! I confess! I walked in on Kowalski when he was rigging his scale and made him rig mine as well, and I know it was wrong but I just couldn't help myself!"

"Conspiracy!" shouted Skipper. He walked over to Rico. "At least I know I have one honest soldier."

In a show of pride, Skipper slapped Rico on the back which, as fortune would have it, caused him to cough up a large can of sardines. Skipper gasped as Rico smiled guiltily.

"My sardines! Those were from my personal supply! Why I aughta-"

"Personal supply?!" asked Private incredulously. "You mean you were holding out on us?"

Skipper looked around at all the accusing faces. He smiled. "Well I...you see I...Enough! It's clear that we've all been conniving for one thing and one thing alone: More fish. So, to put an end to this madness before things get any more out of hand, I can see only two options. One, Kowalski invents some sort of food replicator."

The penguins all turned to Kowalski who was using a screwdriver to work on some sort of ray gun. He gave the gun a couple more tweaks before the entire thing blew up in his face. As Kowalski sat covered in ash, the other all turned back towards each other.

"Or two: we find some way to get back the surplus from Marlene that should have been ours in the first place."

"But Skipper, I thought you said it would bring shame on our unit if we went around begging for food."

"It would Private. That's why we're not going to be _begging_ for food."

"Huh?"

"We're going to find some way to persuade her _give_ us that fish. The only question is how..."

"Oh! Oh!" Rico raised his flipper in the air before hacking up a chainsaw which roared to life almost immediately. The other stared.

"Okay...that's an option...now let's think of a something a little less...drastic."

* * *

_Otter Habitat:_ _2100 Hours_

The moon glistened off the rippling pool of water in the otter habitat. Slowly Marlene dragged herself back on shore after her swim, shaking herself to fling off the excess water.

"Big." she scoffed. "I'm not big. I'm the perfect otter size."

She looked down into the rippling water at her distorted reflection which showed her looking the same size she had always been. She smiled at having her thoughts reaffirmed, however slowly her eyes drifted downwards towards her stomach which did appear to be a little larger than she remembered it being.

"Still, I suppose a quick walk around the zoo wouldn't hurt. Get the old blood flowing."

Making up her mind she went over to the fence and began to climb the bars slowly and painstakingly. She grunted and huffed as she inched her way to the top, heaving her bulk up on top of the fence before falling over the other side and landing with a distinct plop.

She rubbed her head as she stood up, taking a couple deep breaths before smiling. "See. Nothing to it."

With a sort of waddling gait she began making her little trip around the zoo grounds. She looked up as she passed by the chimp habitat where Phil and Mason were enjoying some evening tea.

"Hey, guys!" yelled Marlene.

Phil spit out his mouthful of tea upon seeing the newly enlarged Marlene while Mason's eyes simply went wide.

"Oh my...I mean good evening Marlene!" shouted Mason. "You're looking very...healthy tonight!"

"Thanks!" she shouted back. "I think."

Shrugging she turned back to here walk, but was stopped short by a certain lemur standing in her way wearing what looked to be a delivery boy hat and mustache made out of grass and leaves, a pizza box held in his hands.

"Hello!" he said. "I am-a being a normal handsome-a pizza delivery boy-a. I have-a a pizza for a Marlene-a the otter-a. Do you-a know-a where she is...a?"

"Julien. I know it's you."

"Julien? Why I have-a no idea who-a you're-a talking about-a. He sure-a does sound like a regal and magnificent-"

Marlene grabbed one side of his grass mustache and jerked it off, much to his surprise.

"You were saying?"

Julien smiled for a moment before yelling. "Maurice! The guinea pig lady is being onto us!"

Without a second thought Julien dropped the pizza box and hightailed it away, leaving Marlene staring after him with disbelief on her face.

"Guinea pig?! Julien it's m-_woah_!"

Marlene yelped as a gray trunk wrapped around her, lifting her up.

"Don't listen to them none." said Burt, bringing Marlene closer to himself. "We big guys have to stick together."

"Big? I'm not big!"

"That's right." said Burt nodding. "We're not big. Just big boned."

"Listen, I-" Marlene gasped as she looked down into Burt's trough of water, and saw her own enlarged reflection looking back up at her. "Oh, no! It's true! I am big! I'm enormous! W-what's happened to me?!"

"Just so you know." said Burt. "We have a big boned people support group meeting on Tuesday. Snacks provided of course."

"No. No no no no no! I am _not _staying this way! You hear me?! I-I need to do something about this, but what?"

"You could always try going on a diet." Suggested Burt. "They never work for me though. Late night peanut butter cravings."

"A diet! That's it! But how? I've never been on a diet before. I'm gonna need help! But from who?"

* * *

_Penguin Base: 2130 Hours_

"So," said Skipper confidently. "You decided to come to us for help, huh?"

In front of him Marlene struggled against the ropes binding her to a large steel chair.

"Uh, no. I was actually on my way to see Julien when you guys _ambushed me_ and dragged me back here!"

"Ring Tail?! He's the laziest animal in this zoo!"

"And yet he manages to stay in perfect shape."

"Trust me Marlene, our methods are _waaay_ more effective than anything Ring Tail can offer you."

"Um, yeah. No offense Skipper, but you're not exactly in the best shape as it is."

"I'll have you know that we are an elite fighting force in the peak of physical fitness."

To emphasize their point, all four penguins struck dynamic fighting poses. Marlene sighed.

"Okay, fine. I'll give your way a shot. Now can you untie me?"

"Of course. Rico."

Rico nodded before belching out a knife and cutting the ropes. Marlene stood up, rubbing the area where the ropes had been.

"Okay. So what do we do?"

"First of all, we need to work on that massive pile of fish you've been getting. It's far too big for just one otter."

"Really?"

"Oh, yeah." said Kowalski. "You've been eating in a day what otters in the wild eat in a week."

"Huh. I've always eaten whatever the zoo keepers give me."

"Normally that would be an ideal diet, however it appears that something-"

"Which we had absolutely nothing to do with!" shouted Private, earning him a quick smack upside the head.

"Has gone wrong in their system leading to excessive amounts of sweet...succulent..." Skipper smacked him. "Excessive amounts of fish being delivered to you each day."

"Okay. So, how do we fix it? You guys gonna go in and change things in the system back to the way they were? Use some of that secret agent action?"

"Negative." said Skipper. "It would be, uh, far too difficult to execute a mission of that scale. We'll just have to take it upon ourselves to manage those fish to make sure you get just the right amount. It's no trouble at all really."

"But-"

"No trouble at all. Starting tomorrow you'll be put on a grueling exercise and training regiment to get you back in shape. We'll stop by around breakfast to, um, take care of your food portions."

"Great! I can't wait! Thank you guys so much for helping me out. You guys are the best."

"Anytime Marlene. Anytime."

The penguins all smiled as Marlene made began making her exit through the metal door. The door slammed close.

"Boys. Mission Accomplished."

* * *

_Otter Habitat: 0900 Hours_

"Breakfast time!"

Marlene slowly waddled out of her cave as Alice rolled up, tossing this morning's pile of fish onto the islet.

"Mmmmm, the most important meal of the day."

Marlene picked up the fish and was about to chow down when it was jerked out of her paws.

"That's a negative, soldier." said Skipper. Behind him Rico was already operating a miniature forklift to move the massive pile of fish. "As of today all your meals will be with us, prepared by us."

"So, wait. No breakfast?"

"Of course there's breakfast." Marlene sighed in relief. "After a jog around the perimeter of the zoo!"

"But-"

"Let's move, move, MOVE!"

Marlene screamed as Skipper pulled out a bull horn and sounded the siren. She immediately climbed out of her pen and started her run.

"Private, get the car and follow her to make sure she keeps running. Kowalski, make sure those fish get to the base. Rico, I'm feeling in the mood for deep fried fish pancakes."

Everyone nodded before scattering in their separate directions. Skipper glanced to the sides before swallowing the fish in his flippers.

"Ah. And so it begins."

* * *

_Penguins Habitat: 1200 Hours_

"Come on, Marlene!" shouted Skipper as he chowed down on a fish pancake. "Let's hustle!"

Marlene struggling her way across a set of monkey bars, her small arms doing their best to support her massive weight.

"I'm...trying!"

"Here." shouted Skipper shoving a fish pancake into her mouth. "Maybe you just need a little more fuel."

Marlene swallowed. Suddenly the bars above her began to creak before the entire structure collapsed.

* * *

_Zoo: 1400 Hours_

"Lift those knees! Lift those knees!"

Skipper yelled through his bull horn before taking a big bite of fishdog with extra relish, mustard, and fish chili on top. He sat in the penguins car as they drove alongside Marlene who was jogging with all her might.

"Oh yeah." she said. "I'm feelin' the burn!"

"Some training fuel will help with that."

Skipper shoved a whole fishdog right into her mouth. Marlene swallowed before accidentally tripping over her own feet.

The car screeched to a halt as Skipper looked back at the fallen Marlene.

"Let's pick up the pace here!"

* * *

_Zoo: 1600 Hours_

_BOOM!_

Marlene dove to the side as another mine exploded near her.

"Let's up that reaction time!" shouted Skipper, chowing down on an extra grande fish burrito.

"How does dodging my way through a mine field help me lose weight!" shouted Marlene.

"Adrenaline!" shouted Skipper.

"Huh?"

"Adrenaline." explained Kowalski who was also eating burritos along with the rest of the penguins. "It's a chemical in the body that is mostly present during times of extreme excitement or danger. It causes a drastic increase in metabolism and, in turn, leads to higher weight lose."

_BOOM!_

Marlene rolled sideways just in time to avoid another exploding mine.

"If you say so." she said panting.

"That's the spirit!" yelled Skipper. "Here, have some training fuel!"

Skipper grabbed one of the burritos from the plate and chucked it towards the scared looking otter. She desperately fumbled the burrito for just a moment before it finally settled in her grasp, causing her to sigh in relief.

_Beep beep beep beep beep._

She looked down at where she was standing, a red light blinking between her feet. She only had time to offer a flat stare before-

_BOOM!_

"_Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah~!_"

Marlene's scream echoed through the air as she was sent airborne.

The penguins all sat watching her fly.

"Should we go after her?" asked Private.

"Nah. The walk back here will be good exercise. Now pass the hot sauce."

* * *

"_Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah-Oof!"_

Marlene's scream cut off as she crashed down on the pavement a good distance away. Slowly she began to sit up, rubbing her sore head.

"I believe this is being yours."

Marlene looked up to see Julien smiling down at her holding her burrito.

"Uh, thanks."

"Do not be worrying." said Julien caressing the burrito as he held it in his arms. "I am more than happy to be offering assistance to such a...large and lovely lady." He took a dramatic wiff of the burrito, only to turn away coughing and gagging. "Oh! It is being filled with the horrible fishy smell! I-" He looked back at Marlene before smiling once more.

"As I was saying I am glad to be helping you. Perhaps, in return, you could be helping me by-"

"_What have you done with Marlene?!_"

"Wah!"

Marlene screamed as Mort grabbed her by the cheeks and began screaming in her face.

"You tell me what you've done with Marlene or else!"

"Mort!" yelled Julien. "You were supposed to be waiting until after I gave the signal to be playing the bad cop!"

"Oopsie." said Mort in a cute and apologetic manner. "Sorry. Teehee."

"I thought I was supposed to be the bad cop." said Maurice from the bushes.

"No, you are being the good cop and Mort is being the bad cop."

"Then what cop are you?"

"_I_ am being the charmingly handsome cop with the tragic back story. Honestly, why do we even go over these things?!"

"Uh, yeah," said Marlene getting up. "I'll just let you guys figure that out. You can keep the burrito." She started walking away.

"Now look what you've done!" shouted Julien. "We are being nowhere closer to finding Marlene than we were before!"

"I'm telling you that _is_-"

"Quiet Maurice. We must return to the royal habitat and device a new plan. Come."

Maurice sighed as the lemurs retreated back to their home while Marlene simply kept walking, shaking her head and smiling.

* * *

_Penguins Base: 2000 Hours_

Everyone was seated around the kitchen table, bowls, plates, and silverware in front of them.

"Thanks for all this guys." said Marlene. "I really feel like I'm making progress out there."

"Good to hear!" said Skipper. "We'll have you down to size in no time."

"Soups on!"

Private walked around the table with a large pot and ladle pouring huge portions of soup into everyone's bowl while Rico, wearing a chef's hat, walked behind him with a platter of cooked fish, placing three in each bowl in addition to the soup.

"Uh, what's this?" asked Marlene.

"Double batter fried fish in a heavy fish stew."

"Mwa!" Rico kissed his flipped like a French chef.

"Isn't this a lot of food?"

"Nonsense." said Skipper. "It's all part of the exercise regiment. Gotta have plenty of fuel and protein to build muscle mass."

"I guess. It's just...I don't know. I feel like I've still been eating a lot lately."

"Not to worry, Marlene." said Kowalski. "Scientific studies show that eating many times over a day boosts metabolism."

"See." said Skipper. "Scientists are saying it so it must good for you!"

"Technically, Skipper, that's not necessarily-_oof!_"

Skipper gave Private a good, swift smack to the head, silencing him immediately.

"If you say so."

Marlene smiled as she began chowing down with the rest of the penguins.

* * *

_Penguins Base: Three Days Later_

"Alright!" said Marlene enthusiastically. "Time to weight in! Time to see how all that exercise paid off!"

The penguins plus Marlene all stood around one of Kowalski's scales, looks of eager anticipation on most of their faces.

"I wonder how much you've lost." said Private enthusiastically.

"I'm sure it's a good amount." said Skipper, winking subtly at Kowalski.

"Oh, yeah. I can feel it. I...say, is it just me or are you guys looking a little, I don't know, rounder?"

The penguins, who indeed did look much rounder than they normally did, all looked down at themselves.

"Nonsense." said Skipper. "It's just, uh...just."

"As you get smaller we, by contrast, start to look bigger to you." answered Kowalski.

"Yeah! That's it. Now hop up on the scale so we can take a look at how much our training has payed off."

Eagerly Marlene hopped onto the scales, gasping excitedly when she saw her weight.

"Yes! Five ounces, baby! Who's your biggest loser now?! You know, like weight loser. Not-Not like loser as in fail- You guys know what I mean."

"Congratulations, Marlene!" said Private.

"Now let's all celebrate with some jumbo sized fish fries!"

"Oh yeah! It's time to par-"

"Freeze!"

All eyes turned as the metal door was kicked open revealing the lemur trio.

"Stop in-"

The door rebounded and slammed back shut.

"Maurice!"

Maurice opened the door again, holding it open for his king.

"Thank you Maurice." said Julien. "Now stop in the name of your king!"

"Ring Tail?" asked Skipper. "What are you doing?"

"We have tried the good cop, the bad cop, and the charmingly handsome cop. Now it is being time for the bad cop who is taking the law into his own hands. Now, tell me she-guniea pig, what have you done with Marlene?" He picked up Mort. "Do not be making me use this."

"I'm a weapon." said Mort giggling.

"Julien, it's me! Mar-"

"That's it! You have forced my hand!"

Twirling Mort around by the tail, Julien chucked the little lemur at Marlene, who just managed to dodge causing Mort to smack into the head of the scale which in turn caused the numbers to change. Marlene looked at the scale and gasped.

"I haven't lost five ounces. I've _gained_ five ounces!" she turned on Skipper. "What's going on here?"

"Marlene," said Skipper frantically. "It's not what you think! We just-"

"Woah! Woah! Woah!" exclaimed Julien. "You mean the she-guniea pig _is_ Marlene?"

"That's what I've been trying to tell you!" shouted Maurice.

"Well, geez Maurice. No need to get all angry about it."

On the other side of the room Marlene was fast approaching the penguins.

"Now now Marlene. Can't we talk about this over a nice, healthy fish parfait?"

"So, that's it! You guys have just been using me to get more fish! The reason you look rounder is because you _are_ rounder! From all the fish!"

"Well, I wasn't going to say anything," said Julien. "But you all are looking a little chunkier."

All eyes turned on Julien, who stared back awkwardly for a moment.

"Sorry. Please continue."

Marlene turned back to Skipper.

"Listen," said Skipper. "We had absolutely no intention of-"

"Okay!" yelled Private. "Yes! We did it! We went on a mission to change the zoo food distribution forms to get more fish for ourselves, but I messed up and you got them, and then we got really jealous so we used the diet thing to get to your fish because we wanted more, and I'm so very very _soooorry_!"

Private broke down crying on the floor while everyone else stared on.

"Private." said Skipper. "That's the second out-burst style confession this week! I'm scheduling you for guilt resistance training!"

"You caused this?! You mean you guys are the reason behind this whole mess?! Why I became so...so..."

"Plump?" suggest Kowalski. Marlene growled causing him to back up nervously.

"So we did a bad thing." said Skipper. "The point is we can make up for it."

"Oh, you _bet_ you're going to make up for it! I'm going to loose all this weight, get back to my normal size, and _you guys_ are going to lose it with me! And Julien's going to be the one to help us do it."

"Say what now?" asked Julien.

"Pffft. Ring Tail?" scoffed Skipper. "What does he know about exercise?"

* * *

_Lemur Habitat: 1600 Hours_

"I like ta move it, move it! She likes ta move it, move it! He likes ta move it, move it! We like to?"

"_Move it!"_

Everyone groaned as the music continued blaring over the lemur habitat. Julien was doing aerobics style dancing wearing a pink leotard and a sequined sweat band while Marlene, the penguins, and the other lemurs were all dancing in front of him, looking completely exhausted.

"Eight hours of nonstop dancing!" panted Skipper, trying to keep up with Julien's rapid fire moves and failing miserably. "Doesn't he ever stop?"

"On the bright side." gasped Marlene. "At least we're burning a lot of calories."

"Why do _we_ have to do this, your majesty?" asked Maurice sluggishly slinging his arms.

"My feet are ouchie!" shouted Mort.

"No subjects of mine will be out-danced by these beginners. Now come. Five more hours until your first break!"

"_Uuuuuuuuugh."_

Everyone groaned as the music blared on, not to stop for a very very long time.

**~End~**

* * *

_Author's Note_**:** MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Hey guys! Look whose back after a grueling fall! I took way too many hard classes, and had way too big a work load, but now I'm back and more merry than ever! AND I have super big news!

Part of the reason it took me so long to update this was because I've been working on something BIG! Like super big! Without giving to much of my personal life away (I'M WATCHING YOU INTERNET STALKERS!) I wanted to tell you guys that I'm applying for something that's super huge, and, if I succeed in getting it, would be a hyper boost towards my goal of professional screenwriting! This thing, which shall not be named, required a couple writing samples. For the first writing sample I actually had to write the first act to a completely original, feature length movie! ME! Writing a movie! It's an animated movie, because as you may or may not know writing for animation is my passion, and it took me forever to nail down my plot line and crank out those forty pages of script while simultaneously trying to balance it with this and my way to big course load. This overload of work is what lead to such a long update time, which, once again, I am super sorry about!

Now, as exciting as the whole movie thing may seem to me, it's probably not as interesting to all you wonderful fanfiction readers, HOWEVER, here's something that more relevant to you! While I had to write the movie script for the first writing sample, for the second I chose to submit a spec script for a television series. And, seeing as I already had four spec scripts of Penguins of Madagascar right here, I took the script for "Stuck on You" (the first episode of this fanfiction), converted it to standard script format, and sent it in!That's right folks! One of these very episodes is going to be seen by actual professionals in the screenwriting industry!

I just wanted to thank you all for being such wonderful readers. Because of your enthusiasm and great feedback, I continue to have to motivation to get this series to its one hundred plus episode goal which I still dream will one day become actual additions to the wonder that is the Penguins of Madagascar series! I also dream of writing Madagascar 4, but that's an almost entirely unrelated dream.

Anyways, this author's note has gone on for FAR too long. Just wanted to wish you all the Merriest of Christmases EVER, and a hyper happy, super blessed New Year! Until next time!


	7. Episode 6: Your Cheatin' Flippers

**~Your Cheatin' Flippers~**

* * *

_Penguin Base: 1900 Hours_

"Happy Anniversary!"

Party poppers went off sending colorful confetti into the air as the penguins all cheered. Skipper, Kowalski, and Private were all on one side of a colorfully decorated table upon which rested a large, pink and white cake with the words "Happy Anniversary" written on it in red icing right above where a huge fish was stuck through the center. On the other side of the table stood Rico, affectionately holding Ms. Perky.

"Awwwwww." said Rico, looking slightly embarrassed. "'Ou gaaaahs."

"A whole year!" exclaimed Private.

"And they said your freaky, unnatural relationship would never last!" added Skipper.

A light clang came from the side of the room as the metal door swung open.

"Hey guys!" said Marlene as she walked in. "I was wondering if...woah."

Marlene looked around the room where streamers and various pictures of Rico and Ms. Perky decorated the walls.

"Uuuh, what's going on here?"

"Today is Rico and Ms. Perky's one year anniversary." explained Private.

"Awwww, that's so sweet!...and...disturbing."

"You got that right, sister." said Skipper. "There is nothing normal about this."

"However," added Kowalski. "When it comes to Rico we learned long ago that any semblance of normality has the same likelihood as the sun experiencing a spontaneous molecular restructuring that defies all known laws of science and nature thus transforming it into milk chocolate...which is slim."

"Yeah, I got that. So," said Marlene. "What do you two...love birds have planned for your anniversary?"

"They're going out for a night on the town!" said Private as Rico nodded behind him. "There will be dinner and dancing. Oh, it's all so romantic!"

"Private, please. This situation is already uncomfortable enough without you gushing over this lovey-dovey junk like a teenage school girl."

"Sorry, Skipper."

"Awwww, it does sound romantic." said Marlene. "And I'm sure you two will have a...wonderful time."

"So, care for a slice of cake?" asked Private.

"Uh, no, thanks. I actually came over to ask if you guys could help me with something, but since you're busy I'll just-"

"Nonsense." said Skipper, grabbing her around the shoulder. "We'd be happy to help. Rico was just about to leave anyway."

"Uh-huh!" said Rico nodding.

"Well, okay. If you're sure."

"'Course we're sure." Skipper pulled Marlene in close, whispering. "Besides, this whole thing was getting a little freaky for me anyway."

Slowly their heads both turned back towards Rico, who was laughing in a slightly deranged fashion while shoving pieces of cake onto Ms. Perky's unopening mouth. They both stared wide eyed.

* * *

The engine roared to life. Rico smiled ecstatically before leaning over to make sure Ms. Perky was safely buckled in. Having confirmed her security, the psycho penguin leaned back, slipped on a pair of dark sunglasses, popped in a CD, and put the car in drive. As the vehicle peeled out from beside the penguin habitat and into the zoo a loud, romantic power ballad blared from the speakers shattering the quiet night.

Confidently, Rico slipped his flipper around Ms. Perky's shoulder, driving with the other. The couple was quickly approaching the brick wall surrounding the zoo. Right when it seemed they were about to crash, Rico upchucked a miniature ramp onto the road in front of them.

As the music struck a powerful cord, the car hit the ramp, shooting off it high into the air. Rico let out a howl as the car soared through the skies, the wind blowing through Ms. Perky's artificial hair until they smacked down with a hard bump onto the sidewalk outside the zoo. They spun in circles across the pavement, out of control, until finally managing to come to a screeching halt.

As the smell of burnt rubber filled the air Rico sat there, his arm still wrapped around Ms. Perky and a huge grin spread wide across his face. He turned to his date, wiggling an eyebrow, and she returned the gesture by sitting there, smiling her ever present smile. As Rico turned back to the road, the car once again peeled out sending the couple careening towards their romantic and totally unnatural anniversary date.

* * *

_Otter Habitat: 1930 Hours_

"Okay, Marlene. What are we looking at?"

Skipper waddled confidently forward through the cave entrance, Marlene right beside him.

"What do you mean?" asked Marlene confused.

"I _mean_ what's the situation? Bomb under the bed? Infestation of mutant ticks? _Volcano_ slowly emerging from underneath the door mat?"

"Wah? No. No. Nothing like that."

"Oh, so this is more of a personal matter. Need someone taken care of, eh?"

"No, I-"

"Kowalski! What do we have in the 'making someone _disappear_' department?"

Kowalski pulled out a massive manila folder, stuffed to the brim with papers. "The better question would be 'what _don't_ we have?'"

"Perfectamundo."

"Guys, really, I-"

"I would recommend number three hundred sixty-two." said Kowalski handing Skipper a pink sheet of paper.

"Negative. I'm saving that one for Ring Tail." he quickly looked back at Marlene. "_Not_ that we would ever really do that, it's just, you know, in case something ever-"

"Guys! I don't wanna make anyone disappear! There are no bombs, no ninja assassins, no aliens-"

"Well, for pity's sake Marlene, what _do_ you need help with?"

"I just need help finding my hairbrush!"

The penguins all stared for a moment. Skipper put his flippers on his hips.

"A hairbrush? That's what you needed our help with? Why didn't you say that in the first place?!"

"I tried, but you were too busy spouting crazy theories for me to get a word in edge wise. You guys always cut me off right when I-"

"Woah, woah, woah! Name one time I ever cut you off?"

"Just now!"

"Okay, name another time."

"Ugh." Marlene dropped her head in her paw, taking a deep breath. "Okay. Let's just forget all about the cutting off business. Can ya help me find my hairbrush or not?"

"Of course we _caaan_. Compared to a mutant tick infestation, finding a hairbrush is as easy as finding out Private's favorite T.V. show."

Private popped up from behind Marlene, whispering. "It's the Lunacorns."

"Well, great!" said Marlene. "So, what's first?"

"First we need to establish a perimeter. A search area. Where was the last place you saw this hairbrush?"

"Um, okay. So, I was brushing my fur last night, like I do every night."

"We don't need to know about your personal grooming habits, Marlene. Just tell us where you had the brush."

"Okay. Okay. I finished brushing, and I laid it down next to my pillow."

"Kowalski."

Kowalski rushed over, drawing a quick chalk outline of a hairbrush.

"Huh. Not a bad likeness."

"What happened next?"

"Well, I went to bed, and then the next morning I woke up and it was gone."

"Skipper," said Kowalski. "I believe I've found something."

Skipper furrowed his brow as Kowalski handed him a small, brown fragment of something.

"What is it?" asked Marlene.

"Peanut shell." Skipper licked it. "Still salty."

"Okay. Aaand what does that mean?"

"It means that we're going to pay a little visit to the elephant habitat."

* * *

_Elephant Habitat: 1940 Hours_

"Hello, Burt."

Burt looked up from his peanuts, startled by the appearance of three penguins and an otter on the wall surrounding his home.

"We need to ask you a few questions."

"Uuuuuh." Burt quickly turned tail, running over to his hay bales and lying down. "Sorry! I'm asleep!" His head dropped heavily against the ground, a loud snore going in through his mouth and out through his trunk.

"Buuurt." said Skipper. "We just saw you awake three second ago." Burt responded by snoring louder. Skipper sighed. "Okay. Fine. Guess we'll juuust have to come back in the morning. Let's go."

"But-"

Marlene was cut off as Skipper dragged her off the wall.

There was a moment of silence.

Slowly Burt opened an eye, checking if the cost was clear. He sighed in relief, turning his head. "That was a close o-_Aaaah!_" Burt screamed at the sudden appearance of the penguins and Marlene in front of him. "Don't _do_ that!"

"Where's the brush, Burt?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Then how do you explain _these!_" Skipper held out incriminating peanut shells.

"I-I've never seen those peanuts in my life!"

"Fess up, Burt. You might as well have signed your name."

Burt stared anxiously. "Okay! I confess! I took the the hairbrush!"

"Why'd ya do it, Burt?"

"Because I wanted to brush my hair, duh."

"But you don't even have hair." said Private.

"Ya-huh. Look." Burt used his trunk to point to several thin strands of hair on top of his head.

"O-kay. So why didn't you just ask to borrow it?" asked Marlene.

"When I came over, you were asleep. I figured it would be fine as long as I returned it before you woke up."

"So why _didn't_ you return it?" asked Skipper.

"Because, after I brought it back here, I laid it down over by my watering trough. I use it as a mirror."

"Get to the point."

"Okay! Geez! I went to get some peanuts, and then when I came back it was gone!"

"You mean someone stole it?" asked Private.

"A double theft." said Skipper, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "This just got a whole lot more interesting. Kowalski!"

Kowalski ran over to the area beside the watering trough and made a chalk outline of the hairbrush.

"Nice likeness."

"I know, right?" said Marlene.

"Focus people." said Skipper before turning back to Burt. "So, tell us what happened next."

"I went to bed."

"And that's it?"

"Yep."

"Skipper."

The commando leader turned to Kowalski who was kneeling on the ground. Beside the trough, imprinted in the dirt, was an alligator footprint.

* * *

_New York City: 2000 Hours_

"_Wooooooooohoooooooooo~!"_

Loud rock music blared as Rico and Miss Perky sped down the streets of downtown New York. All around them neon signs and electric billboards advertised night life attractions, from dance clubs to theaters to establishments with names so strange you couldn't tell what kind of things lurked inside! The sun had just finished setting, but already the streets were teaming with people prowling for a good place to spend the night in the city that never sleeps.

* * *

Strobe lights pulsed across the club interior. All around humans danced to the rhythmic pop beats, having a great time on their evening out. Suddenly several round, metal objects dropped to the floor around them. They only had a chance to stare before BOOM! Purple gas erupted from the balls, filling the nightclub to the brim and eliciting coughs from all the assembled humans. As quick as it had come the gas dissipated revealing all the clubbers now completely unconscious on the floor. And in the center of the dance floor, swing dancing with Ms. Perky, was Rico, smiling ecstatically as he danced among the knocked out patrons.

* * *

"Garson!"

On the balcony of a fancy bistro a wealthy gentlemen sat looking snootily down at his place of poached salmon. At his call the waiter rushed to his side.

"Oui, monsieur?"

"This salmon is _poorly_ cut. I demand a fresh piece."

"Right away, sir." said the waiter picking up the plate. He bowed once to the man before turning to take back the fish. However, when he looked down at the plate the fish was gone! Startled the waiter looked around for where it could have gone.

Meanwhile, on the awning above him, Rico laid down his makeshift fishing pole, the _poached_ poached salmon on a plate beside him. Hungrily he rubbed his flippers together, and eagerly began to chow down, his date sitting right across from him smiling as the two 'shared' the meal.

* * *

"Raaa~! Ra ra ra~! Ra ra raaaa ra~!"

Under the glow of the moon above Rico lightly serenaded his date, sailing a tin-can gondola down the New York city gutters using a straw as a oar. Miss Perky sat smiling silently as they drifted along the edge of the sidewalk, and Rico was so wrapped in her beauty that he didn't even notice when they sailed down a drain and dropped right into the sewers.

* * *

_Zoo: 2200 Hours_

"All right." said Skipper. "Let's go over this _again_. Kowalski."

Kowalski nodded, looking down at his clip board. "Burt stole the brush from Marlene to brush his predominately non-existent hair. However, Rodger then took the brush from Burt to clean off his piano keys, but before he could Badda took it in hopes of holding it for ransom until Roy filched it to clean his horn, which brings us to-"

"You two." finished Skipper.

Phil and Mason both stared.

"Um, sorry old chum, could you run that buy us just one more time? I'm not quite sure I follow."

"_Ugh_!" yelled Marlene. "Listen, do you have my hairbrush or not?"

"What on earth would make you think that we-"

Kowalski held up a banana peel.

"Found this at Roy's next to a clump of chimp hair." said Skipper, flippers crossed.

"Phil!" shouted Mason. "I told you you need to pay more attention to your personal grooming. This is exactly why we took the...uh..." He looked towards his five accusers who were all staring at him knowingly. "Oh, very well then. Yes, we took the hairbrush from Roy. Satisfied?"

"Ecstatic. Now just give us back the hairbrush and we'll-"

"Um, yes, about that."

Skipped sighed. "Where did you last leave it?"

Phil pointed to a place near the bottom of the tree in the middle of the habitat. With a flat expression Kowalski quickly broke out a hairbrush shaped stencil and spray painted a silhouette on the ground.

"Nice likeness." said Mason.

"Yes! We get it! Kowalski is the greatest hairbrush outline drawer the world has ever known. Now, back to the matter at hand."

* * *

_New York City: 2200 Hours_

BOOM!

In a fiery explosion a manhole cover was blown high into the sky above the New York City streets. As the metal disc turned over and over in the air, Ms. Perky flew out of the hole, followed a moment after by Rico, who caught Ms. Perky and dipped her dramatically just as the cover fell right back into place. He wiggled his eyebrows her until he noticed something out of the corner of his eye. He turned his head and gasped. Sticking out of the mud and gunk of the city gutters was a single, plastic doll's arm.

Concern filled his eyes as he look from that poor, abandoned doll to his own lovely Ms. Perky. In a moment of empathy Rico slid over the doll, and pulled it gingerly out of the muck. He grimaced, however, when he saw that about an inch of grime and slim was still caked over the entire remainder of the doll's body. He looked around for a moment until he spotted a Chinese Laundromat across the street.

* * *

"No, I said it would be ready tomorrow! Why you keep calling me?!"

Inside the laundromat a middle aged man was behind the counter, angrily yelling into the phone.

"I keep telling we cannot get it done in one day!" said the owner. "Awwww, your wedding is tomorrow, and you wanna look good? That's so sweet. Now why I need to know about your personal life? What I look like to you? A therapist? You want some advise? Lose some weight! Maybe if your dress was not so biiig we would have it finished by now! And another thing-"

The man stiffened suddenly. "On second thought, you're pretty just the way you aaaare..." As the last word trailed out of his mouth the man dropped to the floor, revealing Rico behind him, a flipper still poised to chop just in case he got back up again. Upon seeing that he did in fact stay down, Rico hurriedly jumped into the back of the shop.

In the back were several high powered steam washers, dryers, and clothing presses as well as a large rotating rack with various outfits sealed inside plastic bags. He looked around until he spied the biggest machine in the place, a massive washing machine with the words "Steam Wash-o-matic 5000" written on it in slanted gold lettering. Satisfied that that would do the job, Rico opened the door, chucked in the dirty doll, and slammed the door behind it. With a single jump he was on top, twisting the knob to "Delicate," and adjusting heat to "Mild" so as not to melt the plastic wash-cycle participant.

"Lee! Were you just yelling at another customer?!"

Rico turned around as an old lady walked out of a back room door holding a clear plastic bag with a wedding dress inside. "How many times have I told you yelling at a customer is not good for busi-" She stopped as she saw Rico standing there holding Ms. Perky. "A penguin? Lee, why did you let a penguin in here?" She turned her eyes towards the unconscious man. "Lee?"

"Yaaaaaaaah!"

The old woman looked up, her eyes widening as Rico flew towards her in a flying kick. Just as Rico was about to make contact the old lady screamed, diving out of the way. As the old lady rolled, Rico rebounded off the wall, and landed in a battle pose.

"What the-" She screamed, only just managing to jump over the counter as Rico came at her again. As she stood up she looked quickly from Rico to her son again. Her eyes narrowed. "Oh, I see how it is? You come into _my_ shop and knock out _my_ son, and now you come after me too?! You think just because Mrs. Xiao is an old lady she can't take care of herself, eh? I got more skills than Jackie Chan ever did! Plus, my English is better! And, another thing. I.."

She looked down at Rico who was staring at with one eyebrow ridge cocked.

"Aaaaand, I'm talking to a penguin. But you're going down anyway, bird!"

"Bri' i' on!"

Mrs. Xiao, though she had no idea what Rico was saying, narrowed her eyes before letting out a shrill battle cry. She did a flip, grabbing several lint brushes off a nearby table in the process. When she landed she began chucking them at the psycho bird. Rico jumped and flipped out of the way, grabbing Ms. Perky as he went.

"Mrs. Xiao gonna have Peking Penguin tonight!"

Rico dove behind one of the washers, gently setting down Mrs. Perky. Checking just once more to make sure she looked comfortable, he dove out onto the battlefield and charged his old lady nemesis, weaving between the lint brushes until he finally got close enough to tackle her screaming into the clothing rack.

Amidst the furious sounds of screaming, things breaking, and stuff crashing to the ground Lee slowly started coming to. The phone rang.

"Hello?" he said, answering it woozily. "You again? For the last time: wedding dress not ready! What do I gotta do to make you understand tha-" he stopped short as a wedding dress dropped onto the counter in front of him. "Ooooh, would you look at that. It is ready. You can come pick it up in an hour."

Lee's head jerked forward as a wooden lint roller smacked him in the back of the head. "Better make it two..." With those final words he dropped backward, unconscious once again.

Behind him a massive pile of clothes bulged with muffled screams and blows.

"Aaaaaaah!" Mrs. Xiao burst out of the left side of the pile, tossing a stray shirt off her head.

"Raaaaaaa!" Rico burst out the other side, a pair of tighty-whiteys around his waist.

"Not bad, little bird. But Mrs. Xiao gonna take you down to Chinatown!" A pair of underwear smacked Mrs. Xiao in the face, courtesy of Rico. She glared down at the cocky bird, before ripping the underwear of her face.

"Oh, now little bird gets an attitude, huh? But I bet you didn't see this coming!" The old lady reached to the side and picked up a hand powered steam cleaner. "Yeah, what now little bird? One blast a this you're a roast penguin!" Rico cocked an eyebrow ridge at her. "Not so cocky now, huh? Mrs. Xiao's got the brains, the moves, the skills-"

Rico horked up a mini-bazooka and shot it directly into the end of the steam cleaner. The device started to rumble as Rico waved bye-bye at the confused looking lady, ducking quickly under the clothes.

_BOOOM!_

Mrs. Xiao flew backwards across the shop, plowing through several racks of clothing before landing against the wall, the various garments cushioning her impact. She woozily looked up.

"But Mrs. Xiao does not have one of those." With a final groan the old lady passed out.

"Arrigh!" Rico smiled, breaking into a wild victory dance, bazooka still in hand. She slid over and grabbed Ms. Perky, spinning her into his cocky jig. With a seductive grin, he dipped her, romantically stroking her hair.

_Ding_

With a burst of steam the washer door popped open. Rico looked into the center where a dark silhouette was hidden among the gradually fading mist. Slowly his eyes widened as the figure came into focus. Six inches tall, pure, smooth plastic. Her hair was long and luxurious, blonde with a single pink highlight going all the way down to her waist. A perfectly shaped figure clad in a purple, one sleeved cocktail dress with matching sequined belt, accessories included. And there, in her left hand, was a matching purse with her smiling face on it, the words "Lila, by Toy-Mark" encircling it. Rico was so drawn in by the beauty of this vision before him that, unbeknownst to him, he dropped Ms. Perky. Quickly realizing his mistake however he rushed to pick her up, laughing awkwardly and uttering guttural apologies to her, his eyes constantly darting against his will back towards the doll standing perfectly erect in the washer.

* * *

_Zoo: 2230 Hours_

"_Oh, George. I thought you loved me!"_

"_I did love you Clarice. That is until I met...Eliza."_

"_Oh, George, how could you?!"_

"Uuuuuuuugh."

Julien moaned, dropping onto his back as the other lemurs kept their eyes glued on the TV.

"Shhhhhhh." hushed Maurice. "This is the good part."

"Maurice, in case you have not been noticing there_ are_ no good parts in this movie."

"It's my turn to pick the movie. Now hush up." Julien glared. "Uh, your majesty. Hehe."

"Fine." said Julien sitting up and crossing his arms. "Enjoy your boring, gooey movie."

Julien turned his head away from the TV looking out over the zoo. He pouted until he noticed the penguin's car driving across the plaza. Normally it wouldn't have attracted his attention, however he noticed that the car had three occupants and only one of them was a penguin. He moved closer to the edge to get a better look.

"Maurice. Come see this."

"But George is about to-"

"Trust me, Maurice, this is far more interesting."

"But-"

"Shhhh."

"Uggh." Slowly, Maurice got up, walking over to Julien and taking his bowl of popcorn with him. "What's so-"

Julien shushed him once more as he pointed down towards the penguin habitat where Rico was taking Ms. Perky out of the passenger seat of the car.

"What? It's just Rico and his 'girlfriend'."

"Yes, but check out the _other_ girl in the backseat."

Slowly, Maurice glanced to the back of the car where the new doll was sitting. He looked back and forth between Rico who was setting Ms. Perky down by the fence surrounding the habitat, and the prettier doll.

"Ooooh, this _is_ more interesting." Maurice plopped down, taking a bite of popcorn.

Down by the fence, Rico stood nervously in front of Ms. Perky, smiling and rubbing the back of his head.

"Uuuh. A be je gonna, uuuh, gab er om. Hehehe."

Ms. Perky stared as Rico continued avoiding eye contact. He gave her one last glance before nervously backing towards the car, still mumbling excuses.

"Oh, I know he's not about to do what I think he's gonna do."

"Quiet, Maurice." said Julien taking a bite of popcorn. "It's getting good."

The lemurs all watched as Rico put the new doll in the front seat, buckling her up before sliding into the driver's seat and driving away.

"_Noooo!_" gasped Maurice. "Did you see that?"

"I saw it!" said Mort raising his hand cheerfully.

"He just left that poor girl sitting out in the cold for that new girl! Er, doll. Er. You know what I mean!"

"This is being exactly like what was happening to the Clarice lady in the movie."

"You were watching?"

"Focus, Maurice. We must help her!"

"Help her? Help her how?"

"Oh, Maurice. Can you not see that she is clearly heart broken at the lose of her love?"

"I'm not sure dolls have hearts."

"I saw this in another of your gooey movies." continued Julien, pondering while ignoring Maurice. "We will need beauty products, tissues, the iced cream, and many more gooey love movies. Now go!"

"Whatever you say." sighed Maurice, rolling his eyes and he and Mort went off to fulfill their appointed tasks.

"And do not be forgetting the chocolate!"

* * *

_Penguin Base: 2240 Hours_

The door slammed open.

"Three hours of searching for nothing!" shouted Skipper as he, Kowalski, Private, and Marlene entered the base.

"It wasn't a total lose." said Private. "Fred did serve lovely cookies when we came to his house."

"Yes, and that would have been an ideal visit _if_ he had actually had anything to do with the missing hairbrush." said Kowalski.

"Remind me how we got to the park again." said Skipper.

"Well, we followed the trail of one of the sewer rats away from the baboon habitat to the dwelling of Archie the raccoon in Central Park who claimed to have bought it off the rat and sold it to a squirrel."

"And since Fred's the only squirrel we know." continued Private. "We paid him a visit."

"But," continued Kowalski. "Since he neither owned a hairbrush nor had visited Archie that day our trail went unfortunately cold."

"Meaning, that after hours of searching I still don't have my hairbrush!"

"Face it, Marlene." said Skipper. "Archie could have pawned that brush off to any squirrel in New York. It's long gone."

"You can always borrow one of mine." said Private, holding out a suitcase full of neatly organized brushes.

"W-why do you have so many hairbrushes?" asked Marlene. "You don't have hair."

"Oh, they're not for me, silly. They're for my lunacorn." he gestured over to his bunk where his pink lunacorn sat with a head of perfectly quaffed hair. Marlene stared at the toy for a moment before shaking her head.

"I appreciate the offer and all, but that hairbrush was special. It was the only one that got my fur just right, ya know?"

"Your sentimentality is touching." said Skipper. Marlene smiled. "And annoying." She stopped smiling. "Just go see Archie again. Maybe he's got some lady product that can keep that unruly fur of yours in line."

"Yeeeeaaaah. I'll go do that." Marlene turned on her heel, marching away angrily and slamming the door behind her. The penguins looked after her.

"I don't think she's going to go see Archie." guessed Private.

"Uuuuuh, no." added Kowalski. They both turned to look at Skipper.

"Whaaat?"

* * *

"Stupid, Skipper." grumbled Marlene as she marched across the plaza. "Lady products. Pfft. My fur is _not_ that unruly! _Woah!_"

Marlene jumped back just as what looked like Mort rushed across her path carrying two small tubs of ice cream. She watched as he jumped up and over the lemur habitat wall, her eyes slowly drifting upward towards a glow at the top of the central pedestal.

"What the..."

* * *

Up top on the pedestal Julien was sitting behind Ms. Perky, brushing her hair while Maurice gave her a manicure, green mud masks on every face. Around them several containers of ice cream, makeup, and tissues were strewn about while another romance movie played on screen.

"_Girl, you need to drop that boy like a hot potato."_

"_But I love him!"_

"_But he don't act like he love you, and if he don't see how fine you are then you are way to good for him, am I right?"_

"Preach, sister!" said Maurice.

"See?" said Julien to Ms. Perky. "You are much too good for the freaky penguin, much like how _I_ am too good for most people."

Mort hopped up onto the rock. "I brought more icey cream!"

"Excellent. Did you remember the double fudgy kind?" Julien grabbed one of the containers, popping open the top. "Ooooh, triple fudge! Nice work."

"Hey! Excuse me!"

Every head turned as Marlene pulled herself over the ledge.

"If you have come for the ice cream we are fresh out."

"Uh, you have a new container sitting open in your lap."

"I _meant_ fresh out for you. I thought that was being implied."

"Uh-huh. What's going on here?" she looked in front of him. "And what are you doing with Rico's doll, er, girlfriend?"

"Oh, she is no longer being _his_ girlfriend."

"Huh?"

"Dude dumped her for a new model." explained Maurice.

"Personally, I don't see the attraction." said Julien. He turned towards Ms. Perky. "You are far prettier."

Marlene stared for a moment before shaking her head. "Okay, so let me get this straight. Rico left _his_ doll...for...another doll?"

"Bingo!"

"That sleazeball!" shouted Marlene angrily.

"Hey! Watch the language." said Maurice covering Mort's ears.

"I mean any other day I would be supportive of this, especially if it was a real person, but today? On their anniversary?"

"Anniversary?" repeated Julien. He and Maurice turned to face each other smiling.

"_Oooooooh_." said Maurice. "This just got a _whole_ lot juicier!"

"Ugh! When I get my hands on him-"

"Care to continue your rambling while joining us in our heart break party?" asked Julien. "We have triple fudgy ice cream~!"

Marlene put her paws on her hips. "Uh-huh. I thought you said you were fresh out of ice cream."

"And now we are being fresh _in_. Now, why don't you sit here behind our guest as you give us all the juicy details."

"I don't knoooow."

"I'll let you brush her hair with the new royal hairbrush~!" said Julien in a sign-song voice as he dangled a pink brush in front of her.

"Is that supposed to-" she stopped. "Oh, my gosh! Th-that's my brush!" she grabbed it. "It is! It's my special hairbrush!"

"Uh, no. That is being the new royal hairbrush. Were you not-"

Julien froze as Marlene suddenly embraced him in a tight hug.

"Oh, thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" She let go, looking back at the brush. "You have no idea what I've been going through trying to find this."

Julien stood frozen, uncertain of what to do now. He looked to Maurice who simply shrugged. After a moment more he shook it off.

"Okay, fine! You can keep your silly brush. Now, make with the dishing of the dirt already."

"Okay. Okay." she said sitting down behind Perky as she started brushing her hair. "So, here's the deal..."

* * *

_Central Park: 2300_

Loud 70s love songs blared from the car speakers as it sat idle next to a fountain. A couple feet away was Lila, leaning against the base of the fountain and smiling up at the stars. Rico walked over, a flower in hand.

"A ba ju. Hehe."

He put the flower behind her ear, the blossom almost as big as her entire head. Shyly, he rubbed the back of his head as he went over to stand beside her. In one of the most classic moves of all time, he yawned, stretching his arms upwards before slyly wrapping it around her shoulders. He smiled at her, wiggling his brow flirtatiously. Slowly he puckered his lips, leaning in.

"Hey!"

He turned his head to see a small, angry looking sewer rat standing a couple feet away.

"What are you doin' wit my girl?!"

"Urs?!" shouted Rico angrily.

"Yeah. The name's Lenny, and _that_ is _my_ girlfriend. See?!" He turned to the side displaying a tattoo of Lila's face etched in black ink inside a pink heart.

Rico turned to Lila and lifted up her single sleeve. He gasped. There, right next to her plastic shoulder, was a matching tattoo with an image of Lenny in a flirtatious pose etched inside the heart. Rico stared sadly for a moment before somberly handing Lila to the rat. Immediately, Lenny hugged her tightly.

"Oh, baby!" He dipped her, giving her a kiss on the cheek, then lifted her to look straight into her plastic face. "I've been looking everywhere for you. I searched miles of sewer every day trying to find you after that storm swept you away. I spent hours and hours looking, but I never gave up. I knew I only wanted to be with you."

Rico watched sadly as the couple walked away, plastic hand in paw. As he watched them leave, slowly his brow furrowed in a look of complete determination. Running back to the car, he jumped into the driver's seat. He popped open the glove box where a picture of him together with Ms. Perky fell out. He held the photo in his flipper for just a moment before hitting the gas and speeding back towards the zoo.

* * *

_Lemur Habitat: 2315 Hours_

"_Por favor, Richardo! Me Quiero!"_

"_No me quiero, Juanita! No me quiero!"_

"Why, Richardo?!" shouted Julien, emotionally clutching a tissue. "Why do you not love her?!"

"What are you talking about?" asked Marlene. "We can't even understand what he's saying!"

"You do not need to be understanding them to see what is in their hearts."

"Are you crying?"

"No!" shouted Julien, rubbing his face. "I just got something in my eye."

"Where did you even get a TV?"

* * *

Back at the penguin base Private was standing in the middle of the room looking around with a perplexed expression.

"Has anyone seen the telly?"

* * *

"Can we just-"

"Eh-hem."

Everyone turned their heads to see Rico, standing on the ledge with a flirtatious look on his face and rolling his shoulder seductively. In one slide he made his way right past her four companions, going straight to Ms. Perky who sat with her ever present smile in front of the TV. With one smooth motion he swept her up into his strong flippers from her seat on the ground, twirling her in small circles before dipping her romantically and wiggling his brow.

"Ooh, baby."

Slowly, softly, he stroked her hair as he stared once more into the eyes of his beautiful, plastic girl, so happy to be reunited once more and savoring this perfect moment.

That is until a bamboo cane came crashing down full force right on top of his skull. Rico hit the ground face first as Marlene stood behind him, one paw angrily on her hip and the other clutching Julien's wooping stick.

"Nicely done, Marlene." said Julien, slightly impressed, as Maurice picked up Perky.

Slowly Rico got to his feet, rubbing his head. He looked angrily at Marlene. "Eh! Wat a bi idea?"

"Oh, I'll tell you what the big idea is!" said Marlene angrily. "You think that after all you did, leaving her out in the cold, dumping her for another doll, you think after all that you can just walk in here and get her back like nothing ever happened?!"

Rico stared at her. "Yep."

"_Raaaaa!"_

Marlene lunged at Rico, the fact that she was being held back by Mort and Maurice the only thing keeping her from clawing at Rico's already scared face.

"No, no. Let her go." said Julien, watching eagerly as he took another bite of ice cream.

Marlene jerked, freeing herself from the two lemurs. "Listen here, Rico, if you even want her to _consider_ taking you back you're gonna have to do a lot better than waltzing in here like she belongs to you. Got it?"

"But-"

A mango hit Rico square in the face. As he wiped it off he looked up to see all four of them clutching various fruits in their hands. Rico only just managed to start running before the fruit started flying at him, whizzing around him and occasionally splattering right against him. It wasn't until he got to the wall surrounding the lemur habitat that the fruit barrage finally stopped.

"Ra gonna ra ba-_oof_!"

Rico cried out as another mango hit him square in the face.

"Nice shot." said Marlene from up on the ledge.

"Thank you." said Julien.

"Thank you? I'm the one who threw it!" said Maurice.

"Yes, and I am the one taking credit for it. See how that works?"

The four retreated back to their party, leaving Rico to stare up after them angrily. In his rage he hacked up his bazooka, taking aim, but slowly, as he prepared to pull the trigger, his anger faded to remorse. He shook his head. Now was no time for feeling sorry. Now was the time to make it right. He began to think.

* * *

Everyone stared as Rico stood on the ledge, smiling and holding a bouquet of flowers in one hand and a heart shaped box of chocolates in the other.

"Huh? Huh?"

The lemurs plus Marlene looked unimpressed, a sentiment they made all the more clear as they all held up their fruits and began pelting the psycho penguin once again. Rico screamed, trying to duck as he fled the scene, leaving his gifts behind. Maurice slowly walked over and picked up the chocolates.

"No sense in lettin' these go to waste."

* * *

Loud, metal scraping filled the air accompanied by bright, orange lights. The four peaked down off their ledge to see Rico wearing a pair of goggles and using a blowtorch to weld something under a giant sheet. After adding what appeared to be the final touches he removed the goggles, turned to the crowd, and pulled off the sheet. Underneath was a giant metal sculpture of Rico himself, lying in an alluring pose and holding a rose. He looked up hopefully, appealing to his judges with his eyes, however they all simply turned away and went back to watching their movie. Rico slumped sadly as a powerful metallic creaking filled the air. He looked up just in time to see his metal work start falling to pieces, many of those heavier pieces crashing down right on top of him.

* * *

The sounds of the propeller filled the air as Rico soared through the night skies in his tiny plain. As he flew through the air, he pressed a button causing a steady stream of smoke to start spewing out behind him. Gradually he began to use the smoke to draw a giant picture of himself and Ms. Perky together inside a giant heart. Just as he was starting to put on the final touches a red warning light began blinking on the console. Sparks started bursting from the front of the plane. Rico screamed as the plane went out of control, circling wildly through the air, shifting and blurring lines as smoke continued sputtering sporadically out of the tail pipe. In a panic, Rico started jerking on the yoke until it suddenly snapped off right in his hands. He screamed all the louder as the plane started spiraling towards the ground. Meanwhile, in the sky, the last of the smoke lines floated back into place only now instead of a picture of Rico and Ms. Perky inside a heart it looked almost exactly like Marlene and Julien.

From the ground both looked up to see their pictures together, highlighted against a starry background. They looked towards each other. Julien smiled, wiggling his eyebrows to which Marlene replied with a flat look, picking up a spoon full of ice cream and flicking it right into his face. Julien flailed around for a moment, blinded by the ice cream, before tripping and falling head first to the ground.

* * *

Over in central park the plane sat in a heap on the ground, now nothing more than a smoldering pile of slag. Over in the fountain a very wet Rico sat, his flipper under his chin in a pondering expression as his parachute floated on the water behind him. He thought for a long moment before suddenly a light bulb seemed to go off in his head.

* * *

At the lemur habitat Marlene was back to brushing Perky's hair while Julien was wiping down his face with a wet towel.

"I tell ya, at the rate he's going Rico is going to be at this for a long time before he even gets so much as a look from her. Am I right?"

"Yes, and _I_ am to be at this for a long time before my fur is to stop being so sticky from the iced cream."said Julien, giving her a pointed look.

"Hot towel?" asked Maurice, holding one out.

"Thank you." Julien took the towel, laying it across his face. "Aaaah, much better. I can feel the stickiness melting away."

"Okay. So _maybe_ it was a bit of an overreaction, but...Hey...do you hear that?"

Slowly, everyone looked up and started looking around.

"It's coming from over there." said Maurice. The four plus Perky, carried by Maurice, went over to the ledge, all laying down on the rock to get a better look. Below them, surrounded by bright purple and yellow lights, was Rico, strumming out what sounded like a soft ballad on an electric guitar.

_"Baby!"_ he sang

_"Oooh ba ju ba Baby!_

_Oooh Baby Baby!_

_Oooh Baby Baby~!_

_Baby. Baby!_

_Oooh ba ju ba Baby!_

_Oh Baby Baby Baaaaby!_

_Oh Baby. Baaaby!_

_Baby!"_

As he continued to sing everyone watched with rapt attention.

"Is he...serenading her?" asked Marlene. "That is so _romantic!_"

"It's just like what Charlie did to Candy in 'Harley to San Juan'." said Maurice as he scooted forward to get a better look. However as he scooted, Perky, who was right beside him, was scooted up as well. For a moment she teetered just on the edge before falling, bumping off a couple rocks before landing perfectly seated in front of Rico, her ever present smile looking up at him as he belted out a series of hard riffs on his guitar.

Slowly, he lowered the guitar, and walked over to her, kneeling before her plastic form. He looked deep into her artificially painted blue eyes. He took her by the hand and gently raised her to her feet, staring at her for a long moment before embracing her in a tight hug just as a series of pyrotechnics lit up the stage. As the fires died down, Rico slowly led Ms. Perky away back towards their home.

"Awww, that was so sweet!" crooned Marlene. "You know, aside from the whole, creepy, dating an inanimate object thing that is" She shook her head. "And who said guys can't be sensitive?"

Every eye turned toward Julien who was tightly clutching a tissue, blubbering loudly as he watched the freaky couple walk away.

"What?! I just got ice cream in my eyes, okay?!"

* * *

**~END~**

_Author's Note: _Heeeey Happy Fanfiction people! Sparkles here with a new episode! I know it's a little late for Valentine's Day, but I hope you still enjoyed this gushy, romantic episode. Right quick I wanna give a shout out to my new friend Peach Italian Ice for being the first one to ever have a dream about my work. I feel so totally honored! Oh, and a shout out to my other new special friend Megan Snow who is such a totally awesome person!

So, update time! As I told you last chapter I was applying for a super big screenwriting opportunity and...I GOT IT! I'm so totally happy that they liked my scripts! However, now there's even bigger news! Now, in addition to that I'm applying to two OTHER super big opportunities, and, this is the best part, they both involve NICKELODEON STUDIOS! That's right! _The_ home of Penguins of Madagascar! The first is the Nickelodeon Writing Fellowship, which, if I get it means I might be able to work as an actual screenwriter for Nickelodeon! And the second is the Nickelodeon Animated Shorts Competition (which is still going on if you're interested), which, if I get that, means that they might make one of my scripts into a real live animated short! They're both super big long shots, but I am confident that _anything_ is possible! (Prayers requested)

For those of you thinking about screenwriting as a career and who want to know about the latest job opportunities that may be available make sure to like the Nickelodeon Writing Fellowship page on Facebook, and for you artistic types, they have an Artist Fellowship too!

And speaking of Nickelodeon, as you may or may not know the annual Kids Choice Awards are coming up. Now I'm not trying to influence your votes, buuuut Madagascar 3 _is_ up for Best Animated Feature and since it is such a completely, unbelievably awesome movie and you can vote as many times as you want it would be _nice_ if you submitted one or two votes for it. And by nice I mean GO VOTE FOR IT NOW, and by one or two votes I mean VOTE FOR IT AS MANY TIMES AS POSSIBLE! LET'S GO PEOPLE!

And that's my Author's note for this chapter! I so super hope you enjoyed everything. Let me know what you think, kay? And as always thank you all for being the best, most awesome fans any writer could ever ask for. Your encouragement and support is one of the greatest gifts of my writing career. Until next time~!


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